How to be safe...
I took down my Rebel Flag (which you can't buy on EBAY anymore) and peeled the NRA sticker off my front window.
I disconnected my home alarm system and quit the Neighborhood Watch.
I bought two Somali flags and put one at each corner of my yard.
I purchased the black flag of ISIS (which you can buy on EBAY) and ran it up the flag pole.
Now the local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching my house 24/7.
I've never felt safer and I'm saving $69.95 a month that my home alarm system cost.
Plus, I bought burkas for me to wear when I shop or travel. Everyone moves out of the way and security can't pat me down.
If they say I'm a male wearing a burka, I just say I'm identifying as a woman today.
Hot Dang!...Safe at Last!!---America truly is great! Thanks Obama
