Wife's perception on CHL

[Paco]

I just took my class last Saturday, and my Wife is still giving me grief over this decision. I have been thinking about getting a CHL for some time now, just not had the "spare" cash to do it, until the shooting in Omaha (I know people in that town and Council Bluffs, IA where there were victims from), I came home and told her I was getting a pistol and getting my CHL. She knew I meant business and was going to do it and was not asking permission but telling her what I was going to do.

The long and short of it is, she does not like the idea of me carrying a pistol. She thinks, as most of the anti-CHL people thought is that I would go Wild West vigilante on someone. She is NOT against CHL, just me having one for some reason. I have served in the Army as a Combat Engineer, so I know she is sure of my ability to handle the weapon. Her Sister and her Husband were the same way, actually said they would not let their kids come over to my house anymore, at least until I told them there have been rifles and ammo in my houses as long as they have known me (and their own Dad's house too); that kinda made them lighten up a bit.

I'm sure others have faced this type of "prejudice", what I would like to know is other than tell them that I am NOT doing it to feel tough or be a hot head and shoot the next guy who cuts me off but to "be ready" if I am in the next mall when someone goes off and I am unable to safely exit the building and have to defend myself or those who can't, what can/do you say/do to ease their concerns?

[flintknapper]

I just took my class last Saturday, and my Wife is still giving me grief over this decision. I have been thinking about getting a CHL for some time now, just not had the "spare" cash to do it, until the shooting in Omaha (I know people in that town and Council Bluffs, IA where there were victims from), I came home and told her I was getting a pistol and getting my CHL. She knew I meant business and was going to do it and was not asking permission but telling her what I was going to do.

The long and short of it is, she does not like the idea of me carrying a pistol. She thinks, as most of the anti-CHL people thought is that I would go Wild West vigilante on someone. She is NOT against CHL, just me having one for some reason. I have served in the Army as a Combat Engineer, so I know she is sure of my ability to handle the weapon. Her Sister and her Husband were the same way, actually said they would not let their kids come over to my house anymore, at least until I told them there have been rifles and ammo in my houses as long as they have known me (and their own Dad's house too); that kinda made them lighten up a bit.

I'm sure others have faced this type of "prejudice", what I would like to know is other than tell them that I am NOT doing it to feel tough or be a hot head and shoot the next guy who cuts me off but to "be ready" if I am in the next mall when someone goes off and I am unable to safely exit the building and have to defend myself or those who can't, what can/do you say/do to ease their concerns?

I wouldn't go to any great lengths to placate them. Just get your CHL, carry as much as you feel it is necessary, continue to be your regular law abiding normal self, and let them work it out.

If they are intellectually honest people....they will quickly see that they have nothing to be concerned about. If they are not, no amount of effort on your part is likely to persuade them.

[thankGod]

[MBGuy]

Just stick to your guns and you'll be fine. My wife was similar, asking me why I was paranoid, we live in a small town where the biggest crime was DWI, etc. I just kept carrying, showing her the news stories that would come up every now and then that showed crimes happening in "good" neighborhoods, two local drug busts in Sealy .......etc.

I also go to the range often, and tell her about the good people on this forum and their credentials (lawyers, LEOs, etc). One day I took her to the range and there was an IDPA meet. She was pleased to see that they were "normal people" . I guess she was expecting militant types, I don't know, but she was glad to see that they were people that she could be in line behind at a department store and never think they'd be "gun people".

One difference is that I've never been a hothead, so vigilantism wasn't on her list of concerns.

It's been a slow process, but its progress. Twice now she's expressed her wish that I was carrying when I couldn't carry (Rodeo and 6th street in Austin).

She's still against ARs though

[SC1903A3]

My wife was the Same way. She's from Chicago and believed nothing good would come from carrying. After I got my CHL she asked my oldest son why I got the license. His response was "because he can". I've been carrying 1 1/2 years now and she thinks nothing of it except when she bangs her hand while hugging me. She's also learned to walk on my left side so the gun doesn't poke her arm while we're walking in public. Yes, after 23 years of marriage we still walk arm in arm. Just let her know that it's for her safety as well as yours. She will be more accepting in time just as mine was.

[newbie06]

My wife was initially paranoid also. I just didn't make a huge deal about it. I carried all the time without her knowing it. When she finally found out I was carrying, she realized it wasn't that big of a deal. She realized that the vigilantly stereotype was wrong. Now she looks for 30.06 and 51% signs for me. She reminds me to stash the gun when we see one. It kind of has become a routine, and not too big of a deal. She also has come to realize that a gun is a comforting thing to have around when weird stuff is happening. We had someone aggressively knock on our door late the other night. She liked the idea of me having a .357 when going to the door to check things out.

