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When Alexander Graham Bell first invented the telephone, he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.

Shingles get Chuck Norris.

C'mon y'all. Let's hear 'em.

I saw Chuck Norris about 15 years ago in a Starbucks on Congress Ave, in Austin, Texas. I was in line and heard his voice behind me. I turned around to see him be harangued by a shabbily dressed individual. The mostly one sided conversation continued for several minutes with Chuck politely responding and generally showing respect and acceptance. My already high opinion of Chuck went up.

Oh, and by the way, Chuck Norris sleeps with the light on at night. Not because he is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

When monsters get ready to go to sleep at night, they check under their bed for Chuck Norris.

Aliens do exist, they're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

On the bright side, the Grim Reaper refuses to reap Chuck Norris...

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't lift himself, he pushes the earth down.

Chuck Norris doesn't shave. His beard hairs flee the first chance they get.

A small city in Texas in once named a bridge after Chuck Norris. The name didn't even last a day, No one crosses Chuck Norris and Lives.

Chuck Norris once traveled back thru time to stop the JFK assassination. Despite the troubling paradoxes associated with time travel. Chuck arrived in the nick of time and the Bullets bounced harmlessly off his beard. Kennedy's head then exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris and superman got into a fight the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants for the rest of his life.

Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

In keeping with the theme of the Forum:

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

If a zombie were somehow able to bite Chuck Norris, it would turn into Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built the cabin he was born in.

Chuck Norris CAN eat soup with a fork.