First Wife Protest

[jmra]

...talking to a pastor about most things in life is fine...but bringing up concealed carry to a pastor gives him, if he's so disposed, the opening to give you a written, verbal, and/or oral warning not to carry in church...that won't be on my list of questions...don't start none and there won't be none...

[Bulldog1911]

...talking to a pastor about most things in life is fine...but bringing up concealed carry to a pastor gives him, if he's so disposed, the opening to give you a written, verbal, and/or oral warning not to carry in church...that won't be on my list of questions...don't start none and there won't be none...

+1...unless you attend my church, where concealed carry is welcome and our Pastor has even made comments from the pulpit about it..
e.g. " Some people have asked me, doesn't it make you feel uncomfortable knowing that some members of your church are bringing guns into the sanctuary? I tell them, listen. We got local PD, we got county sheriff's, and we got rednecks...there are guns all over this place. If you come into this house trying to start some trouble, you will be meet with the deacon's treatment."

Did I mention, I love my Pastor.

[speedsix]

...was told in first CHL class years ago that we'd be astonished at how many NTex pastors carry every day...I just don't wanna be openin' the gate and lettin' out one who don't...

[E.Marquez]

It's such a personal and individual question and the only right answer is the one that works for you and your wife.

Me? I love my wife, been married longer than most folks (strange though not on this list,, lots of long time couples here,, ahh another thread maybe) But I would not ask her permission, nor would I be open to having her tell me not to carry, or ride motorcycles, ...or quit the Military ... I did all of those things before I met her, I might entertain a discussion, on any of those topics, but in the end, if I choose to continue,, then that is the choice..

I hope this kind of situation never comes up for us, it's been a great 22 years,,, I’m not sure what she would do after she leaves me


My answer to the question 'why do you carry a gun" and all its optional wordings is always the same... Random crime, is,, well random. If you can tell me where the next random violent crime will be, I'll make sure I don't go there. "............. I've never gotten an actual answer.

[chasfm11]

I asked for advice...I got it!!! No disrespect intended, but I asked for compelling arguments to help sway her position...not marital advice. I appreciate those who might suggest that there are issues behind her protest, but I think after 21 years together, I know her pretty well. I'm convinced that this is more about image and her feelings of safety than it is about a deficiency in our relationship. My wife is my most prized possession...and I say that with utmost respect (she isn't my property). I'm not going to get a divorce over this. We were married 20 years without a CHL. If not carrying at church is a big deal, I'll adapt. Being the spiritual leader of my household involves listening, compromising, and not always being heavy handed. To me, that's a prescription for many wives!

I appreciate all of your responses. I'm going to try a couple of these out when the time is right. She has talked about going to the range with me. As I stated earlier, she isn't anti-gun. She has no opposition to me carrying daily. I think she just needs to warm up to the idea that bad things can happen anywhere and everywhere. The world won't end if it takes a little time for this transition.

Thanks again to everyone who has replied.

I'm going to suggest something different. My guess is that your wife has unvoiced reservations about your carrying other places besides church and that for her, your wanting to carry in church just put her "over the top."

For reference, my wife and I will be married 41 years this December. I didn't originally get my CHL with the idea to carry daily. We have an RV and I wanted something besides the shotgun that we've had with us since we bought the RV. When I found this board and started reading, I found myself on a journey. This happened before my plastic arrived.

When I even suggested my Wally Walk, my wife nearly came unglued. She supported my getting a CHL but saw no need for me to carry other than the RV. I discovered that while I had made a journey through reading this forum, she had not. I just started carrying without saying any more about it. When I posted here that I was doing things that way, I was roundly criticized. I, however, knew my wife and how to go about working with her.

Over weeks of suspecting that I was carrying but not knowing for sure, she grew more and more comfortable. Like you, I got push back when I first mentioned carrying in church but by then, she was far enough along her own journey that she recognized that there was no exposure to my being "exposed."

Now, she often asks if my gun is on hip when we go out, just to make sure. And I just smile.

I'm willing to bet that if I had sat her down in the beginning and asked her what was triggering her concerns, she would not have been able to articulate those concerns. I suspect that it was multi- faceted and that the biggest problem was that she hadn't thought it all through herself.
- would I have an ND?
- would I be detected? (she knew about Costco)
- would I be arrested?
- if I were detected in church, were there pacifists/antis in the congregation? We've already left one church because non-religious conflicts and she isn't anxious to go through that again.

If you talk to marriage counselors, they will tell you that a lot of couples have conflicts over finances but when you dig under it, the root of the conflict really isn't money. If you talk to weight loss counselors, they will tell you that many times, the underlying problem isn't food. Taking that type of logic one step further, I don't think all gun related conflicts are what they are initially thought to be either. But maybe that is just me.

[terryg]

This sounds very similar to my situation. My progression from CHL holder "just in case" to "carrying as often as possible" came at a speed that surprised myself as much as it surprised my wife. She is still acclimating to the concept and is more receptive in some places/areas than in others.

Church was one of those areas that seemed/felt awkward at first. But then, it felt awkward to me also - it took me several weeks before I was willing to do it. I didn't have any concerns as far as it being inappropriate in the House of God. But I was concerned about it being a stumbling block to others - and I think those were her concerns as well. The thought of being outed during the "hugfest" was as big for me as it was for her.

Buy a couple of things happened ... One is you start to realize just how easy it is to conceal and the tips about keeping your strong arm low during a hug really pay off. So the, first the fear of being outed in the first places drops to near nothing. Not just for me, but for her. Then, you start to become comfortable in your own skin and being ready to defend your position should the issue come up.

