Is my wife really right? Say it ain't so...please

[03Lightningrocks]

Times have changed. I think. When growing up as a kid in the seventies we ran all over the place with no worry from our mom. We lived in Pasadena Texas for six years and then moved to Plano. There never seemed to be a lot of concern from parents. All my friends had the same freedom. I hate to say it but I think it was my generation that created "helicopter" parenting. I admit it. When mine were growing up I had to know everywhere they would be and time frames. When my daughter first started kindergarten I literally followed her from a few feet back every day she went to school..LOL. Heck, she is 38 and my son is 34 and I still worry non stop. Maybe with each generation parents are getting more cautious. Part of me believes it is with good reason. Random violence seems to be far more prevalent now than it was 45 years ago,

[Hoodasnacks]

1. The El Paso shooter drove over 600 miles to select the El Paso Walmart he targeted.
2. and 3. If these are true about your locale you might think about moving to a safer place.

And yes, she's right. You don't say how old your son is, but ability doesn't always accompany size. Get off your duff and go to the park with your kid. Take a ball and your gun if you think you need to (if you have a license, o'course). I went with my three, and now they're going with theirs. It'll be good for both of you.

He did drive 600 miles--but we walked by where he lived all the time...bit of a crazy thought. The strange thing is that he wanted to kill immigrants. Due to a recent storm, there was a crew of roofers on every other roof in the neighborhood--they may have literally dodged a bullet.

And lots of harshness on the board about going to the park--I do it all the time, just not every time.

[montgomery]

So my wife and I have had this argument quite frequently. It starts with one of my sons asking to go down to the neighborhood park or to the neighborhood basketball court. She says no unless his friends are going...or unless I go. If I have no desire to go, I am of course asked over and over again until I am annoyed enough to stop it. And then I turn to my wife and re-start the argument..."really, he can't just go? He could beat up child molesters and kidnappers. How unsafe is it really?"

I once found my wife's position absurd because, at least as of now, this particular son is nearly six feet tall and not exactly an easy target. Further, I live in a very nice neighborhood that is very safe. I thought my wife was just being silly until recent events:

1) the el paso shooter lived near (perhaps within walking distance).
2) random recent shooting of a kid on a bike in the city.
3) other random recent shootings in nearby apartments, etc.

--All within the last few months.

So my question to my esteemed wise CHL Board members--are we really to the point where she is right and we can't let teen-aged kids simply walk around in the neighborhood, or is it still that bad things randomly happen and it is so statistically improbable that we shouldn't baby the youth?

My wife's argument seems to get stronger by the day...

Your nice neighborhood is not safe, let alone very safe.

Perhaps this is a good time for your teenagers to learn about pre-assault indicators, managing unknown contacts, and at least basic empty hand skills. Perfectly legal for teens to carry pepper spray and edge weapons - pairs nicely with their smart phones - for self defense. Get them some pepper spray and basic edge weapons training - then calm your wife's anxiety with family force on force training. Your future grandchildren will thank you.

[LeonCarr]

What Montgomery said. Go with them to the park, and don't just sit on a park bench with your face in your phone like 99% of parents I see in the park.

Learning your surroundings and situational awareness can be fun. Ask your child questions. The man we saw walking up...what did he have in his hands? What is the license plate of that Gray Toyota? What is the address of the park we are at?

Just my .02,
LeonCarr

[MadMonkey]

I'd go with him at least a couple of times and see what type of people frequent the area, plus note how many major roads are in the vicinity etc.

If it's in a quiet corner of the neighborhood and not "in town", I wouldn't have an issue letting a teenager go by himself as long as I've checked it out myself and approve of the people there (no creeper types, gangs of thugs, etc). A few busybodies with a hair trigger on their 911 machines hanging around is a positive as well

Sometimes moms just need to learn to let go. She's going to be overprotective for his entire life, you're the one who will have to push to let the kids spread their wings.

I'm 36 and my mom still worries constantly. And she does more dangerous stuff than I usually do

[SewTexas]

speaking as a wife.....yes, she's right

ok, now that that's out of the way, let's look at why. You have learn situational awareness, we all have, and we still make mistakes. Teens don't have the life experience to have that skill yet, esp if they are trying to play ball or skateboard or whatever it is he wants to do.
Next, I live in San Antonio, we are constantly told about the sex traffickers, I also hear it every time I'm in Houston, they say they are primarily after girls, but go for boys too....
Lastly, as a mom, who is getting ready for a wedding....enjoy these days, they go quickly.