[HighVelocity]

Take the whole family shooting. Better yet, sign them all up for an NRA basic pistol class. That would be a good start.

[The Annoyed Man]

My wife was never an "anti," but she wasn't all that fond of guns either. We've had them in our house for a long time now, and my son and I shoot a lot together, but she just hasn't been all that interested... ...until now.

It started with my getting my CHL. She likes that I carry when we go out, because she feels safer. One day I asked her if I bought her a gun of her own, would she take a CHL class and get her permit? She said yes. So I bought her a 642 snubbie for Valentines Day. Then I signed her up for our own llwatson's basic handgun course, which she will be taking on April 5th. In the meantime, she's been to the range with my son and I about 3 times, and once with just our son. After she takes llwatson's course, she'll be signing up for a CHL class.

The point of all that is to encourage you to have hope. It is entirely possible that, by this time next year, your wife could have made a 180º switch in her views, and actually be interested in learning to shoot, and maybe even getting her CHL. If she does, you can count on your other relatives letting up on you.

There is always hope.

[mmay1]

It's tough to convince someone, even your wife, to change their mind but stay the course. There are lots of news stories where lives have been saved in home invasion or car jacking situations - I used to share these with my wife. She was never an "anti," but would not consider firing a gun. Then one Monday at 3 am three guys tried to break in our house and with her on the phone with the police 911 dispatcher, it took 20 minutes for help to arrive. By then the intruders had given up and left, and she realized that the only thing standing between us and disaster was the handgun they saw pointed at them. Now we have 2 shooters in the house and she has a CHL. There are lot's of stories like mine. As they say, when seconds count the police are only minutes away. That's not a knock on law enforcement, just that we are responsible for our own well-being and safety.

[locknload]

The long and short of it is, she does not like the idea of me carrying a pistol. She thinks, as most of the anti-CHL people thought is that I would go Wild West vigilante on someone. She is NOT against CHL, just me having one for some reason.

I'm sure others have faced this type of "prejudice", what I would like to know is other than tell them that I am NOT doing it to feel tough or be a hot head and shoot the next guy who cuts me off but to "be ready" if I am in the next mall when someone goes off and I am unable to safely exit the building and have to defend myself or those who can't, what can/do you say/do to ease their concerns?

Just tell them that your wife and family are precious to you and are worth defending, and let it drop there. No one can reasonably argue with that and leave with any credibility whatsoever.

[Paco]

All good info and support, thanks. You'd think us living in McKinney with the Real Estate agent getting slaughtered a year or so ago, approx 2 miles from my sub-division, and all the knock and shoot crud going on in Frisco lately that she would not only be comfortable with the idea but would appreciate the idea. She knows I have always been one to defend myself and those who can't, so I just didn't understand why adding a sidearm would make that much of a difference.

Would she prefer me going up against a bugler that has a pistol and me only have my knife, I don't think she would; but she knows I'd defend my family to the death. It's just now I have better odds.

Thanks again for all the good support and suggestions, I think I'll start by taking the 11 year old out to shoot some of my .22 rifles.

[function12]

Take the whole family shooting. Better yet, sign them all up for an NRA basic pistol class. That would be a good start.

Get everyone out to the Range or through a gun safety class. Show them safety is ALWAYS first. Let them see how serious you are at the range and how serious/safe the other shooters are at the range.
They will now go over to the dark side.

[Paco]

One idea is one my CHL instructor did with his kids. He went and bought a 1/2 hog and took them out and strung it from a tree and let them shoot it. He said that the flesh of the hog was more realistic than popping a watermelon as it showed his kids what bullets do to flesh.

Not a bad idea, but man I'd sure hate to see all that good BBQ go to waste (I hail from NC people so pork is the only BBQ to eat).

[Mike1951]

(I hail from NC people so pork is the only BBQ to eat).

I had heard that there were poor, misguided souls that believed this.

[M9FAN]

My wife was initially paranoid also. I just didn't make a huge deal about it. I carried all the time without her knowing it. When she finally found out I was carrying, she realized it wasn't that big of a deal. She realized that the vigilantly stereotype was wrong. Now she looks for 30.06 and 51% signs for me. She reminds me to stash the gun when we see one. It kind of has become a routine, and not too big of a deal. She also has come to realize that a gun is a comforting thing to have around when weird stuff is happening. We had someone aggressively knock on our door late the other night. She liked the idea of me having a .357 when going to the door to check things out.

+1 My wife too!