Really bad jokes

[A-R]

Wow, those last two are some of best/worst I've read in a while. Congrats guys!

[WildBill]

There were three construction workers, a Scotsman, an Irishman and a Jew. Every day they went to work building skyscrapers. Every day at noon they would sit down on the high beams to eat lunch.

One day they were eating lunch and the Scotsman opens his brown bag and pulls out a tuna fish sandwich. He flies into a rage - "Tuna again! I hate tuna! If I ever get another tuna sandwich for lunch I will jump off this building!"

The Irishman opens his lunch and sees an egg salad sandwich. He also is very angry -"Egg salad again! I hate egg salad! If I ever get another egg salad sandwich for lunch I will jump off this building!"

The Jewish man opens his lunch a sees a salami sandwich. He yells to his coworkers -"Salami again! I hate salami! If I ever get another salami sandwich for lunch I will jump off this building!"

The next day the Scotsman pulls out his lunch and says, "Tuna again! That's it!" and jumps off the building.

The Irishman pulls out his lunch. He sees an egg salad sandwich and says, "Egg salad again! That's it!" and jumps off the building.

The Jewish man opens his lunch. He sees a salami sandwich and says, "Salami again! That's it!" and jumps off the building.

The next day the worker's wives were interviewed by the police. The Scottish and Irish women are heart broken. They both told the police the same story - "If he had just told me he didn't like it, I would have made him something different."

The Jewish wife shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't understand. He always made his own lunch."

[mikeintexas]

My Grandfather was Norwegian, so he always told Norwegian jokes:

The Norwegian fisherman came in with boatload of fish and was met by the game warden. The game warden asked how he caught so many fish. The Norwegian said "meet me at 5:00am tomorrow and I'll show you.

The game warden met the Norwegian at the boat ramp at 5:00am. They loaded up and headed out on the lake.

When the Norwegian got to his spot, he stopped the boat. The Norwegian calmly opened his tackle box, took out a stick of dynamite, lit it and threw it in the water; then began scooping up fish. The game warden's mouth fell open and said "Don't know how illegal that is!! You can't catch fish like that!!"

The Norwegian reached into his tackle box, took out a another stick of dynamite, lit it and handed it to the game warden and said "Are you gonna talk or are you gonna fish?"

[Warhammer]

These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

[Warhammer]

A king on a tropical island lived in a grand two-story house built of grass and other local vegetation. On the anniversary of his accession, his loyal subjects gave him a splendid new throne. The king, however, being the sentimental sort, couldn't bear to part with the throne he'd sat on for so many years. He had his servants stow it on the second floor. Not long after, as the king was sitting on his new, splendid throne, a violent storm arose, and the old throne came crashing down, killing the king. Thus proving that those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

[terryg]

Snow White used her new digital camera to take pictures of all the dwarfs.
When she ran out of memory, she took it to the store to get prints made.
A week later, she returned for the photos, but the clerk said they weren't ready yet.
She was so disappointed that she started to cry.
"Don't worry, Snow White," said the clerk, consoling her.
"Someday your prints will come!"

Ohh that's awful!!

[terryg]

A king on a tropical island lived in a grand two-story house built of grass and other local vegetation. On the anniversary of his accession, his loyal subjects gave him a splendid new throne. The king, however, being the sentimental sort, couldn't bear to part with the throne he'd sat on for so many years. He had his servants stow it on the second floor. Not long after, as the king was sitting on his new, splendid throne, a violent storm arose, and the old throne came crashing down, killing the king. Thus proving that those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

I love these - they are horrible!!

[terryg]

Once upon a time, their lived in a magical land a snake, named Nate. In this land, actually rather close to Nate's house there was a great road, and next to this road was a lever. The lever was ancient, and the mythology around the lever was that if you were to push it, it would trigger the end of the world.

One day, Nate was slithering down the road, and he came upon the lever, and began crossing the road so he could look at it. At the same moment, a truck came careening around a corner, and the driver found himself in a dilemma: either hit the snake or end the world. Needless to say, the driver ran over Nate and went on his merry way. The moral of the story is: Better Nate than Lever

[MegaWatt]

Have you seen Stevie Wonders' huge lavish new house in Beverly Hills?

Neither has he.

[Divided Attention]

..., thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

We need a groaner button for so many of these, but I will say they have kept the "spirit light" during the past week!

[Carry-a-Kimber]

Why don't anteaters get sick?





Because they're full of anty-bodies.

[Warhammer]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

[WildBill]

What is black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!

[Warhammer]

A tour group stopped at the Tower of London, and were given the chance to try out some of the ancient armour. Two men - one from Prague and another from Athens took up the opportunity. One donned a slightly damaged suit of plate armor and the other chain-mail, while the rest of the group crowded around. But in the full suits, the onlookers couldn't tell one from the other.
"Is that the Czech wearing the plate armour?" asked one tourist.
"No," replied another, "The Greek has the broken plate, and the Czech is in the mail."

[Smallestbodyman]

What is black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!

What's black and white and red all over?

A zebra covered in blood.