Guns at home with a young family

[allisji]

My wife has not been around guns very much in her life. Her dad had guns in their home, but never used them and she never really saw them. I took her shooting and tried to teach her basic gun safety and handling, but she was very uncomfortable and didn't develop any confidence with my handguns. She wouldn't even attempt to rack the slide for herself. I registered her to take a ladies only basic handgun course next month at PSC. I think that she will take to it a lot better if she is learning from someone other than me whom she sees as an authority on the subject. Also I think she'll be more comfortable around other ladies who are on a similar level to her as opposed to at the range where it's mostly men and some are shooting what sounds to her like army tanks.

We also have two young ones at home. My son is 3 and my daughter is 9 months old. My son has not yet reached the age where he listens and obeys. When I bought my first handgun last year my wife asked me not to have it out when and where our son could see it, because she's afraid that he will become too curious and will make it his mission to get ahold of it. Over Christmas break we visited my Dad is Kansas and he carried openly at home the whole time we were there. Since my Dad didn't handle his gun and left it holstered, my son didn't seem to notice or care. When I get home after work I always respect my wife's wishes and take off my holster and put it up. My son has seen me do it and has not seemed curious about it. All of my guns stay locked up either in the safe or in locked boxes at home. Though I'd like to be able to carry openly at home in situations where I'm not actively playing with my kids, and I'm hoping that after taking the handgun course my wife will be more comfortable with that.

My inclination is that I want my son to notice it and to ask about it so that I can begin to teach him and train him about guns and gun safety. I want him to know what guns are have a proper respect for them before he goes to school and gets "educated" by other kids. I especially want him to know that if some other kid brings one to school or if he finds one somewhere for any reason not to touch it and to get an adult immediately.

One day when he's old enough I'll get him an airsoft gun and teach him to shoot and train him up to shooting my .22s. But that's still a few years down the road.

[RPBrown]

I have to laugh, You said your son is 3 and not yet at the age where he listens and obeys. My son is 40 and still doesn't listen or obey LOL.

On the serious note though, I would keep the guns out of his reach at all times, even if your wife gets more familiar and comfortable around them. The reason is that even though he doesn't seem interested, he sees daddy with them and gets inquisitive as most young boys and girls do, and then there is the "I want to be like my Daddy" issue.

Now is the time to start training him for sure, but even at 9-10 years old and experienced shooters, I would keep them out of their reach. The older they get, the more different reasons they have to pull one out and could result in an accident, such as showing a friend. My kids all had either/or rifles or shotguns by the age of 6-7, but they did not have access to them unless I was there until they reached 12-13 and even then it was limited, such as they were going hunting with some friends.

[Middle Age Russ]

Your oldest is near the age that NRA's Eddie Eagle Gun Safe program targets. Check it out at https://eddieeagle.nra.org. Guns should not be a big mystery to kids -- remember Scooby Doo and his pals kept ending up in peril because they were drawn to mysteries -- but kids need to be instructed in how do act safely around them. The Eddie Eagle program addresses this well.

Food for thought -- if the gun is holstered on your person and you aren't messing with it, it won't likely draw a great lot of attention, and it certainly won't be used inappropriately (and perhaps tragically) by anyone. I am all for safely storing firearms, but sometimes ready in the holster is every bit as safe as any alternative with the added bonus of simply being ready to use if needed.

[Archery1]

As some have noted, keep them locked up. I was raised with a very healthy perspective of proper gun handling and knew the rules too, but as a kid, we lack the maturity to put good reasoning to use in some instances. IOW, kids WILL be curious anyway.

My second thought on this and open carry points me to the fact that we are in a new paradigm. There's another level to all this that did not exist before. I can remember visiting my wife's relatives in Mexico back in the 80s, and though they lived in a middle class neighborhood and could not carry a gun off their property, many carried a side arm going to the mail box and car. I remember thinking how sad, and I would not want my kids having to be raised seeing me armed. Well, look where we are at now. For this reason, if I carry at home and the grandkids are here, I lock guns up but have one in a safe close by. When they are not, I conceal.

I refuse to make the gun any center of focus and try to remove it's view but keep it handy but safe - on me concealed or in the close safe. That's just my bias, but I do think this aspect of guns in the home is for adults to reason and understand and way above what a kid needs to know about guns. We are in charge of their safety, not them. We ARE in charge of their safety in making sure they understand the other aspects of guns, though.

