Help Addressing In-Law Concerns

[Cipher]

Got a bit of a problem on my hands, nothing too serious, just very aggravating.

My wife and I both have our CHLs. My wife was never around firearms before meeting me, and was very uncomfortable around them for the longest time. I was raised by police officers and joined the Army at the ripe old age of 17, needless to say, I'm very comfortable around firearms and took my time introducing my wife to them. She now has her own handgun and carries almost as often as I do, she also visits the range with me most times and can strip and clean her own weapon.

Now, on to the problem. I am always armed unless I am legally required to disarm. Her family is very uncomfortable with this, and I'm always having to justify myself to them. Now, logic would dictate that I not tell them that I'm armed, but recently there have been two incidents in which I "had" to disclose my status, both involved being thrown into water against my will. I did not want to get my weapon wet, so I told them. I then had to listen to my mother-in-law and grandmother-in-law grip about how I didn't need to have that "thing" strapped to my hip all the time.

This last weekend my wife, our kids and her family went and stayed at Schlitterbahn, I brought a lock box for my weapon and locked it up once we arrived. Of course the lock box was on the nightstand and word quickly spread that I had brought my "gun" along with me. At this time I had 5 people telling me nothing would happen and that I shouldn't have brought the gun with me and that the world is a safer place than I seem to think it is.

I told them I was protecting my family and was prepared to lay down my life for them if the time ever came. I also told them that in the very least assuming safety while traveling is very naive. I informed them that I took the safety of my family serious and that I have an extensive background in firearm training. I also informed them that I was quiet puzzled that they weren't happy that I took my duty to protect my loved ones, after all, I am married to their daughter, granddaughter, sister, niece and cousin.

I was told by my grandmother-in-law that I was "barbaric"....

I guess I don't understand how safety can be so quickly assumed in the world we live in. I can totally understand being uncomfortable around firearms, but I don't get why I have to be chastised. My wife keeps telling me that they just don't understand and she has told her family that the one time I am not armed may be the one time I need to be armed and that she feels lucky and proud to have married a man that takes his responsibilities to his family seriously.

What else can I do? I don't go around announcing that I'm armed, but at the same time I don't feel like I should have to lie to family if I'm asked.

[Dougmyers5]

Print out some of the everyday news events that required the use of a hand gun or some kind of weapon and ask them to read them.
Plenty of references on this forum to show a need to be armed!

Tell Granny the world is barbaric but it ain't your fault.

[yobdab]

Well to me that falls under the "you can't make everyone happy" category. Keep doing what you're doing and sooner or later they will get tired of bugging you about it.
Or you could speed the whole process up by just telling them that's the way it's going to be and you're sorry if it disturbs them but you would be more disturbed in not having it and you are not going to change your mind.

[KBCraig]

I feel for you, brother. I don't have much advice to offer, but I will point out that when it comes to being thrown into water, your gun doesn't have to be your only excuse. Many of us carry expensive electronics devices everywhere we go, and a $400 cell phone or $600 PDA + water = instant death. ( Death for the expensive electronics, that is.) Not to mention wallet, receipts, personal notes, shoes, belt, clothing, any variety of things that could be ruined by a dunk, and we're rapidly approaching property values that constitute a felony.

My family and friends don't have to know that I'm carrying a gun to know that trying to toss me into the pool would result in someone getting a face-plant on the concrete. I'm an easy-going, fun-loving guy, but I don't horseplay. And because some people caught up in the spirit of fun can be clue-resistant, I wouldn't hesitate to penetrate their clue-shields by being loud, harsh, profane, and threatening.

Do what you have to do to get their attention and make them stop. Apologies and misunderstandings can be worked out later.

Kevin

[nitrogen]

I have a similar problem, but with my own parents.

My father is a gun agnostic. His views are basically, "I'm OK with guns, but choose not to own them.
My mother is another problem. She's virulently anti-gun, as is her sisters. (One of them told me specifically that the 2nd amendment doesn't mean peopel can have guns, for instance)

When I visit my parents, I am usually disarmed at their house, but if we go anywhere, I'm armed. I keep my gun hidden and locked up in my luggage while i'm not armed.

My own parents don't know that i'm a "gun person", because well, I'm pretty sure they woudn't approve. (I know my mother wouldn't.)

I think my father has "made" me at least once, because he randomly brought up the fact that one of my uncles likes to shoot guns, something he never spoke about before.

[seamusTX]

... recently there have been two incidents in which I "had" to disclose my status, both involved being thrown into water against my will.

Hmm. They think assaulting people is fun. I can understand why they're uncomfortable with you being armed.

When I got engaged, 30 years ago, it was immediately clear that my in-laws would be running my life if I let them. I didn't allow that. We have never been close, but they respect me.

