How do I make my wife comfortable?

[pcgizzmo]

So, my wife has made mention with the shooting in Arizona some derogatory comments about hand guns. She has been with me shooting and enjoys it when we go but I think she is uncomfortable with the idea of me carrying a hand gun and having a CHL. I will say that her brother when he was 19 had an accident with a hand gun and shot his best friend in the head and killed him. There was alcohol involved and it was a stupid accident. They thought it was unloaded but as we all know you always assume its loaded. She obviously still remembers that and I'm sure that weighs on her thoughts more than anything.

Members here seem to have a good handle on statistics and good solid evidence to the fact handguns are better in the hands of law abiding citizens and your safer with one etc.. What can I say to my wife to help her be more comfortable with the idea of me carrying a weapon and have her understand she is safer with that than without?


Thanks.....

[RPB]

cars kill more people
cars are dangerous
cars are more dangerous if used irresponsibly or maliciously (woman trying to run her cheating husband over etc)

hammers and knives kill less people than cars
hammers and knives are dangerous
hammers and knives are more dangerous if used irresponsibly or maliciously

Fire extinguishers can be dangerous if hit with one (used irresponsibly or maliciously )
Fire extinguishers are seldom used
People hope they never need a Fire extinguisher
It's better to have one if and/or when one is needed, than not have one

guns kill less people than cars too
guns are dangerous
guns are more dangerous if used irresponsibly or maliciously
People hope they never need a gun
It's better to have one if and/or when one is needed, than not have one

all have valid uses as tools, handguns, fire extinguishers, cars. hammers, knives are inert, inanimate objects incapable of possessing a "good" or bad" or "evil" characteristic.... they can be or are dangerous, moreso if used wrong, none are evil, sometimes any of the above could be used for an evil purpose by an evil person, it's not the tool's fault, and when properly used by a good responsible person, jobs are best performed if you have the right tool for the job,

[RPB]

idea of you carrying:

two types of people exist:

some play possum

(Colin at Virgina tech, and some deceased at V T)

( Doctor in Arizona)

others rise to the occasion to provide resistance attempting to an attacker
(Dr Suzanna Hupp's dad, unarmed and deceased)
(ONLY one guy at Virgina tech, unarmed and deceased)

Would she rather have you unarmed and deceased? or ready to protect yourself and family?

Have her watch the series "What would you do" you can also see it online .. it "notices" not many willing to help, commends those who do.

[RPB]

in Arizona some derogatory comments about hand guns.

Point out to her that the guy who held down the shooter was armed, with a hand gun .... handguns, cars. hammers, knives, fire extinguishers are inert, inanimate objects incapable of possessing a "good" or bad" characteristic.

[RPB]

If you were impressed with your instructor ... you might have her take the CHL class if she hasn't ... it doesn't mean she has to carry any more than being a licensed driver requires you to buy a car ... but it's an educational class so she might understand you better, if that's something she might like to do .... I know I'll never understand wimmin, but they like to try to figure us out and get close and ............ talk..
So, you'll have more y'all can .......... talk ...... about.

Anyway, that's a few of my ideas, worth what you paid for them ... I'm single so ......... you might want other's advice too

[74novaman]

Statistics simply don't help with loved ones at times. Maybe have her read Cornered Cat. My spouse doesn't like shooting, grew up in a house with zero guns, but at least understands why I carry and why I own guns.

Honestly, it may take her being in a situation where she wishes she had one. Wish that wasn't the case, but sometimes nothing else will do.

Last night we had a situation where our dog went nuts in the side yard (this is literally the first time in 2 years I've heard this dog bark at anything like that). After checking out the yards, i pulled out the AK and propped it by my nightstand before bed just in case it was someone snooping around. Not only did she not object, she said "I'm glad you're able to protect us".

Now if only she would decide she wants to carry I'd be a happy man...I can't be with her 24/7!

[Purplehood]

How do I make my wife comfortable?

A cushy pillow helps.

[Oldgringo]

Cornered Cat is a treatise on guns and gun safety written by a woman for women. Good luck.

[MasterOfNone]

Statistics are not going to do it. Go for an emotional appeal. There are countless videos online (many linked from the forum) of incidents and victims' reactions, such as the recent LA Tan and Walmart parking lot incidents. A healthy dose of reality goes a long way.
I actually did a walk-thru with my wife - "You're in bed and hear something in the living room. Now as I come into the bedroom, what are you going to do?" When every scenario ends in dead wife (or worse), it opens some eyes.

[jamisjockey]

Go for her emotions.
If you can't see eye to eye on your right to defend yourself and her from harm, make sure you have a decent Divorce Atty on retainer.

[mreavis]

I'm not married and I haven't had to do this yet. However, if you want my advise.

I wouldn't try to prove her wrong or change her point of view. In whatever words work best for you. Tell her simply that you respect her opinions and you will continue to do anything possible to help calm the issue for her. However, you feel responsible for her and your own safety. Because you love her and you want to continue to be in this world and spend time with her, you feel you must be prepared to provide this safety.

She doesn't need to be convinced that everything is perfect. Just that some things need to be done to prepare and secure things in life. And because the world is the way it is today, and not perfect. You could/would only blame yourself if something happened and you didn't do what you could to be prepared.

-- Thats how I plan to go about it when the time comes. I know it doesn't use math to say hey look its not a big deal. But I think it gets my real point across.

[pcgizzmo]

Thanks guys. Some good responses. I will take them to heart.

[RoyGBiv]

I'm not married and I haven't had to do this yet. However, if you want my advise.

I wouldn't try to prove her wrong or change her point of view. In whatever words work best for you. Tell her simply that you respect her opinions and you will continue to do anything possible to help calm the issue for her. However, you feel responsible for her and your own safety. Because you love her and you want to continue to be in this world and spend time with her, you feel you must be prepared to provide this safety.

She doesn't need to be convinced that everything is perfect. Just that some things need to be done to prepare and secure things in life. And because the world is the way it is today, and not perfect. You could/would only blame yourself if something happened and you didn't do what you could to be prepared.

-- Thats how I plan to go about it when the time comes. I know it doesn't use math to say hey look its not a big deal. But I think it gets my real point across.

The only thing I'd add to this is... You don't really say "why" she's "uncomfortable".. You give us a lot of reasons why you think her discomfort is justified, but, have you asked her directly? Maybe your assumptions are wrong?

Maybe she's worried about the kids and agreeing/implementing a "kid safety plan" would alleviate the problem...
Maybe she's worried about having to explain to her family (who certainly suffered as part of her brothers tragic experience) why she "allows" guns in the house "after what happened to" her brother.? [This one would be my bet]
Maybe she's worried about her friends finding out her husband is a "gun nut".?
Your reasoning could be on-point, or, totally wrong... Until you have an open discussion about it, and figure out if there's really anything that can be done to mitigate her concerns, you're just guessing.

[insert joke here about how men are from Mars and women are from Venus ]

Just my $0.02

[gdanaher]

Everyone is concerned about safety and should be. This is a fundamental human need. Remind her that many things have a risk--ground transportation/cars, trucks and buses, air travel, and just being outside--the random meteorite after all. But we want to minimize the risks, so good drivers have fewer accidents than poor drivers. Experienced pilots have a better chance of surviving a critical situation (Hudson River), and proper handling of a hand gun tends to insure adequate safety. All things have a tradeoff, and having a gun might minimize or prevent an assault. My wife is uncomfortable about weapons in the home as well, but she understands that they are there to protect her and the rest of the family. When in experienced hands, they are not a risk any more than driving around the block is a risk.

[Reserve161]

She may never be comfortable, given the history of her brother's accident...

Be patient and don't push.