First Wife Protest

[jmra]

First, I would never suggest you get a new wife over carry at church. That being said, I am more likely to carry at church than I am anywhere else. I work at an ISD so don't carry a lot during the week. I do carry every Sunday at church as I believe the church is as big a target as any.

I am blessed in that not only do my wife and I share the same faith, we both also have an appreciation for guns (not only as a tool that helps ensure the safety of our family but also as the works of art many firearms are). She bought me my first AR and we took the CHL class together. We both shot expert but she did beat me by one point. She reminds me about that often.

I leave the house for church on Sunday morning a couple of hours before the wife and kids (I help with multiple services). The last thing my wife always says before I leave is "I love you. Do you have your gun?".

If you haven't already, I would take her to the range and let her become friendly with your firearms. Stress the importance of her being able to defend herself if you are not around. Play the give and take angle, lets go to the range and then we can go...(something that she enjoys). I have yet to see anyone who after 4 or 5 trips to the range didn't start asking to go to the range. As she becomes more interested in shooting, the church issue will fade.

[sugar land dave]

Wow! Poor guy posts about his wife not wanting him to carry to church and the group has interpreted this as marital problems and a prelude to divorce?

This is a tough crowd today! Welcome to Monday!

[thatTexasLady]

Oh my, God gave you your wife and is a God of love not a God of canning your wife so you can carry at church. There have been several valid points here.
1.) There may be some underlying relationship issues that your wife has unmet and doesn't know how to tell you. But she does know how to get mad about your gun at her "safe place"...her church. In order to repair your relationship I would suggest you try something. For the next 40 days, on Sunday leave your gun at home, without her asking. Don't make a big deal of it, just leave it. She is more important to you than the gun, I promise. The Bible says "he who finds a wife finds a good thing". You should also go buy the book "The Love Dare". Keep this a secret and every day for the next 40 days, do what the book suggests. This, I can almost promise, help you out in the relationship part. Then at the end of the 40 days, at the end of the Love Dare, revisit this issue. Go on the number 2.
2.) Your wife doesn't understand that there have been SO many church shootings and what God says about protecting yourself and your family. Give her this link to my blog http://thattexaslady.blogspot.com/2011/ ... carry.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; written by a lady for a lady. You can also see if she would like to attend a class at http://www.womenssafetyacademytexas.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; if you are anywhere near one. Take her to the links of all the church shootings so she can see what has happened. Talk with her, ask her what her fears are and try to truly understand how she feels. Let her know that you love her and that you carry to protect her, according to Jesus' command. Education and understanding are key.
3.) If, after all this, she still requests that you don't carry, consider honoring her wishes. You CHOSE to love her "above all others" including that gun. You made a covenant with her and God to honor and cherish her.

New International Version (NIV)

1 Corinthians 13

1 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

[The Annoyed Man]

Wow! Poor guy posts about his wife not wanting him to carry to church and the group has interpreted this as marital problems and a prelude to divorce?

This is a tough crowd today! Welcome to Monday!

Not me. I not only made no comments on the state of his marriage, I'm the one who said, "Your marriage is a sacred trust. Above all, let peace reign there." That was a blessing from me.

I also pointed out some biblical rationals for the idea of carrying in church. I am pretty convinced that my biblical rationale is solidly based in the written scriptures, and in their spiritual intent. But at the end of the day, each married couple has to decide what works for them. I gave my opinion, but their mileage may vary. It's not mine to judge how they work out it. I can only speak for myself and my own marriage. I do hope that they are able to work it out to the OP's satisfaction, because I believe his position to be the right one.....from my perspective.

[Oldgringo]

Wow! Poor guy posts about his wife not wanting him to carry to church and the group has interpreted this as marital problems and a prelude to divorce?

This is a tough crowd today! Welcome to Monday!

It's called experience. Experience that has been gathered over years of living, learning and watching...

[The Annoyed Man]

If you haven't already, I would take her to the range and let her become friendly with your firearms. Stress the importance of her being able to defend herself if you are not around. Play the give and take angle, lets go to the range and then we can go...(something that she enjoys). I have yet to see anyone who after 4 or 5 trips to the range didn't start asking to go to the range. As she becomes more interested in shooting, the church issue will fade.

Better yet, suggest that as long as there are going to be guns in the house, she should know how to safely handle and use them. THEN, take yourself out of the equation and offer to find her an NRA Certified Basic Pistol instructor who has a lot of experience working with ladies. Then offer to stay home and watch the kids while she goes and has some fun without you hovering over her. I can practically guarantee that she will come home with a different perspective.

[sugar land dave]

And the hits just keep on coming! I stand amazed at this start to a new week!

On topic, I think you made a wise move to quickly assess and move on to church without your firearm. Now that you have a little time, you two should quietly discuss the issue if it is that important to you. I will assume that you have not spent 21 years in a troubled relationship, so you should be able to talk to each other. Remember that life is compromises. You make them at work, and you make them in your PRIVATE home life. Talk WITH your wife. She's your partner. Congratulations on a long marriage!

[The Annoyed Man]

And the hits just keep on coming! I stand amazed at this start to a new week!

On topic, I think you made a wise move to quickly assess and move on to church without your firearm. Now that you have a little time, you two should quietly discuss the issue if it is that important to you. I will assume that you have not spent 21 years in a troubled relationship, so you should be able to talk to each other. Remember that life is compromises. You make them at work, and you make them in your PRIVATE home life. Talk WITH your wife. She's your partner. Congratulations on a long marriage!