- Jim

[anygunanywhere]

... recently there have been two incidents in which I "had" to disclose my status, both involved being thrown into water against my will.

Hmm. They think assaulting people is fun. I can understand why they're uncomfortable with you being armed.

When I got engaged, 30 years ago, it was immediately clear that my in-laws would be running my life if I let them. I didn't allow that. We have never been close, but they respect me.

- Jim

Do not sacrifice your standards for them. Stand up for what you believe. Let them raise themselves up to your level.

Although we certainly hope nothing ever happens to them, possibly one day something will. It may not sway them because they may be indoctrinated to be victims for life.

Good luck and stick to your guns, pun intended.

Anygun

[seamusTX]

I cannot for the life of me get it passed 2 people on the forums that guns do not mean violence.

Some people are so emotionally invested in weapons bans that it has become a religion for them. They are as incapable of changing their minds as any religious fanatic.

In unmoderated forums, they also become quite nasty, thus revealing that they are not really opposed to violence.

- Jim

[Keith B]

I have a reverse situation. My in-laws are OK with me getting my CHL, but my wife is not too keen on the idea. While she is going along with it, she says she doesn't understand why I need to carry, even though when we met (28 years ago) I was a fully commissioned LEO on a reserve unit. We will get through the issue, but it will take some finesse, proper handling, time and maybe a few trips to the range to ease her mind.

I guess I don't understand her concern; she was raised in a house with guns as her Dad, brother, brother-in-law and nephews hunt and shoot. Her Dad has always had a pretty decent armory of both long and hand guns. She even used to go with me to the range when I would practice for qualifying and she would shoot also. She was actually pretty good! I have always had guns in the house and kept a loaded handgun in a quick access vault. Guess the years where I was not carrying in public and not actively shooting have clouded over the realism of today's world and the new dangers. I didn't even feel a need to carry for a lot of those years, but that has changed recently with the times.

As for the in-laws, they travel in an RV frequently and have had a couple of instances where they wished they had a gun while out walking or stopped at a rest area. I even think my Father-In-Law is looking into getting his CHL. Maybe if I can get the rest of the family packing she won't have as big a problem with it!!

[Big Calhoun]

Stick to your guns...no pun intended.

I have various blood relatives and inlaws that are uncomfortable with me being armed or with the fact there are guns in the house. I used a two-pronged approach in that A.) I conduct myself rationally and have communicated what I believe is the purpose of firearms and under which conditions I would use them. B.) I have communicated clearly that the protection of MY family is MY responsibility and I will take whatever steps are needed to ensure their safety. I even told the mother-in-law during a heated debate that if she wants to move in and stand guard around my wife and child, then that's fine, I'll get rid of the guns. Until that time, I will take whatever steps are neccessary to ensure their safety.

For the most part, it's become largely a 'don't ask, don't tell' policy. Certain relatives and inlaws don't ask me if I'm carrying and I don't offer the information either.

[Wildscar]

I was told by my grandmother-in-law that I was "barbaric"....

I would have told her that I would rather be barbaric than archaic.

[seamusTX]

My in-laws are OK with me getting my CHL, but my wife is not too keen on the idea. While she is going along with it, she says she doesn't understand why I need to carry, ...
I guess I don't understand her concern; ...

I think the reason is that having a weapon available is a reminder that bad things can happen.

I don't know if you're old enough to remember when seat belts were first introduced in cars (early 1960s). A lot of people said, "they make me nervous," because the seat belts were a reminder that they could be in a crash. People shoved the seat belts down in the seats and forgot about them.

Same psychology.

- Jim

[Keith B]

<snip> I even told the mother-in-law during a heated debate that if she wants to move in and stand guard around my wife and child, then that's fine, I'll get rid of the guns. .

That would be all the reason MORE for me to have a gun in the house; to protect ME from my Mother-In-Law!! (Just kidding!)

[Keith B]

My in-laws are OK with me getting my CHL, but my wife is not too keen on the idea. While she is going along with it, she says she doesn't understand why I need to carry, ...
I guess I don't understand her concern; ...

I think the reason is that having a weapon available is a reminder that bad things can happen.

I don't know if you're old enough to remember when seat belts were first introduced in cars (early 1960s). A lot of people said, "they make me nervous," because the seat belts were a reminder that they could be in a crash. People shoved the seat belts down in the seats and forgot about them.

Same psychology.

- Jim

Yes, I am old enough to remember (barely though, as I was born in 1960).

You may have a point. She is very good at the 'Those things won't happen to me' mentality. I guess that is good in a sense that you don't worry yourself into a frenzy, but I think you need to mix that with a dose of reality and use the old Boy Scout motto of 'Be Prepared'.