Really bad jokes

[mikeintexas]

What is black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!

What's black and white and red all over?

A zebra covered in blood.

What's black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a bloody nose...

[keroseneburner]

Disclaimer: I love my MIL. She even laughed.

What is the ideal weight for a mother in law?










5 pounds including the urn.

[Ropin]

With the same disclaimer as above, because my MIL is good people....

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?







Outlaws are actually wanted.

[Warhammer]

The definition of "mixed emotions" - watching your mother in law drive your brand new car off a cliff.

[Ropin]

Back to the limb jokes...

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No Eye Deer.

What about a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still No Eye Deer.

So what about a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.

[RiveraRa]

I love my MIL as well...

Last year I bought her a tombstone for a Christmas present.
This year I didn't buy her anything. So she asked me...Why didn't you buy me anything for Christmas this year?
So I said, You still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!

[Excaliber]

In 2011 We'll have both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day.

As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which
we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication while the other involves a groundhog."

[WildBill]

In 2011 We'll have both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day.

As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which
we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication while the other involves a groundhog."

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, 'I bet you don't know what day this is?'

'Of course I do,' he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office.

At 11 o'clock, the doorbell rang. The wife answered, and at her front door was a UPS driver holding a box, containing a dozen red roses.

Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door. This time the driver had a box of Belgian chocolates.

Later that evening the husband came home, tired after a hard day's work. His wife greeted him by saying: 'First the flowers, then the chocolates, I've never had such a wonderful Groundhog Day!'

[WildBill]

Back to the limb jokes...

What do you call a woman who has one leg shorter than the other? Eileen

A Japanese woman with the same affliction? Irene

[Excaliber]

In 2011 We'll have both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day.

As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which
we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication while the other involves a groundhog."

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, 'I bet you don't know what day this is?'

'Of course I do,' he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office.

At 11 o'clock, the doorbell rang. The wife answered, and at her front door was a UPS driver holding a box, containing a dozen red roses.

Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door. This time the driver had a box of Belgian chocolates.

Later that evening the husband came home, tired after a hard day's work. His wife greeted him by saying: 'First the flowers, then the chocolates, I've never had such a wonderful Groundhog Day!'

Better safe than sorry!

[Warhammer]

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on him.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way.

[Warhammer]

What's the difference between a catfish and a Congressman?

One's a slimy, scum-sucking bottom feeder... and the other is a fish.

[Teamless]

Over the past few hours, while at work, I have read all of these posts... and I am dying!
Thanks for the fun y'all!

Merry Christmas!

[Commander Cody]

Just what kinda work do you do?

[WildBill]

How do they dance in Arabia?

Sheik-to-sheik