[VMI77]

My son has not yet reached the age where he listens and obeys.

My oldest is 30. They NEVER reach that age.

[Archery1]

My son has not yet reached the age where he listens and obeys.

My oldest is 30. They NEVER reach that age.

You know, my son just turned 30, and every time we shoot, he still gets a good safety talk from dad. I just can't help it.

[VMI77]

There was no CHL when mine were little so carry wasn't really an issue. The first thing I did, before they were old enough to actually shoot, was show them some guns and let them see what run guns felt like and how heavy they are, explaining how someone could be hurt very badly by one. Then I told them that if they ever came across anything like that at a friends house or anywhere else to immediately get an adult.

I kept all guns locked away even after they started shooting...until they were in their teens and had demonstrated safe gun handling and maturity. Our kids were homeschooled and mature for their age, as were their friends, and they weren't exposed to the corrupting influences of public school or television (a few favorite shows were recorded during the week and watched together as a family on Friday night....otherwise there was no TV on during the week).

About age 11 or 12 they got their own guns...though they were still kept in the gun safe. I did keep a gun handy at times but when I did it was trigger locked and the only key was on a chain around my neck.

[AJSully421]

I have three. 4, 2.5, and 10 months.

I went to Lowes / HD and bought one of those keypad locking door handles and installed them on our bedroom door and my gun room door ($100 each) Won't stop a bad guy, but then you can leave a loaded pistol in the nightstand drawer and an AR under the bed without having any worries. Then just don't let the kids in the room unattended. You also don't have to worry about fumbling for a combo or anything at 2am either.

It has worked for me for several years now. Plus, the door locks are about the same price as a pistol safe, and it also keeps them out of your bedroom to spill drinks on my work laptop / iPad, get into mom's makeup, and all sorts of other kid issues.

[Richbirdhunter]

I have a Hornady safe on the end table. You can open it with a combo, bracelet or key fob. I've had it for a few years and my now 9 year old son has never gotten into it.

[VMI77]

I have three. 4, 2.5, and 10 months.

I went to Lowes / HD and bought one of those keypad locking door handles and installed them on our bedroom door and my gun room door ($100 each) Won't stop a bad guy, but then you can leave a loaded pistol in the nightstand drawer and an AR under the bed without having any worries. Then just don't let the kids in the room unattended. You also don't have to worry about fumbling for a combo or anything at 2am either.

It has worked for me for several years now. Plus, the door locks are about the same price as a pistol safe, and it also keeps them out of your bedroom to spill drinks on my work laptop / iPad, get into mom's makeup, and all sorts of other kid issues.

Your wife must be very tolerant. There is no way mine would accept having to use a keypad to get into her bedroom. She'd just tell me to put my guns in the safe. Well, she might if I insisted, but it wouldn't be worth the grief.

[goose]

My boys have been exposed to firearms all of their life.
1) They always saw my wife ask me to prove that any firearm I was messing with was unloaded.
2) They always saw me show her, and them, that it was unloaded. She didn't ask me to tell her it was okay, she asked me to prove it. They learned this as well.
3) They saw the impact and "boom" of firearms early on. I impressed upon them that the damage cannot be undone. (This is important in my opinion because hollywood firearms aren't that loud and often just make cute little holes. I lost a classmate in fourth grade because two boys didn't comprehend the magnitude of a gun shot.)
4) While my boys saw me petting and caressing my firearms often, they never saw me horsing around with them. It got to where they wanted to pet and caress the guns. Who wouldn't, they are awesome, right? "Dad, show me your 'xyz' is unloaded, I wanna hold it." As long as it was unloaded, we had proven to each other it was unloaded, and they practiced "the rules" they could hold and examine and disassemble mine all they wanted. They learned that guns weren't mystical or taboo. They learned that _WE_ have to be safe, not the firearm. While I explicitly told them the safe rules, they also saw them in my actions, and practiced them in their own.
5) We talked a lot. Firearms weren't something hidden away except for "shooting days." We talked about mine. We talked about the ones on TV. We talked about the ones used in this war or that one. We talked about which ones should be next on our list to acquire. All of the safety stuff got thrown in along the way. Did we have "lecture" times? Sure, short ones. But 90% of their learning was by watching me practice what I preached, just gabbing about firearms like buddies gabbing about football, and them practicing what I had preached. Very little was actually preaching.

