The Art of the Russian Mall Ninja

[The Annoyed Man]

Under the “do this, don’t do that” heading, here is some “don’t do that” stuff:

https://www.thefirearmblog.com/blog/201 ... all-ninja/

[cs1021]

What in the actual hell did I just watch

[Abraham]

They're just jealous of Paul Blart.

Mall Ninja extraordinaire...

[BBYC]

Gecko45:

I do not understand the “joke” or the “Rambo.” I am in a high-risk job. It is not the Mall of America, but Ill tell you what its no podunk mall either.I am a responsible citizen who has made the choice to carry at all times. I defend others. If something happens at the Mall then I would be the hero, not those of you who are making fun of me for no reason. Yes Im not a Green Beret but guess what neither are you and unlike you I have to face unruly shoppers every day.My REAL problem is that, like any LEO, I have enemies because of my job. They may have access to high-powered rifles. My job starts and ends at the same time every day. Although I use four rotating routes to drive to and from work, I am still vulnerable during the walk to and from my car. This is the time that I load up on the trauma plates because I DO NOT WANT TO BE SHOT DEAD!Also, someone said that my Tac Team doesn’t get training. Not true. We meet at the range every night and shoot 400 rounds each through weapons that closely resemble our duty setup. We also practice unarmed combat. I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls. I don’t think any of you are working as hard as I am to be prepared. I asked a serious question about tactical armor and I wanted a serious response. If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God.

[oljames3]

And some people say that shooting pistol competition matches will get you "killed in the streets." I'll stick to USPSA. I find it more applicable to real life than this ... stuff.

[Middle Age Russ]

Wow! I have to question the ninja bona fides, though. One of the first rules for a ninja is to be silent and undetected -- he committed a miserable fail on that one. Perhaps seppuku is in order, or then again maybe this video is his form of seppuku.

[PriestTheRunner]

Gecko45:

I do not understand the “joke” or the “Rambo.” I am in a high-risk job. It is not the Mall of America, but Ill tell you what its no podunk mall either.I am a responsible citizen who has made the choice to carry at all times. I defend others. If something happens at the Mall then I would be the hero, not those of you who are making fun of me for no reason. Yes Im not a Green Beret but guess what neither are you and unlike you I have to face unruly shoppers every day.My REAL problem is that, like any LEO, I have enemies because of my job. They may have access to high-powered rifles. My job starts and ends at the same time every day. Although I use four rotating routes to drive to and from work, I am still vulnerable during the walk to and from my car. This is the time that I load up on the trauma plates because I DO NOT WANT TO BE SHOT DEAD!Also, someone said that my Tac Team doesn’t get training. Not true. We meet at the range every night and shoot 400 rounds each through weapons that closely resemble our duty setup. We also practice unarmed combat. I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls. I don’t think any of you are working as hard as I am to be prepared. I asked a serious question about tactical armor and I wanted a serious response. If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God.

Troll level 1000! It has been found!

I thought it was hilariously stupid ... and kinda reminded me of that Russia tactical stairs training video, lol.

[Allons]

If it came down to me having to roll around like that to survive, I'd shoot myself in the head.

[bblhd672]

Watching that reminded me of this scene:

[The Annoyed Man]

That gave me cancer.

BWAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

[The Annoyed Man]

Gecko45:

I do not understand the “joke” or the “Rambo.” I am in a high-risk job. It is not the Mall of America, but Ill tell you what its no podunk mall either.I am a responsible citizen who has made the choice to carry at all times. I defend others. If something happens at the Mall then I would be the hero, not those of you who are making fun of me for no reason. Yes Im not a Green Beret but guess what neither are you and unlike you I have to face unruly shoppers every day.My REAL problem is that, like any LEO, I have enemies because of my job. They may have access to high-powered rifles. My job starts and ends at the same time every day. Although I use four rotating routes to drive to and from work, I am still vulnerable during the walk to and from my car. This is the time that I load up on the trauma plates because I DO NOT WANT TO BE SHOT DEAD!Also, someone said that my Tac Team doesn’t get training. Not true. We meet at the range every night and shoot 400 rounds each through weapons that closely resemble our duty setup. We also practice unarmed combat. I am a Master of three martial arts including ninjitsu, which means I can wear the special boots to climb walls. I don’t think any of you are working as hard as I am to be prepared. I asked a serious question about tactical armor and I wanted a serious response. If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God.

Praise Jesus! Somebody resurrected Gecko45 - the greatest blessing the Internet has ever known!

I’ll have to go back and reread his stuff. I haven’t read it in a long time, but that was some of the most brilliant comedy ever.....intended or not.

[Jusme]

I'm sorry, I'm too old to do all of that rolling, shooting, sideways, and whatever other "ninja" moves I would have to learn to defend myself, or my loved ones. I may get shot, but I will be returning fire, in the manner, I have trained, and practiced. If I have to go through all those gyrations, it just won't happen. Get off of the X, stabilize my gun, squeeze the trigger. Maybe if I came up against, John Wick, I might resort to some of those moves, but my physical conditioning, would just make me look even sillier, than the guy in the video.

[mayor]

That gave me cancer.

It didn't give me cancer, but I watched it during lunch. What happened next was not pretty.

[apostate]

Praise Jesus! Somebody resurrected Gecko45 - the greatest blessing the Internet has ever known!

A classic from the Golden Age of the 'net.