Also, while volunteering, my wife was talking to an older, respected couple in church talking about an incident where they were in an area and suddenly felt a little 'unsafe', and the wife said she asked her husband "you are packing, right?". So whether or not others carry in church, you do start to realize that there are more of us out there than we might otherwise realize.

[steve817]

I asked for advice...I got it!!! No disrespect intended, but I asked for compelling arguments to help sway her position...not marital advice.

Luke 22:36 is about as compelling as it gets when it comes to carrying at church in my humble opinion.
It might be time to have a chat with your pastor and see how he feels about it, hopefully he supports it.
When she sees that he has no problems, it may help to ease the tension.

[hangfour]

Get braced, it may be new wife time?

Yes ... I know that this is insensitive but: "Who is head of this house when it comes to very serious matters like the lives of the family". There I said it.

[Crossfire]

Here is the thing about carrying in church...

When you get to the church, do you lock your car doors in the church parking lot? Why?

If you take the steps that a reasonable person would take to protect your PROPERTY in the church parking lot, then why wouldn't you take those same reasonable steps to protect your LIFE in the church building?

[tbrown]

Here is the thing about carrying in church...

When you get to the church, do you lock your car doors in the church parking lot? Why?

If you take the steps that a reasonable person would take to protect your PROPERTY in the church parking lot, then why wouldn't you take those same reasonable steps to protect your LIFE in the church building?

[Blindref757]

Get braced, it may be new wife time?

Yes ... I know that this is insensitive but: "Who is head of this house when it comes to very serious matters like the lives of the family". There I said it.

The Scripture states that I'm to be the Spiritual head of my household. If you want to go technical on Luke 22 and say..."It's in the Bible, so it's spiritual and I'm in charge", you can win the argument and lose the war. If we think of the husband/wife relationship in parallel context to the Christ/church relationship as the scriptures teach, Christ didn't divorce the church over a disagreement...he educated...peacefully! My wife is my equal as it relates to making decisions about our daily lives together. I WANT to carry my gun out of love for my family. I don't NEED to carry a gun to church. I'm not ALLOWED to carry a gun at work. My daily happiness isn't dependent on having a gun on my hip. I draw much more happiness out of having a partner through this journey. f it takes her some time to get her head around that, it will be fine. If we never agree, I'm certain that we can work a compromise. She will have a better understanding of my motive this week. She will have the opportunity to get out and handle a weapon this month, and we will begin to have more conversations about "what-if" situations.

I appreciate the responses...some have made me think really deeply about the situation...and others have just made me laugh. But both were necessary for me to begin to deal with the situation!

[Oldgringo]

Here is the thing about carrying in church...

When you get to the church, do you lock your car doors in the church parking lot? Why?

If you take the steps that a reasonable person would take to protect your PROPERTY in the church parking lot, then why wouldn't you take those same reasonable steps to protect your LIFE in the church building?

An incident on the front steps of the FUMC in rural Rusk, TX several years back is what prompted Mrs. Oldgringo and me to get our CHL's. That encounter with a multi-tat, much pierced east Texas crackhead has been told a couple times on this forum.

Yep, I carry in church, at funerals, Bar and Bat Mitzvas and everywhere else that CC is not prohibited...Mrs. Oldgringo not so much. I'd even carry at a wedding if I absolutey, positively, no way out, had to attend.

Mrs. Oldgringo expects me to carry...just sayin'.

[snatchel]

The only time my wife gives me any doodoo about carrying is when we head out to mass. After so long, we have come to an understanding. I dont print, she doesn't ask, and we go about our merry way.

[LikesShinyThings]

Get braced, it may be new wife time?

Yes ... I know that this is insensitive but: "Who is head of this house when it comes to very serious matters like the lives of the family". There I said it.

The Scripture states that I'm to be the Spiritual head of my household. If you want to go technical on Luke 22 and say..."It's in the Bible, so it's spiritual and I'm in charge", you can win the argument and lose the war. If we think of the husband/wife relationship in parallel context to the Christ/church relationship as the scriptures teach, Christ didn't divorce the church over a disagreement...he educated...peacefully! My wife is my equal as it relates to making decisions about our daily lives together. I WANT to carry my gun out of love for my family. I don't NEED to carry a gun to church. I'm not ALLOWED to carry a gun at work. My daily happiness isn't dependent on having a gun on my hip. I draw much more happiness out of having a partner through this journey. f it takes her some time to get her head around that, it will be fine. If we never agree, I'm certain that we can work a compromise. She will have a better understanding of my motive this week. She will have the opportunity to get out and handle a weapon this month, and we will begin to have more conversations about "what-if" situations.

I appreciate the responses...some have made me think really deeply about the situation...and others have just made me laugh. But both were necessary for me to begin to deal with the situation!

You are truly a wise man. My guess is that your wife is lucky to have you as a husband. You recognize what it takes to make a happy marriage, starting with a respectful relationship with your partner (as you did state).

As others have stated, it may very well just be a case of your wife adjusting to the idea. The longer you carry, the more likely she is to be less concerned about the idea of carrying in church.

It's funny - my husband and I both have our CHLs. Sometimes, though, one of us doesn't feel like carrying (ill, tired, etc). Then is when we will ask the other "Are you carrying? Yes? Good. I'm not up to it right now." It's so nice to be able to share the responsibility. And to be honest, I have a gun that tends to live in my purse. Since I rarely go anywhere without my purse (sometimes from habit, sometimes because that's how I wish to carry my firearm), I will often end up being the one carrying the protection for us.

[RPBrown]

It took several years for my wife to get comfortable with me carrying at all, then she when she was more comfortable, she felt uneasy about carrying at church. After hearing about some of the church shootings, she now not only asks if I am but she has her chl and is carrying also.

It just takes some time for adjustment as with any major change.