Help Addressing In-Law Concerns

[Cipher]

Thanks guys, I needed some of that.

Now, to be fair to the in-laws, it was my wife threatening me with a quick dump in the water - she ignored the slight glances down at my hip as an indicator to me being armed so I had to be a little more verbal. We have had a talk about that and I think that issue is solved. The other incident my MIL was drunk and trying to talk me into jumping into the hot tub with my clothes on and wouldn't drop it, so I told her why I wasn't getting in.

As for the in-laws I guess that'll take more time than I would like, but time is what I have a lot of anyway.

[stroo]

Seems to me you are doing a pretty good job of dealing with your in-laws. I would keep it up. It is also great that your wife supports you. If she didn't, then you would have a big problem. As is, while this is annoying, just keep telling them that you love your wife and family, including them so much that you are willing to do whatever is necessary to protect them, including carrying a gun even though they don't approve.

Stick to it!!

[Scott Murray]

I was told by my grandmother-in-law that I was "barbaric"....

The next time she says that, you could tell her that the world has always been full of barbarians. Civilization only survives where civilized people have the courage and resolve to defend it.

Scott

[KD5NRH]

Many of us carry expensive electronics devices everywhere we go, and a $400 cell phone or $600 PDA + water = instant death. ( Death for the expensive electronics, that is.) Not to mention wallet, receipts, personal notes, shoes, belt, clothing, any variety of things that could be ruined by a dunk, and we're rapidly approaching property values that constitute a felony.

Yep, I used to settle for yelling at kids (and their parents, when I found them) that thought it was funny to set up super-soaker or water balloon ambushes along sidewalks, but anybody that soaks my $300 Coronado vest (which I am rarely without) is going to be dealing with the police, and quite possibly my attorney.

That's not even counting the $200 cell phone, (mostly irrelevant since I have the protection plan on it, but it will likely take a day or two to get the replacement out here in the boonies, and notes, address book entries, etc may be lost) the $300-plus handgun, (I usually carry stainless or Gun-Koted guns in the vest, but sometimes I take the blued classic GM1911 for a spin) books, (dual concealment pockets leaves room for a paperback-novel-sized book in the left-hand-draw pocket, and I enjoy reading rare/expensive books) other electronics, (geek with a ham license, there's usually something beepy or blinky running around) or any of the various paperwork I often carry. I wouldn't be surprised if the cost of repairing or replacing all of it from water damage cleared $1500 on a heavily laden day.

[Mako 25]

I was told by my grandmother-in-law that I was "barbaric"....

If it were me, I would say "Call me Conan"! Actually, I wouldn't say much at all. I am getting to the point in life that I don't care what others think of me. As in your case, and in mine too, we both know that we are correct in thinking of safety. The less I talk about my carry gun in front of a mixed crowd, the better.

[Venus Pax]

Cipher, I can sympathize with you.

I have relatives that think it is a bad idea to carry.
I have a (step) sister in particular that doesn't even want a gun in her house. I sent her the links to several news stories on crime in the Dallas area. She replied that they don't live in Dallas or go to it and that their suburb is nice, and those types of things don't happen there.

Some people choose not to see the danger around them; it's uncomfortable to think that there is cruelty in the world. They're hoping that if they don't think about it, it might just miss them.

I don't think there's anything you can do to change their minds. I think you know that, but you probably hate how they talk to you. I'm sure it grates on you.

I hope the posts here are encouraging you, and I'm glad your wife is supportive as well.

[srothstein]

Well, I have not had this problem, so I cannot tell how they would react but..

Tell them you carefully looked at all sides of the issue, saw that the police were armed even thought hey almost always show up after the crime has passed, and decided that if they saw the world as that dangerous, they might just know something you don't. Remind them that cops carry all the time, even when off duty, so they cannot use the argument that he goes looking for trouble when you don't. Then ask them if they really know the dangers more than the local police do.

The problem you might get is that police chiefs on TV are always advising people to go along and to not resist. We all know better, but it is obvious your in-laws do not.

I was thinking you already had proven since it stopped one illegal attack that they saw (throwing you in the water without your consent), but they might not like the implications in it.

[shootthesheet]

Print out some of the everyday news events that required the use of a hand gun or some kind of weapon and ask them to read them.
Plenty of references on this forum to show a need to be armed!

Tell Granny the world is barbaric but it ain't your fault.

I agree. Make a folder and add to it every time you find a story from your area or the areas you visit. Present it as evidence that bad things do happen to good people. Is their position based in religion or just ignorant refusal to except the facts of life? I personally consider it barbaric not to want to protect the innocent and especially not to provide for your family. Ultimately, they will except your position and that you carry. Otherwise, they would do more about it. So, even though you will be hassled, you won.