Here's the deal.... I'm not going to presume to tell him how he must conduct his married life, but HE is the one who brought this question to this board, ASKING for input. If you don't want to see any input, I'd suggest you don't read this thread. Most of what has been offered here by way of solicited suggestions, has been offered entirely in the spirit in which it was asked for, meaning no disrespect to the OP or his wife. If anything I've posted here in reponse to the OP's question is objectionable to the OP, I'm sure he'll let me know. In twelve days, I'll have been happily married to my best friend in life for 23 years. It's not like I don't understand the institution.

If you don't want to see solicited suggestions offered, perhaps you should make suggestions to the OP about your opinion as to the propriety of asking for such help in the first place. But don't jump on people for responding, positively, to his request.

[Blindref757]

I asked for advice...I got it!!! No disrespect intended, but I asked for compelling arguments to help sway her position...not marital advice. I appreciate those who might suggest that there are issues behind her protest, but I think after 21 years together, I know her pretty well. I'm convinced that this is more about image and her feelings of safety than it is about a deficiency in our relationship. My wife is my most prized possession...and I say that with utmost respect (she isn't my property). I'm not going to get a divorce over this. We were married 20 years without a CHL. If not carrying at church is a big deal, I'll adapt. Being the spiritual leader of my household involves listening, compromising, and not always being heavy handed. To me, that's a prescription for many wives!

I appreciate all of your responses. I'm going to try a couple of these out when the time is right. She has talked about going to the range with me. As I stated earlier, she isn't anti-gun. She has no opposition to me carrying daily. I think she just needs to warm up to the idea that bad things can happen anywhere and everywhere. The world won't end if it takes a little time for this transition.

Thanks again to everyone who has replied.

[RPB]

One could ask:
"IF the worst happened, afterwards, would you regret watching me and others get shot, and wishing you had allowed me to be armed?" "Can you imagine how I'd feel if you got shot and I couldn't stop it?"
and
"If Nothing happens, then it really doesn't matter if I am or not, does it?"

So ...

(Females understand feelings, sometimes you gotta speak their language ... might listen better than "There was 18 church shootings in the last ten years" stats)

[sugar land dave]

It's called experience. Experience that has been gathered over years of living, learning and watching...

I am pretty long in the tooth too. Well-traveled. Fairly well educated. Pretty good IQ. There is nothing within me that feels compelled to start suggesting someone else's marriage in a negative light on a General CHL forum. So, respectfully, I disagree with those who would do so.

[sugar land dave]

I asked for advice...I got it!!! No disrespect intended, but I asked for compelling arguments to help sway her position...not marital advice. I appreciate those who might suggest that there are issues behind her protest, but I think after 21 years together, I know her pretty well. I'm convinced that this is more about image and her feelings of safety than it is about a deficiency in our relationship. My wife is my most prized possession...and I say that with utmost respect (she isn't my property). I'm not going to get a divorce over this. We were married 20 years without a CHL. If not carrying at church is a big deal, I'll adapt. Being the spiritual leader of my household involves listening, compromising, and not always being heavy handed. To me, that's a prescription for many wives!

...<snip>...

Now there IS wisdom! Congratulations again! And also to those others on this thread with long fulfilling marriages!

Happy Monday to you!

[bayouhazard]

I ask the readers to consider the reverse situation. Suppose spouse A was not comforable carrying in church, and spouse B was pressuring A to carry. Would you be giving consistent advice?

If you're saying it's Blindref's choice and his wife should respect that, would you also be saying it's A's choice to not carry and B should respect that?

If you're saying Blindref shouldn't carry because his wife asked him not to, would you also be saying A should carry because their spouse asked them to?

You don't have to reply publicly. All I ask is you consider the question and answer yourself honestly.

[JJVP]

I asked for advice...I got it!!! No disrespect intended, but I asked for compelling arguments to help sway her position...not marital advice. I appreciate those who might suggest that there are issues behind her protest, but I think after 21 years together, I know her pretty well. I'm convinced that this is more about image and her feelings of safety than it is about a deficiency in our relationship. My wife is my most prized possession...and I say that with utmost respect (she isn't my property). I'm not going to get a divorce over this. We were married 20 years without a CHL. If not carrying at church is a big deal, I'll adapt. Being the spiritual leader of my household involves listening, compromising, and not always being heavy handed. To me, that's a prescription for many wives!

I appreciate all of your responses. I'm going to try a couple of these out when the time is right. She has talked about going to the range with me. As I stated earlier, she isn't anti-gun. She has no opposition to me carrying daily. I think she just needs to warm up to the idea that bad things can happen anywhere and everywhere. The world won't end if it takes a little time for this transition.

Thanks again to everyone who has replied.

Here is something that has not been suggested by others. Have you talked to your pastor concerning CHL's attending service armed? There are many pastors, that not only support it, but welcome it. If he is one, he could then talk to her and tell her that he welcomes you carrying in church. If he is not, then you are back to square one. Just a thought.

[speedsix]

...talking to a pastor about most things in life is fine...but bringing up concealed carry to a pastor gives him, if he's so disposed, the opening to give you a written, verbal, and/or oral warning not to carry in church...that won't be on my list of questions...don't start none and there won't be none...