Please, don't take things for granted.

[Zylo_X]

While I do not intend this to be a ‘religious’ thread, it is some what ‘spiritual’ in nature. By whatever name you want to call it, I believe there is something ‘After’. I have experienced several incidents like this, but I’d like to share this most recent.

First a little history... Way back when, in that awkward time between rotary dial phones, and flat rate $40 per month talk, text and web cell phone plans, I was chained to a pager. My wife and I would trade little numeric cryptograms back and forth to be deciphered into text messages. Knowing that we had hectic schedules, and were often separated by several time zones, our shorthand message to just say that we were in each others thoughts was “111”, and usually sent at eleven minutes after one i.e. 1:11. On those rare days when we were actually together at that time of day, we would take a moment to kiss and say “I love you”. Fast forward to April 2011. Debbie had been in San Diego for about 2 months taking care of the preemie-newborn twin grand babies, and our last conversation was on the evening of April 7th. We had a ‘normal’ conversation about the day’s events, our taxes, etc. then said “Good Night” and hung up as she was very tired and not feeling well. Later that night, she was rushed to the ER, and collapsed due to a massive brain aneurysm. After donating some organs and tissue, she was removed from life support on April 9th 2011. Debbie was 53.

Very early yesterday morning, I was awakened by that nauseous feeling of 'impending doom'. I did not look at the clock, and tried to keep my eyes closed and pretend it was just a bad dream. After several agonizing minutes, I figured the ham salad sandwich must have been a bad idea. Finally knowing what was next to come, in the darkness, I blindly tried to rush to the bathroom without tripping over the dog. I had a seat on the commode, put the waste basket between my knees, and waited. After the eruption of 'impending doom', I cleaned up and brushed my teeth again, then headed to the kitchen for some water. All the while, I tried to keep my eyes closed and convince myself that I still had many hours to get some sleep before having to go to work. As the cool water slid down my burning throat and settled my churning stomach, I looked at the clock on the stove. I smiled, whispered “I love you too”, and felt better as I headed back to bed. The time was 1:11am.

I'm sure there are 1000's of such stories amongst the members here, but I think its important to have a reminder, from time to time, that we should never take anything for granted. Thank you all for letting me share.

[Jumping Frog]

I am sorry for your loss. My wife is about that age, and I'd hate to think . . .

[Diesel42]

Thank you for sharing Zylo_X. The fact that you are receptive to spiritual acts speaks well of you.
Carry on!
Nick

[speedsix]

...thanks for sharing a peek at your happiness...and your pain...we are honored...

[jimlongley]

I am sorry for your loss, Zylo, and I believe I can share your pain. I lost my wife of 23 years to cancer at the age of 56 in 1993.

Riddled with multiple cancers, she had kept the illness hidden because she knew the war that would start over treatment, and she objected strenuously to any, having seen her father, mother, and several other close and beloved relatives suffer horribly. Not saying she knew she had cancer, but she must have had some inkling. The problem is that by the time we knew that it was more than just another migraine, just a mild UTI, or that the dry cough was not seasonal allergies, she was stage 4 everything, and it had spread to her brain.

Her prognosis was terminal from the minute we got her to the hospital, and at her insistence, and over the strident objections of our kids, she was taken home to pass in comfort.

Her regression was an horrible thing to see, and my tears well up just recalling, and at the last she was nothing more than infantile, lying in the hospital bed in the dining room of our dream home, and just waiting for the inevitable.

At 7am on the last day I awoke to her making sounds, as an infant will do when uncomfortable, and I struggled out of my cot, I couldn't sleep at all any distance from her, even one room away was too far, and noted that she had slid down in her bed and was all curled up and quite obviously uncomfortable. I reached down from the head of the bed to grab her shoulders and slide her up, and just then it was almost like seeing a light come on in her eyes, where there had been no intelligence for weeks, suddenly there was focus, and purpose, and the hands that had been curled in that stroke constricture opened, and she reached up and grabbed the back of my neck and pulled my face down to hers. As we touched lips, she let me up a little and looked up, and deeply into my eyes, and said "JIMMY!" and I knew she would be leaving that day.