When I first got my CHL I had an Aunt that was the same way. Comments and even going to the point of not talking to me. That same Aunt took her CHL class last Saturday. I won her over because I gave her facts and didn't justify her disgust by getting upset. I just went on with my life and treated her the same. I talked to her when I could and she finally got "it". Don't give up. Patience often wins victories when fact and logic fail.

[Cipher]

Thanks for the support!

I was talking to a good friend of mine at lunch today who carries (and happens to be my sensei) and he just looked at me and told me to ask them if they have insurance and why. I immediately understood where he was going, and it comes pretty darned close to having a weapon on board - they both are there just in case something happens, even though we hope nothing does in both cases.

I think I'll start throwing that out there from now on :)

[ELB]

Cipher - Sounds like you got the advice you need, but here's some more preaching from the choir...

- I doubt there is anything you can say to change your in-laws minds; I don't believe such opposition is rationally based, so I don't think you can rationally argue them out of it.

- I do think that regardless of their opinions, you deserve to be treated with respect. To me that means you don't need to be berated everytime (or every other time, or every third time) you meet up with them. They've made their positions clear, I believe you have made your position clear, and neither is likely to change. T'were it me, I would do some heavy consultation with the wife, and then make it clear, emphatically clear, to the in-laws that you are not going to tolerate being badgered, and if they can't let up, cut off further contact until they can behave. Pretty big threat, not one to bluff with, and maybe that is not possible in your situation. As I said, it is something I would do, don't know if you would. On the other hand, I do not see why you should play the nice guy and be on the defensive when your in-laws are spouting non-sense. They are not on the moral high ground here.

- I think Seamus came pretty close to the underlying problem -- "the reason is that having a weapon available is a reminder that bad things can happen." You may wish to reflect on Dave Grossman's parable about sheep, sheepdogs, and wolves. http://hobbes.ncsa.uiuc.edu/onsheepwolv ... pdogs.html You are a sheepdog, and you are making the sheep nervous because they don't want to believe there are wolves in the woods.

- Secondarily -- As a practical matter, it wouldn't have hurt your gun to get wet, as long as you cleaned it with in a reasonable period of time. HOWEVER, I like pranks as much as the next guy, but when someone says NO, I DON'T WANT TO (for example) BE THROWN IN THE WATER, proceeding with the action stops being a prank and becomes an assault. You don't need to articulate a reason they agree with, you simply should be able to say NO and end it. I hope at least your wife understands this now!

Good luck!

elb

[rodnocker1]

Alot of good ideas have been given and I also agree.

I was in more or less the same situation but with my wife. It's not that she was anti-gun, but she was indifferent. She didn't care if I had a weapon or was armed but she felt no need for her to have one because, as with most people, she felt it could/would never happen to her (and thank God it hasn't/won't).

Then she started paying better attention to the news and saw the things going on around us. The Virginia Tech incident, carjackings, home invasions, etc. It's amazing what can happen when the blinders come off and people realize that it can happen to them and our LEO's can't be there every second to protect them.

My wife now has her CHL, has 4 (so far) handguns of her own, and goes to the range with me to practice almost every time I go. She actually shoots more than I do (anywhere from 100-150 rnds a trip) and I spend alot of time reloading her mags and setting targets but that's okay! I'm just glad that she is taking responsibility for her own defense for the times that I can't be there.

As far as my In-Laws go, I know they know I carry but they have never stated an opinion one way or the other. My Sister asked me once why I carry around the house and yard. I told her that there are alot of bad people out there and most would have no problem with coming in to take whatever they wanted.

[flintknapper]

I was thinking you already had proven since it stopped one illegal attack that they saw (throwing you in the water without your consent), but they might not like the implications in it.

[bryanr01]

Wow. My first thought was, "These people are committing assault; of course they're upset at the idea of someone being armed."

[HankB]

. . . I do think that regardless of their opinions, you deserve to be treated with respect. To me that means you don't need to be berated everytime (or every other time, or every third time) you meet up with them. They've made their positions clear, I believe you have made your position clear, and neither is likely to change. T'were it me, I would do some heavy consultation with the wife, and then make it clear, emphatically clear, to the in-laws that you are not going to tolerate being badgered, and if they can't let up, cut off further contact until they can behave . . .

This is pretty sage advice, and mirrors how my parents handled my paternal grandparents, my grandmother in particular.

I won't get into too much detail, but she thought she ought to be clan matriarch, and everyone had to do as she said. And if they DIDN'T, all the regular visits became non-stop badgering. Finally my folks had enough, and told her if she didn't cease and desist, they were going to leave.

This brought on another bout of criticism . . . so they cut the visit short and left. Immediately.

Happened a couple of times before Gramma caught on, but it got to the point where not seeing her was less unpleasant than enduring her constant carping.

Think about it.