[The Annoyed Man]

Lastly, as a mom, who is getting ready for a wedding....enjoy these days, they go quickly.

Amen. We are celebrating my son's 30th birthday tomorrow, and it has gone by too quickly. And no, I still don’t let him go the park unaccompanied. Who’ll push the merry-go-round and the swing set for me if he’s not there?

[Grayling813]

"Is my wife really right?"

Of course she is...my wife told me so. Happy wife, happy life.

I agree with others who say use the time as awareness training with your son. The benefits to him are obvious, but you may also observe things you'd been missing about the park.

[Hoodasnacks]

"Is my wife really right?"

Of course she is...my wife told me so. Happy wife, happy life.

I agree with others who say use the time as awareness training with your son. The benefits to him are obvious, but you may also observe things you'd been missing about the park.

It's so true. We actually do awareness training. The sad thing is that I didn't think to do this with my oldest son. I guess we get better as we go as parents.

[Hoodasnacks]

What Montgomery said. Go with them to the park, and don't just sit on a park bench with your face in your phone like 99% of parents I see in the park.

Learning your surroundings and situational awareness can be fun. Ask your child questions. The man we saw walking up...what did he have in his hands? What is the license plate of that Gray Toyota? What is the address of the park we are at?

Just my .02,
LeonCarr

The phone parents drive me nuts. If you are taking the time, might as well play with them and do it right. I feel the same way about parents at the pool...just get in an play catch, it is way more fun anyway.

[03Lightningrocks]

What Montgomery said. Go with them to the park, and don't just sit on a park bench with your face in your phone like 99% of parents I see in the park.

Learning your surroundings and situational awareness can be fun. Ask your child questions. The man we saw walking up...what did he have in his hands? What is the license plate of that Gray Toyota? What is the address of the park we are at?

Just my .02,
LeonCarr

The phone parents drive me nuts. If you are taking the time, might as well play with them and do it right. I feel the same way about parents at the pool...just get in an play catch, it is way more fun anyway.

It is not just while playing. I consistently notice entire families all on their phones when eating out. Not a word is being exchanged. Once in awhile one of them will laugh and then furiously begin to text. It is crazy how cell phones have destroyed social communication.

[Liberty]

Statistically, it's a safer world today than what we grew up in. Before you know it he will be on his own, and Mommy and Daddy won't be around to protect him. When that time comes he will find that there are very few safe places for him when things go south. He will get into confrontations. It's up to us as parents to prepare him, to teach him situation awareness, and to properly arm himself. To teach him discipline and de-escalation skills. To know when to call home to get out of a situation or call 911.

There reaches a point where we need to let our kids go. They need to learn independence if we don't give it to them they will either rebel or turn 35 still living in Mom's garage. We need to let the have some freedom sometimes. The big question is when? What age?

I really feel bad for a kid that isn't allowed to roam and explore during the day without a parent close by. To me it's all a part of growing up.

[parabelum]

Wife is always right

It’s a fallacy however to think that we can control those things, or anything. Just be happy while you still can control your bladder

[Hoodasnacks]

What Montgomery said. Go with them to the park, and don't just sit on a park bench with your face in your phone like 99% of parents I see in the park.

Learning your surroundings and situational awareness can be fun. Ask your child questions. The man we saw walking up...what did he have in his hands? What is the license plate of that Gray Toyota? What is the address of the park we are at?

Just my .02,
LeonCarr

The phone parents drive me nuts. If you are taking the time, might as well play with them and do it right. I feel the same way about parents at the pool...just get in an play catch, it is way more fun anyway.

It is not just while playing. I consistently notice entire families all on their phones when eating out. Not a word is being exchanged. Once in awhile one of them will laugh and then furiously begin to text. It is crazy how cell phones have destroyed social communication.

It is sad really--my kids are trained well in this regard. They point out the sad families every once in a while (then I have to teach them to not judge ). My teen-age son actually told his grandpa who was in town for a visit that we don't have our phones out at dinner while in a restaurant the other day. I told him that the rule doesn't have to apply to individuals over 70....grandpa put it away anyway. The man knows the value of a good example.