Need help/opinions

[74novaman]

I'm attending Texas A&M. Our student run newspapers front page story today was about the "self defense class" offered in the Kinesiology department. I'm writing in a "Mail call", which is limited to 200 words, applauding their interest in self defense and providing reasons to support concealed carry on campus. I know its an off year legislature wise, but if I can convince just one more person to support concealed campuses, its worth it to me. Please proof read and any critiques of what I write before I submit it to the paper. I'm at 199 words right now, so unless you recommend a section to get rid of I can't add anything else.

Today's article about the benefits of self defense was excellent. However, it neglected the best defense from muggings, rapes, and mass murders such as the Virginia Tech tragedy: Allowing Concealed Handgun License holders to legally carry on campus. To obtain a CHL, you must be 21 with no criminal record or history of mental illness, undergo a background check by the state, submit fingerprints to the FBI, and attend an 8 hour class teaching conflict resolution, laws concerning concealed carry, and pass a shooting proficiency test. Statistics show the small portion of Texans willing to undergo the process required for a CHL are far less likely to commit a crime of any sort then the average citizen, while criminals will break any law necessary to achieve their goals. The current law prohibiting weapons on campus do not stop criminals, only those who obey the law. Allowing concealed carry on campus is not a "free pass" for anyone to bring a gun to class. It simply allows faculty, staff, and students who already legally carry almost everywhere else to protect themselves in institutions of higher learning as well. A person should not be forced to forfeit their right to protection to obtain an education.

Thanks in advance for any help/corrections.

[seamusTX]

The class is 10 hours minimum.

... and attend an 8 hour class teaching conflict resolution and laws concerning self defense and concealed carry, and pass a shooting proficiency test

A person should not be forced to forfeit their right to protection to obtain an education.

The pronoun and its antecedent do not agree in number here. People frequently speak this way; but being in college, you probably should use standard grammar.

You could make the statement more politically correct by phrasing it, "A woman should not be forced to forfeit her right to protection to obtain an education."

You might was to throw in a couple of paragraph breaks. Newspaper editors hate long paragraphs, and readers tend to gloss over them.

- Jim

[74novaman]

The class is 10 hours minimum.

... and attend an 8 hour class teaching conflict resolution and laws concerning self defense and concealed carry, and pass a shooting proficiency test

A person should not be forced to forfeit their right to protection to obtain an education.

The pronoun and its antecedent do not agree in number here. People frequently speak this way; but being in college, you probably should use standard grammar.

You could make the statement more politically correct by phrasing it, "A woman should not be forced to forfeit her right to protection to obtain an education."

You might was to throw in a couple of paragraph breaks. Newspaper editors hate long paragraphs, and readers tend to gloss over them.

- Jim

Thanks! I'll correct the number to 10 instead of 8. I was writing my rough draft of this between classes and didn't look up anything, just tried to go from memory regarding class info, etc.

Grammar is certainly my weak point. I write like I talk, which gets me in trouble regarding college papers, especially my history papers which expect me to speak as if from on high. Guess I'm just a bit too colloquial sometimes.

I'm a little confused as to making it more politically correct by changing from person to woman. Does it flow as well, since I didn't mention women specifically in the rest of the letter to just randomly bring women up in the last sentence?

Thanks again, Jim. I appreciate the comments.

[74novaman]

Edited with some of Jim's suggestions:

Today's article about the benefits of self defense was excellent. However, it neglected the best defense from muggings, rapes, and mass murders such as the Virginia Tech tragedy: Allowing Concealed Handgun License holders to legally carry on campus. To obtain a CHL, you must be 21 with no criminal record or history of mental illness, undergo a background check by the state, submit fingerprints to the FBI, and attend a 10 hour class teaching conflict resolution, laws concerning concealed carry, and pass a shooting proficiency test.

Statistics show the small portion of Texans willing to undergo the process required for a CHL are far less likely to commit a crime of any sort than the average citizen, while criminals will break any law necessary to achieve their goals. The current laws prohibiting weapons on campus do not stop criminals, only those who obey the law.

Allowing concealed carry on campus is not a "free pass" for anyone to bring a gun to class. It simply allows faculty, staff, and students who already legally carry almost everywhere else to protect themselves on campus as well. Women should not be forced to forfeit their right to protection to obtain an education. After all, a gun is a better deterrent then a 4" keychain to a large male rapist.

[seamusTX]

The "woman" idea was just something that popped into my head.

Most people who think about concealed carry at all think of it as a male issue. Many of them outright think it is a redneck issue. They simply don't think that women have CHLs or an interest in firearms.

- Jim

[74novaman]

The "woman" idea was just something that popped into my head.

Most people who think about concealed carry at all think of it as a male issue. Many of them outright think it is a redneck issue. They simply don't think that women have CHLs or an interest in firearms.

