Dealing with an overly friendly man

[texasgirl]

Thank you everyone for your input I know I can't just ignore this because something is telling me I should be concerned. TexasCajun that book is actually what prompted me to take this more seriously. Not that I was ignoring it but just that maybe I need to take additional steps. I just started the book a few day ago(not done yet) but it just reinforced that I need to take my concern seriously. I need to discuss this in more length with my husband. The day I saw the creepy guy at the convenience store and mentioned to my husband I only told him "Hey see that guy over there he knows dad and whenever he sees me he is always overly friendly he creeps me out." I didn't go into all the detail about it that I did with my mom and my sister and I really should have. I know I need to get a name for him but I was concerned that by asking he might see that as interest on my part.

Mom didn't know much about him just a last name and said he looked familiar. My dad is working out of town so I haven't had the opportunity to speak with him about it. I already did a check on the sex offender registry I didn't have a name but searched by our zip code (our town only has one) and I looked through all the photos and did not find him.

Charles thank you for the prayers that is much appreciated. I have had some training in self defense but that was mostly for situations where I am unarmed which I have been when I've run in to him. I can't carry at work so aside from awareness and my pocket knife while out for running lunch errands that is all I have. When I run I carry a small knife and sometimes my NAA 22mag.

[sweetmelissa]

"I'm terribly sorry. I know we've run into each other several times recently, and you know my parents, but, I don't know your name."

And... Always listen to your gut.

^^^^^^^^^This^^^^^^^^^^

Get a name. If it is an unusual name and not common, a criminal history would be easy to dig up.

Also, check the sex offender database for your zip code area. You never know what might turn up.

I was attacked in the small Texas town where I lived - in broad daylight, on the Main Street, there were people around. Your safety is FAR more important that being polite.

[TexasCajun]

Thank you everyone for your input I know I can't just ignore this because something is telling me I should be concerned. TexasCajun that book is actually what prompted me to take this more seriously. Not that I was ignoring it but just that maybe I need to take additional steps. I just started the book a few day ago(not done yet) but it just reinforced that I need to take my concern seriously. I need to discuss this in more length with my husband. The day I saw the creepy guy at the convenience store and mentioned to my husband I only told him "Hey see that guy over there he knows dad and whenever he sees me he is always overly friendly he creeps me out." I didn't go into all the detail about it that I did with my mom and my sister and I really should have. I know I need to get a name for him but I was concerned that by asking he might see that as interest on my part.

Mom didn't know much about him just a last name and said he looked familiar. My dad is working out of town so I haven't had the opportunity to speak with him about it. I already did a check on the sex offender registry I didn't have a name but searched by our zip code (our town only has one) and I looked through all the photos and did not find him.

Charles thank you for the prayers that is much appreciated. I have had some training in self defense but that was mostly for situations where I am unarmed which I have been when I've run in to him. I can't carry at work so aside from awareness and my pocket knife while out for running lunch errands that is all I have. When I run I carry a small knife and sometimes my NAA 22mag.

You may want to skip ahead to chapter 8. It addresses overly persistent people.

[texasgirl]

Thanks everyone for the input I think I have finally decide what to say. When I wrote the original post I had not seen the man in about 3 weeks but what I read in the book The Gift of Fear prompted me to think ahead a bit on how to handle it in the future. The input I got here also helped but I still couldn't figure out how to say it and "Leave me alone" for some reason just didn't feel right to me.

Thursday afternoon I was out running some errands for my mom. As I was walking in to Walmart I saw the man he was also walking in. I just nodded a hello and kept walking. I realize I probably should not have done that but it is a habit and almost an automatic action I will have to break. Anyway I headed to the pharmacy at the far end of the store to pick up a prescription. The line was long so I had to wait a while and then wait after to get instructions from the pharmacist so I was there a while. When done there I had a few other things to pick up, since I knew he was in the store I was on the look out for him. Sure enough as I leave the pharmacy and head toward one of the more main aisles there he is. I see a lady who I know that works there doing inventory on one of the side aisles so I decided to turn in there just to see what he would do. I guess I look like something is on my mind because she asks if everything is okay. I quickly explain and she ask if I feel I'm in danger I tell her no that mainly I wanted to see if he would follow me and was trying to avoid him. She takes a look out the end of the aisle and says yep he is there. A minute later he is at the end of the aisle and sees us talking and turns and walks off. She tell me "Okay that is weird I didn't think he was like that." She actually knew his name so was at least able to get that information. She takes a look to see where he is and I head the other direction to do the rest of my shopping. I don't see him again in the store until I check out he is in another line checking out. I head to my truck and head to do the next thing on my list for my mom a quick stop at the grocery store for two items. I head in grab my two items and get in the the express check out line which like the others is pretty busy. I run in to a friend of a friend and inquire to the health of our mutual friend that I haven't seen in a while. Since she in behind me in line as we are chatting I'm mainly facing back toward the store and I see the man just lingering around at the back of the line nothing in his hand just standing around. I continue with conversation with the awareness that he is also in the store. I when I start the payment process I lose track of him as he is no longer lingering at the end of the line. As I go to leave I'm on the lookout. Our store has two set of doors an outside set that opens to the area with baskets and has a few kids game machines and the motorized carts for people with disabilities then the second set that enters the actual store area. As I leave the store area I see him standing by one of kids games no bag in hand so no purchases made. That changes my mood I'm no long creeped out I am now irritated. I was almost tempted to just yell "Get away from me!!" but just kept moving and went to my truck I took a long out to the way route to make sure he wasn't following me to my parents home. After venting to my mom and getting some self defense advice from my brother that does martial arts I went home and thought on just what to say. I think I've come up with this "I don't know nor do I care why you find it necessary to follow around me around every time you see me but it stops NOW!"