And she did, 7:19pm 02/07/1993.

Sorry this was so long, it's actually hard to make it this short, as I am sure you appreciate.

I grieve for your loss and that you were not able to be by her side.

And I have a funny story about pagers related.

[strider67]

Zylo and Jim, very sorry for your loss, indeed...goose bumps while reading...I pray that each and everyone us will be able to experience love such as that. Keeps things in perspective for sure...

[texanron]

You guys have reminded me to focus more on what truly is important in this life. Thank you both very much for sharing.

[discoqueen]

Zylo and Jim, I am so very sorry for your loss.

You guys have reminded me to focus more on what truly is important in this life. Thank you both very much for sharing.

I had this wake up call almost two years ago, when my husband of 8 years was diagnosed with brain cancer at the age of 34.
He's "ok" for now, but brain cancer is a monster that sits quietly and waits - sometimes months, sometimes years - to rear it's ugly head again. But until they find a cure, it's always terminal.
So yes, please do not take things for granted, and don't put things off because there's no time to do it now. Make time. Love on your families, gather with friends, and take that vacation you've been meaning to take. You may not get another chance.

[snatchel]

Wow. You guys are making me tear up....

I've been married for 3 years... I hope to share the same connection and love that y'all have felt.

[10Shooter]

Thank you both for sharing.

[The Annoyed Man]

Thank you both for sharing.

I have occasionally forbidden my wife to pass before I do. I tell her if she dies first, I'll kill her, then I get a little misty eyed and grin at her. She smiles back. Men make plans, but God directs their paths. Fortunately, she is much healthier than I am. I am sorry for your loss.

[Syntyr]

Zylo_x,

My apologies for your loss. Somewhat related story...

My father was never in my life but my grandfather was. He was a product of the great depression and the dustbowl in Oklahoma. So needless to say was a TIGHTWAD! To the day he died he would not spend his own money on anything to make his life easier like a handicapped shower. The man did not have a high school diploma and worked extremely hard all of his life and passed away with some comfortable wealth. He was also VERY smart and could add, subtract, multiple and divide in his head faster than I could on a 10 key calculator. I also was never able to beat him at dominoes! He knew everything there was to know about plumbing, electrical, construction, cars etc. really near everything! He taught me so much in life. I never "have" to call a repair man even though I do splurge so I don't have to do the home repairs. There have been three occasions in my life that I have been in a problem or situation where I did not know what to do and I was so focused on the problem and I suddenly I could hear him tell me how to fix the problem I was having. I would turn around to say thanks and realize he was only there in spirit. I feel like he is still watching out for me. I miss him terribly, especially on his birthday...

[karder]

Powerful stories and good reminders. We spend a lot of time and effort in our lives on things that are not really important at all. If we want to see what is really important, many of us just need to look around the dinner table at night. It is not that complicated after all.

[Zylo_X]

I thought I should refer to this as a ‘spiritual’ thread so as to not run afoul of the board rules. I do try to be a religious person, but lately, I've been angry, and not as ‘disciplined’ as one might expect from the Italian, Catholic, former alter boy, son of a Korean War Vet named Santo. I hoped that I might reach one person so as to remind them of the ‘big picture’ importance of any given moment in time, but this has been a very cathartic experience for me. Outside of those immediately around me with a ‘need to know’, I have not spoken about any of this before now. I deeply appreciate the warm support, and sharing of others’ stories. Thank You. I prefer to think of these as stories of Love, not loss, and I hope that we can all find some comfort. Blessed Be.
Matt

[ajwakeboarder]

I had a similar experience my senior year of high school. A friend of mine that i've know for 12 years lived across the street from us. I saw him playing basketball one night and went and joined him. I'm not quite sure how the topic came up, but right before I had to go home we got on the topic of death. He said that he wanted people to be happy at his funeral. that was the last time i talked to him. He died 2 days later from the H1N1 virus. He was 15 years old.