Then you get to that point where your boys know more statistics about some firearms because they go online and study them!!! I can talk circles around them about my glocks or 1911s or ARs. They can talk circles around me about the Arisaka, or the Nagant, or the M1 Carbine, or just about anything used in WW1 or 2.

[locke_n_load]

Carry at home, on your person... Then on the nightstand when you go to bed, and back on your person in the morning. No way for your son to get to it without taking it off of you, and you are ready for anyone that might try to get into your house that was not invited.

[allisji]

I have three. 4, 2.5, and 10 months.

I went to Lowes / HD and bought one of those keypad locking door handles and installed them on our bedroom door and my gun room door ($100 each) Won't stop a bad guy, but then you can leave a loaded pistol in the nightstand drawer and an AR under the bed without having any worries. Then just don't let the kids in the room unattended. You also don't have to worry about fumbling for a combo or anything at 2am either.

It has worked for me for several years now. Plus, the door locks are about the same price as a pistol safe, and it also keeps them out of your bedroom to spill drinks on my work laptop / iPad, get into mom's makeup, and all sorts of other kid issues.

Your wife must be very tolerant. There is no way mine would accept having to use a keypad to get into her bedroom. She'd just tell me to put my guns in the safe. Well, she might if I insisted, but it wouldn't be worth the grief.

She's the boss in my house!

[allisji]

My boys have been exposed to firearms all of their life.
1) They always saw my wife ask me to prove that any firearm I was messing with was unloaded.
2) They always saw me show her, and them, that it was unloaded. She didn't ask me to tell her it was okay, she asked me to prove it. They learned this as well.
3) They saw the impact and "boom" of firearms early on. I impressed upon them that the damage cannot be undone. (This is important in my opinion because hollywood firearms aren't that loud and often just make cute little holes. I lost a classmate in fourth grade because two boys didn't comprehend the magnitude of a gun shot.)
4) While my boys saw me petting and caressing my firearms often, they never saw me horsing around with them. It got to where they wanted to pet and caress the guns. Who wouldn't, they are awesome, right? "Dad, show me your 'xyz' is unloaded, I wanna hold it." As long as it was unloaded, we had proven to each other it was unloaded, and they practiced "the rules" they could hold and examine and disassemble mine all they wanted. They learned that guns weren't mystical or taboo. They learned that _WE_ have to be safe, not the firearm. While I explicitly told them the safe rules, they also saw them in my actions, and practiced them in their own.
5) We talked a lot. Firearms weren't something hidden away except for "shooting days." We talked about mine. We talked about the ones on TV. We talked about the ones used in this war or that one. We talked about which ones should be next on our list to acquire. All of the safety stuff got thrown in along the way. Did we have "lecture" times? Sure, short ones. But 90% of their learning was by watching me practice what I preached, just gabbing about firearms like buddies gabbing about football, and them practicing what I had preached. Very little was actually preaching.

Then you get to that point where your boys know more statistics about some firearms because they go online and study them!!! I can talk circles around them about my glocks or 1911s or ARs. They can talk circles around me about the Arisaka, or the Nagant, or the M1 Carbine, or just about anything used in WW1 or 2.

This is the approach that I hope to use with my kids.

[allisji]

I have to laugh, You said your son is 3 and not yet at the age where he listens and obeys. My son is 40 and still doesn't listen or obey LOL.

On the serious note though, I would keep the guns out of his reach at all times, even if your wife gets more familiar and comfortable around them. The reason is that even though he doesn't seem interested, he sees daddy with them and gets inquisitive as most young boys and girls do, and then there is the "I want to be like my Daddy" issue.

Now is the time to start training him for sure, but even at 9-10 years old and experienced shooters, I would keep them out of their reach. The older they get, the more different reasons they have to pull one out and could result in an accident, such as showing a friend. My kids all had either/or rifles or shotguns by the age of 6-7, but they did not have access to them unless I was there until they reached 12-13 and even then it was limited, such as they were going hunting with some friends.

My kids won't be able to access any of my/their guns until they are adults and have proven themselves responsible and ready. My bought me a .22 rifle for my 18th birthday. I know that he would have liked to have done it earlier in my life, but the circumstances weren't right. However, when he did buy it for me he knew that he could trust me with it.