- Jim

Good call. That's enough to convince me! Personally I think women have far more stake in this then I do. I'm 6', over 200 pounds. I'm far more worried about my 5' 1" girlfriend. She's at least taking Krav Maga self defense classes with me, but we're still working on the whole "A gun is a lot better then your fists when you're facing a 6' 4" potential rapist." part.

[frazzled]

Excellent point. Use the female perspective throughout.

[couzin]

Not everyone wants to carry a handgun (or a knife for that matter) - recognizing that your 200 words cannot be turned into an essay - maybe mentioning a defensive open hands training for those that choose not to carry??

[74novaman]

Added this to the end:

Women should not be forced to forfeit their right to protection to obtain an education. After all, a gun is a better deterrent then a 4" keychain to a large male rapist.

The keychain references the original article about the self defense class. At the end of class, they were all given 'non lethal key chains' to use on pressure points and the like.

Edit: Couzin: The self defense article I'm posting already addressed that issue. I just thought it would be a good opening to talk about allowing us to carry legally on campus.

[TxRVer]

Today's article about the benefits of self defense was excellent. However, it neglected the best defense from muggings, rapes, and mass murders such as the Virginia Tech tragedy: Allowing Concealed Handgun License holders to legally carry on campus. To obtain a CHL, you must be 21 with no criminal record or history of mental illness, undergo a background check by the state, submit fingerprints to the FBI, and attend an 8 hour class teaching conflict resolution, laws concerning concealed carry, and pass a shooting proficiency test. Statistics show the small portion of Texans willing to undergo the process required for a CHL are far less likely to commit a crime of any sort than the average citizen, while criminals will break any law necessary to achieve their goals. The current law prohibiting weapons on campus do not stop criminals, only those who obey the law. Allowing concealed carry on campus is not a "free pass" for anyone to bring a gun to class. It simply allows faculty, staff, and students who already legally carry almost everywhere else to protect themselves in institutions of higher learning as well. A person should not be forced to forfeit their right to protection to obtain an education.

Great letter. I just added one spelling correction in red.

[ntexaschl]

The current law...do not stop criminals,...

"Law" is singular, and, it must agree with the correct tense of the verb "do". This can be corrected by either of the following:
1. Change "law" to "laws" OR
2. Change "do" to "does".

[74novaman]

The current law...do not stop criminals,...

. "Law" is singular, and, it must agree with the correct tense of the verb "do". This can be corrected by either of the following:
1. Change "law" to "laws" OR
2. Change "do" to "does".

Thanks again! Good thing I asked for y'all to read it before I submitted...I overlooked a lot of silly errors.

I really appreciate it, guys.

[Drewthetexan]

Today's article about the benefits of self defense was excellent. However, it neglected the best defense from muggings, rapes, and mass murders such as the Virginia Tech tragedy: Allowing Concealed Handgun License holders to legally carry on campus. To obtain a CHL, you must be 21 with no criminal record or history of mental illness, undergo a background check by the state, submit fingerprints to the FBI, and attend a 10 hour class teaching conflict resolution, laws concerning concealed carry, and pass a shooting proficiency test.

Statistics show the small portion of Texans willing to undergo the process required for a CHL are far less likely to commit a crime of any sort than the average citizen, while criminals will break any law necessary to achieve their goals. The current law prohibiting weapons on campus do(es) not stop criminals, only those who obey the law.

Allowing concealed carry on campus is not a "free pass" for anyone to bring a gun to class. It simply allows faculty, staff, and students who already legally carry almost everywhere else to protect themselves on campus as well. Women should not be forced to forfeit their right to protection to obtain an education. After all, a gun is a better deterrent then a 4" keychain to a large male rapist.

I'm not an english major, but I'd change do to does if the word law remains singular. Also, "Allowing Concealed Handgun License holders...", was there a reason you capitalized the first letters? I'd probably do lowercase on all (followed by (CHL) if you were trying to define CHL). Not usually nitpicky, but since you asked.

Otherwise, right on!

[74novaman]

changed law to laws. My intent was to define CHL for the rest of the article, thus the capitalization. Thanks!

[dewayneward]

Krav ROCKS!!!! my oldest and I are currently taking karate through http://www.christiansoldierskarateonline.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; which was started by J Pat Burleson. One of the guys Bart Brooks, who studied under him (I believe) started the christiansoldierskarate program and then later started doing Krav where I have gotten more of a taste of it (he would share some stuff in the karate class). I am waiting until my oldest is old enough to take it with me (you have to be 16).

I highly recommend http://krav-magatexas.com/main/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; in the Saganaw area!!!!

Good job on on the letter. We need more people that use their talents to advance pro gun understanding.