Thinking about Proposing

[TheCytochromeC]

FIrst of all, congrats to you on a long relationship already. My wife and I dated for several years through high school and college and I think in many respects that has made our marriage easier (but still not easy!).

As far as the ring, I don't know either of you but my suggestion would be to disregard the typical advice you get such as "budget 2-3 months salary". That's a marketing ploy from the diamond industry (same thing as diamonds are truly rare). If you're not stuck on recent tradition, it may not even have to be a diamond if neither of you are the type that cares about that. My wife wanted a diamond ring so that's what I got for her after quite a bit of shopping around.

What I ended up doing was picking out a certified diamond that looked good and was a decent size but not extravagant and then had it placed in a setting I knew she would like. It wasn't very expensive or large but the clarity of the diamond made up for the size.

That said, once you're engaged, I highly recommend pre-marital counseling even if you're not religious. A good, honest assessment of your relationship with a professional will at least give you both a good footing for starting off your marriage right.

Good luck to you!

Great advice.
If you can't afford the ring, don't buy it. But don't go cheap and then expect to spend thousands on "toys".
Don't go to bed angry (especially in your first years of marriage). My wife and I had some very late night discussions in the kitchen, but the bedroom was a sanctuary of peace and tranquility. Worked very well for us.
Don't be in a hurry to have kids. My wife and I were married for 10 years before starting a family. It allowed us to do things for our kids financially that we would have been unable to do otherwise.

Sage advice by both. Its not the price of the ring that counts. It's the love in the heart and commitment in the mind that counts. If it was the price of the ring that mattered, my wife would have never married me. I bought her here ring when I was 17 and broker than broke. That was almost 29 years ago that we got married.

This does seem like unquestionably good advice from both parties. I should add that I don't think she really wants an expensive ring. In fact, I've heard her say that she wouldn't be comfortable spending the price range I'm talking about, that of a nice used car. However, I thought it would be a good thing to treat her well and get her something really nice. She unquestionably deserves to be treated like that. Although, what's been said here makes a lot of sense. I should probably cut my budget in about half and we could get something more flashy when we have a larger income. She'll be an independently operating surgeon by then so we should be able to afford it. Of course, that is if obamacare doesn't affect her income.

Oh, by the way, she has zero guns and is supportive of all of my hobbies. Even if they worry her, like motorcycle riding. I'm the cook for sure.

[mojo84]

Sounds like you are on top of it and will probably make a wise decision for the two of you. Best wishes.

[jmra]

she'll be an independently operating surgeon by then

Did I say something about kids? Forget I ever said that. Keep a picture of her next to your side of the bed. You'll need it.
(My wife runs an OR. She is constantly trying to convince surgeons to go home and spend time with their families. Her efforts are always futile.)

[Oldgringo]

Rather than a ring, get her an engagement gun?

[anygunanywhere]

Rather than a ring, get her an engagement gun?

Winner!

Anygunanywhere

[Cedar Park Dad]

Rather than a ring, get her an engagement gun?

Now thats executive thinking.

[jmra]

Rather than a ring, get her an engagement gun?

Usually a discussion that involves both marriage and guns does not turn out well for the groom. Given that she has no guns and tolerates his hobbies, I going to bet this would not be the exception.

[thatguy]

Rather than a ring, get her an engagement gun?

but remove the firing pin first...then wait and see...

[jmra]

Since your wife is a surgeon she might enjoy this.
My wife worked with a surgeon who wanted all the GSWs that came into the hospital. Whenever they got word one was coming, they had to find a specific metal bowl so that the surgeon could hear the sound of the bullet hitting the metal bowl after he removed it. He got such a kick out of hearing that sound.
He had one kid that he had pulled bullets out of 3 different times. He would get aggravated because they were always small caliber bullets and he liked the sound of something a little larger hitting the metal bowl.

[mojo84]

jrma, Isn't that like a surgeon telling fat jokes while doing a liposuction procedure?

[TheCytochromeC]

Since your wife is a surgeon she might enjoy this.
My wife worked with a surgeon who wanted all the GSWs that came into the hospital. Whenever they got word one was coming, they had to find a specific metal bowl so that the surgeon could hear the sound of the bullet hitting the metal bowl after he removed it. He got such a kick out of hearing that sound.
He had one kid that he had pulled bullets out of 3 different times. He would get aggravated because they were always small caliber bullets and he liked the sound of something a little larger hitting the metal bowl.

I've heard of surgeons joking about this, while operating on a gsw. He said, "forceps... Gauze.... Metal pan... Where's the metal pan? We don't have it? Oh, we'll I guess I can't dispose of this."

[The Annoyed Man]

TheCytochromeC, this is not marital advice. This is advice on what the meaning of the price of the ring is with regard to how much you love your fiancée. I'm assuming that if you're thinking of marriage, you're thinking of permanence. I've been married for a little over 25 years, and I don't think I spent more than a few hundred dollars on my wife's engagement ring. She wasn't marrying the ring, she was marrying me. It wasn't the price of the ring that told her I loved her enough to marry her; it was that I was willing to give up the benefits of being single to spend the rest of my life with her that told her I loved her that much. It was the fact that I thought being married to her would make me more of who I am than less of who I am. It sounds trite, but "it's the thought that counts" is actually applicable here.

One thing to consider is this: what impact will paying "the price of a car" for a ring have on your family finances once you're married. When you tie that knot, the two of you become a family, even if you don't have kids yet. If you're buying that ring on credit, what impact will the future payments have on your monthly living expenses? Will you have to do without some things so that you can afford the ring payments? Will paying less for the ring mean that you'll have more for the honeymoon?

The type of metal or the choice of stone is purely a matter of personal taste, but before you indulge that taste, you should examine what effect it will have on other, equally important, decisions down the road.

[jmra]

jrma, Isn't that like a surgeon telling fat jokes while doing a liposuction procedure?

The wife could tell some stories. After she retires she should write a book.

[txglock21]

I'm not going to give any marital advice because I'm into my second marriage myself. I just want to say good luck and best wishes to you and future wife!

[anygunanywhere]

I'm still married to my first wife.

As I have aged I also have examined my life with Mrs. Anygun. I love her more now than I ever have. She is everything to me.

One of the realizations that I have made through my examinations is that when I sacrifice everything for her and do not expect anything in return, our marriage is joyful. When I am selfish and focus on me, times get rough.

When you marry her, you both are one. Give her everything. Hold nothing back.

Anygunanywhere