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I think my kids will enjoy this at dinnertime- PG

Arrrgghhhhhhh
Hear that one a long time ago! Good to see it again though.

A Gorilla walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender thinks to himself.."this is a gorilla what does he know about money?" "That'll be 100 dollars" he says.
The gorilla pays the bartender and starts to drink his beer..as he is almost finished, the bartender walks over and says, "We don't get many gorillas in here."
The gorilla looks up and says "at 100 dollars a beer I'm not suprised".

A sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "I'm sorry, but we don't serve food here."

A man walks into a bar, and there's a horse as a bartender. The man keeps staring at him. Finally the horse says "What, you never saw a horse bartend before?" The man says "It's not that; I just never thought the bear would sell this place."

A neutron walks into a bar and asks "how much for a beer?" The bartender says "for you, no charge."

Stolen from Phyllis Diller.

Two Irishmen walked out of a bar. It could happen!

AndyC wrote:
"Well," said the pirate a touch defensively, "It was only my first day with the hook..."

I tell this joke in a very inebriated pirate accent - people love it!

A string walked into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says 'We don't serve strings here; you have to leave.' The string goes outside and untwists his strands and then ties himself in a knot.

The string goes back inside and orders a beer. The bartender says 'Hey, aren't you the string I just refused to serve?' The string says 'No, frayed knot.'

a duck walks in to a bar, orders a beer.
the bartender says thats $7.00
dacks says can you put that on my bill

A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.

A couple of mine but I take no credit for coming up with them.

A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I’ll have a whisky and soda"
The bartender says, "Why the big pause?"
"Dunno", says the bear. "I've always had them."

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A priest, a rabbi, and Irishman walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"

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Man walk in to a bar and asks, "Do you serve women in this place?"
The bartender, "No. You have to bring your own."

A man walks into a bar, backs up, and goes under it.

a string walks into a bar and orders a beer.
the Bartender says get out we don't serve your kind here.
The string leaves, then ties himself up and roughs up his ends then goes back into the bar
Hey aren't you that string that was just in here?
Frayed Knot

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The Texas Legislature walked into a bar to discuss Campus Carry

Nothing happened.

G26ster wrote:The Texas Legislature walked into a bar to discuss Campus Carry

Nothing happened.

Hey, this is a joke thread. Go somewhere else.

Why do elephants paint their toe nails red?
Too hide in a cherry tree.
Ever see an elephant in a cherry tree?
See it works.

How many steps does it take to put an elephant in a refrigerator?
2. 1. Open the door. 2. Put the elephant in.

How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
3. 1. Open the fridge. 2. Take the elephant out. 3 put the giraffe in.

The elephant and giraffe are both thirsty and are equal distance from the pond. Who gets there first?
The elephant, because the giraffe is stuck in a fridge.