Really bad jokes

[The Annoyed Man]

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

You are so fired. Pack your things.

[RPB]

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

You are so fired. Pack your things.

The word scrambler game got my brain on "word overdrive" today

I think I did almost 8 pages mostly by myself (never played it before, kinda hogged it, sorry)
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Still, I like the rubber band pistol in algebra class ... "weapon of math disruption"

[Smallestbodyman]

I heard one the other day. It fits well here.

A little polar bear comes home from school, asks his mom. Are you sure I'm a polar bear? Mom said yes son why do u ask? Little polar bear, ohh no reason just checking.
The next day he comes home again. Asks his mom. Mom, are you really sure I'm a polar bear? Yes son I'm positive you are a ploar bear! Said him mom. What's going on why did u ask me again? Little polar bear says, ohh no reason I was just checking!
The following day the little polar bear comes home again. Mom are you sure I'm a polar bear, was your mom and dad and their mom and dads and their mom and dads polar bears? What about dads mom and dad and their mom and dads? Yes son their all polar bears! Why? What's going on mom asked. Then why am I so cold? asked the little polar bear.

[cougartex]

A young engineer who graduated with distinction, was leaving the office at 3.45 p.m. when he found the Acting CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the Acting CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button. "Excellent, excellent!" said the Acting CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."

[RPB]

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

[RPB]

Now for the NEWS:
The local drive-in movie theater reports that someone made a hole in their fence. Police are looking into it.

[solaritx]

Ok.....

driving down the road........"what's in the road, A Head?

What did the old chimney say to the young chimney? " your to young to smoke."

Man, I love recycling 50 yr old jokes.

Garry

[surprise_i'm_armed]

Dateline: East Texas.
A DPS trooper pulls over a young local teenager for speeding.
Trooper: Son, do you have any ID?
Driver : 'Bout what trooper?
********************************************************************************
A LEO pulls over a man for DWI.
LEO: I've been following you for a quarter of a mile and it's obvious
that you have been drinking! Why are you driving?
Motorist: Officer, I'm too drunk to WALK!
********************************************************************************
A kangaroo goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender brings him a beer and says "That will be $15.00".
The kangaroo pays it and starts drinking the beer.
When things got slow, the bartender came back over to the kangaroo
and said "You know, we hardly ever get any kangaroos in here!"
The kangaroo replied "$15 a beer and you're surprised???"
**********************************************************************************
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "Hey, why the long face?"

(This joke also works with "Celine Dion/Sarah Jessica Parker" walk
into a bar.)
*************************************************************************************
Did you hear that the scientists have invented French poodles that talk?
The first one said "I HATE my hair like this!!!"
*************************************************************************************
Do you know the difference between a violin and a viola?
Violas burn longer.
************************************************************************************
Did you hear about the homeless man who put Odor Eaters in his shoes?
He took 3 steps and disappeared.
************************************************************************************
The US Navy has been assisting the Polish Navy in improving their
submarine fleet.
The first thing to be replaced was the screen doors.
***********************************************************************************
US Navy men say that if a Coast Guard ship sinks, the Coasties can
just swim to shore.
************************************************************************************
Two men from elsewhere in Texas are driving on US 84, east of Waco.
They enter the town of "Mexia" (properly pronounced Muh-hay-uh).
One man says "Hey, this town is called "Mex-ee-uh".
His friend says "No, this town is called "Muh-hay-uh".
They bicker about how to say the town's name and stop in that town
to eat.
When the waitress comes, the man who knew how to say the town's
name asked her if she was a local.
Why yes, I am.
Well, then, would you please tell my friend where we are?
She bent down to the man's face and slowly said "Dairy Queen".
*************************************************************************************
SIA

[BLG]

"by surprise_i'm_armed »

Did you hear about the insomniac agnostic dyslexic?
He stayed awake all night wondering if there was a Dog."


The worst part is: He thinks his cocker spaniel is some sort of god.

[cougartex]

An elderly man is stopped by the police at 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body”. .
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The old man replies, “My wife.”

[USA1]

An elderly man is stopped by the police at 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body”. .
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?”
The old man replies, “My wife.”

[BobCat]

"Mommy, Mommy, I'm tired of walking around in circles!"

"Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"

[RPB]

Duck walks into a hardware store asks "got any Whiskey for sale?
Store owner says "Whiskey? no, this is a hardware store, we don't sell Whiskey"
Next day
Duck walks into a hardware store asks "got any Whiskey for sale?
Store owner says "Whiskey? no, this is a hardware store, we don't sell Whiskey"
Next day
Duck walks into a hardware store asks "got any Whiskey for sale?
Store owner says "Whiskey? no, this is a hardware store, we don't sell Whiskey"

Next day
Duck walks into a hardware store asks "got any Whiskey for sale?
Store owner says " YOU ASK ME THAT ONE MORE TIME. I"LL NAIL THOSE WEBBED FEET OF YOURS TO THE FLOOR"

Next day
Zebra walks into a hardware store buys all the nails
Duck walks into a hardware store asks "got any nails?
Store owner says "Nope, just sold them all to the zebra"
Duck asks "got any Whiskey for sale?

[UpTheIrons]

"Mommy, Mommy, I'm tired of walking around in circles!"

"Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"

That one brings back memories!