Keep an eye aloft

[treadlightly]

I'm a sailor by nature and am as happy with sheet and tiller in hand as with a handgun on target. This might be long, but I think it might be worth the telling. I might even feel a sea chanty coming on...

So come all ye shooters bold,
Hot lead from cold iron mold,
Here's a tale of homeland security,
And a case of folly from the DOT!

A friend told me of an "offshore" oil rig, north of the 287 bridge on Richland-Chambers Reservoir. At the time I was trying to figure out a way to lure some sailing buddies to the big lake for a weekend of on-the-water camping. The chance to explore a new lake with an oil rig sounded like just the thing.

The best ramp would be at Fisherman's, down near the dam at the south end of the lake. From there, once you work your way out far enough to see past Frazier's Point, you can see the roof of the old Froggy's Restaurant just down from the 287 bridge. You can only see the roof because it's eight miles distant. The curve of the earth hides the lower seven feet or so of the structure.

To get to the offshore rig we'd have to get our sailboats under the Highway 287 bridge and I couldn't remember how high it was. My friends at the Texas Department of Transportation would no doubt be happy to help.

That wasn't as easy as I thought. I called the field office in Corsicana and was told bridge height was not public information.

No problem, I said, traffic isn't heavy and I can toss a sounding line over the bridge rail. I'll tie a knot at the point my weight touches the water and measure it later.

"You will do no such thing, sir. You will be subject to arrest for violating antiterrorism measures!"

Any means I could think of, including using my sextant to measure the angular distance from the water to the bridge, would be a matter for Homeland Security. Anything I did to determine the bridge clearance was subject to enforcement to the fullest extent of the law.

I thanked the nice TxDOT man for his time, thought about navigational complexities for a few minutes, and rolled a blank sheet of electronic typing paper into my word processor.

To the Commissioners of the DOT, I wrote, I apologize for suspiciously inquiring into bridge height. I didn't realize before I called how valuable that information would be to terrorists.

No sir, I would never again ask about bridge clearances. In fact, I was actually writing to report terroristic incursions on the highways in the care of the Corsicana office. All up and down I45, suspicious crews of probable terrorists were defacing bridges with signs that said things like, "CLEARANCE 14 FEET 6 INCHES!"

Worse, these terrorists were using vehicles disguised at TxDOT trucks. DEEP MOLE TERRORIST CELLS WERE AT WORK INSIDE TXDOT!

A couple of weeks later I got a nice letter from the Commissioner of TxDOT explaining bridge heights over lakes were only approximate, mostly because of lake level fluctuation, but they would assist with my questions any way they could.

Included with the Commissioner's letter was a copy of a memo sent to TxDOT field offices. By order of the Commissioner, field offices were to cooperate with motorists and boaters wishing not to bump into their bridges.

For me, it's academic. My friends can't fit under that bridge, but my lovely catboat has a mast tabernacle. In a couple of minutes I can lay my rig flat on deck to scoot under an obstruction.

Fair winds, all, and keep to the code!

[baldeagle]

Hahahahahahahahahaha

[RoyGBiv]

Sometimes writing a letter works. Especially when filled with polite sarcasm.

Thanks for the laugh.

[RPBrown]

[Keith B]

The whole issue was you were wearing your eye patch and saying 'argggh' a lot when asking the question.

[mojo84]

That's s good story. Highlights the lack of common sense buried deep within bureaucracies.

Good job in making your point.

[cb1000rider]

Yep... Welcome to the era of terrorism. We had McCarthyism before it.. And locked up Japanese-Americans before that. It's un-American to not be reactive and paranoid about something.

I wouldn't fiddle with that homeland security stuff too much. It doesn't take much to trigger action. Here's a story of glider pilot getting arrested for flying too close to a nuclear power plant - even though he didn't break any rules and gliders can't exactly climb on command. He got an apology and was let out of jail when he agreed not to sue anyone:

http://www.aopa.org/News-and-Video/All- ... o-fly-zone" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[CoffeeNut]

I watched a documentary on dams and several operated by the ACoE allowed for civilian pass-through boat traffic. When someone actually tried it they were told to turn around because they could be terrorists and if they didn't the FBI would be called. They even aknowledged that they had a pull line so paddlers could ring the harbor master or whatever it's called for dams but that they would not allow them to pass.

Truly a new world we live in.

[mojo84]

Be aware when taking pictures of bridges and other landmarks. I've heard of people being questioned about their reasons for taking the photos.

[treadlightly]

From what I've heard the Coast Guard will arrest anyone anchoring near or under a bridge, or even taking photos of bridges. Which is kind of funny. The government will sell you maps of underwater obstructions (charts), but if you try to document your "air draft" for sharing with your friends, that's suspicious to the point of getting detained.

My philosophy, cooperate in the field, offer dissent via US Mail.

[misterlarry]

Great story. Thanks.

[jmra]

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