Really bad jokes

[The Annoyed Man]

She said, 'Aye - Ye will be when the tide comes in.'

What name to you give to a surfer with no arms and no legs?

Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs stuck in a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall?

Art.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs at your front door?

Matt.

OK, OK, I'll stop with the "What do you call a man with no arms or legs" stuff.

How many elephants can you fit in a VW Bug?

Five. Two in the back, two in the front, and one in the glove compartment.

An Aggie is walkin' down the street with a pig under his arm, and this ol' boy walks up and says, "Where d'ya get that?" The pig says, "Won him in a raffle."

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

Why won't a bike stand up by itself?
It's two tired.

Please...


...help....

...can't...

...stop....

[megs]

This post in the Walmart check-out thread reminded me of a bad joke.

Maybe her former job was at the carnival as an age and weight guesser.

My roommate went on a blind date and he took her to the carnival.

After they rode a few rides, he asked what she wanted to do next. She said, "I want to get weighed." He took her to the age and weight guessing booth and my roommate is petite but strong, so the carnie guessed too low and she won a cute prize.

They played some games on the midway, then he asked what she wanted to do next. She said, "I want to get weighed." They went back to the booth but the carnie remembered her weight so they didn't win anything this time.

They had some funnel cake and then he asked what she wanted to do next. She said, "I want to get weighed." Instead, he took her home and dropped her off early.

When she came in the door, I asked how her date went. She said, "Wousy."

[Oldgringo]

This post in the Walmart check-out thread reminded me of a bad joke.

Maybe her former job was at the carnival as an age and weight guesser.

My roommate went on a blind date and he took her to the carnival.

After they rode a few rides, he asked what she wanted to do next. She said, "I want to get weighed." He took her to the age and weight guessing booth and my roommate is petite but strong, so the carnie guessed too low and she won a cute prize.

They played some games on the midway, then he asked what she wanted to do next. She said, "I want to get weighed." They went back to the booth but the carnie remembered her weight so they didn't win anything this time.

They had some funnel cake and then he asked what she wanted to do next. She said, "I want to get weighed." Instead, he took her home and dropped her off early.

When she came in the door, I asked how her date went. She said, "Wousy."

[puma guy]

She said, 'Aye - Ye will be when the tide comes in.'

What name to you give to a surfer with no arms and no legs?

Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs stuck in a pile of leaves?

Russel.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs hanging on a wall?

Art.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs at your front door?

Matt.

OK, OK, I'll stop with the "What do you call a man with no arms or legs" stuff.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs who plays nine musical instruments?

Stump The Band

[terryg]

Have you heard about the new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!

HAHAHAHA

[surprise_i'm_armed]

Did you hear about the Texas Aggie girl who was pregnant and worried?
She was afraid it wasn't hers.
***********************************************
The scientists have invented French poodles that can talk.
The first one said "I HATE my hair like this!!"
**************************************************
The cigarette industry recently conducted a study.
They found that 9 out of 10 woment that have tried Camels prefer men.
************************************************
John Elway has just gotten a role in the OJ Simpson movie.
He's going to play the slow white Bronco.
**************************************************
Do you know how to come out of the current recession as a millionaire?
Start out as a billionaire.
************************************************
What do you call a 1-legged American woman? Eileen.
What do you call a 1-legged Japanese woman? Irene.
*******************************************************
Cross country skiing is a lot easier if you live in a small country
********************************************************
What are the 2 happiest days in a boater's life?
The day he BUYS his boat and the day he SELLS his boat.

SIA

[carlson1]

After the moderators have viewed these threads it was voted to lock it. It has gotten to the point that all acceptable jokes have been posted and that several off-color or profane posts have been deleted lately, so it we decided to lock it. Please DO NOT start another topic on it.