I also gave my husband a more in depth explanation as to the guys behavior and showed him the photo I managed to get and gave him and my parents the name I now know to be correct. I have not seen him again since the grocery store on Thursday but now that I know what to say I feel better for some reason. I don't know where things will go from there hopefully he will be one to drop it if from that point forward I continue to not engage him.

[SA_Steve]

I sure miss the old days when dads and brothers and friends solved these problems for their female loved ones. Often with just a friendly word or two to the actor. With a willingness to have another more persuasive conversation if needed.

[baldeagle]

First let me say that I think you are doing everything right at this point. Your awareness is excellent, and you are thinking through next steps. When you said you lost track of him, the hair stood up on the back of my neck. That's often what happens right before an attack. I think you are right to be concerned about this guy, and I strongly suggest that you go to your local police department and discuss this with an officer. They may well know things about this guy that you are not aware of. His behavior is not normal. IMHO that means his intentions are not either. Be alert. Stay on the lookout, and be prepared for a confrontation, because I'm pretty certain it is coming. You don't get these alert signals every time he's around for no reason. Your sixth sense (or God, if you will) is telling you to be on the lookout.

[texasgirl]

SA_Steve I know my husband, dad, or brother would gladly step in. My husband was ready to after I went in to more detail about the guy but I don't know that is needed yet as I have not out right told the guy to leave me alone. Once I do that if he continues a next step will be taken. Plus in our messed up world they might get in to more trouble than the guy because well things are just backwards now it seems.

[Mike S]

Thanks everyone for the input I think I have finally decide what to say. When I wrote the original post I had not seen the man in about 3 weeks but what I read in the book The Gift of Fear prompted me to think ahead a bit on how to handle it in the future. The input I got here also helped but I still couldn't figure out how to say it and "Leave me alone" for some reason just didn't feel right to me.

Thursday afternoon I was out running some errands for my mom. As I was walking in to Walmart I saw the man he was also walking in. I just nodded a hello and kept walking. I realize I probably should not have done that but it is a habit and almost an automatic action I will have to break. Anyway I headed to the pharmacy at the far end of the store to pick up a prescription. The line was long so I had to wait a while and then wait after to get instructions from the pharmacist so I was there a while. When done there I had a few other things to pick up, since I knew he was in the store I was on the look out for him. Sure enough as I leave the pharmacy and head toward one of the more main aisles there he is. I see a lady who I know that works there doing inventory on one of the side aisles so I decided to turn in there just to see what he would do. I guess I look like something is on my mind because she asks if everything is okay. I quickly explain and she ask if I feel I'm in danger I tell her no that mainly I wanted to see if he would follow me and was trying to avoid him. She takes a look out the end of the aisle and says yep he is there. A minute later he is at the end of the aisle and sees us talking and turns and walks off. She tell me "Okay that is weird I didn't think he was like that." She actually knew his name so was at least able to get that information. She takes a look to see where he is and I head the other direction to do the rest of my shopping. I don't see him again in the store until I check out he is in another line checking out. I head to my truck and head to do the next thing on my list for my mom a quick stop at the grocery store for two items. I head in grab my two items and get in the the express check out line which like the others is pretty busy. I run in to a friend of a friend and inquire to the health of our mutual friend that I haven't seen in a while. Since she in behind me in line as we are chatting I'm mainly facing back toward the store and I see the man just lingering around at the back of the line nothing in his hand just standing around. I continue with conversation with the awareness that he is also in the store. I when I start the payment process I lose track of him as he is no longer lingering at the end of the line. As I go to leave I'm on the lookout. Our store has two set of doors an outside set that opens to the area with baskets and has a few kids game machines and the motorized carts for people with disabilities then the second set that enters the actual store area. As I leave the store area I see him standing by one of kids games no bag in hand so no purchases made. That changes my mood I'm no long creeped out I am now irritated. I was almost tempted to just yell "Get the #&*@* away from me" but just kept moving and went to my truck I took a long out to the way route to make sure he wasn't following me to my parents home. After venting to my mom and getting some self defense advice from my brother that does martial arts I went home and thought on just what to say. I think I've come up with this "I don't know nor do I care why you find it necessary to follow around me around every time you see me but it stops NOW!"

I also gave my husband a more in depth explanation as to the guys behavior and showed him the photo I managed to get and gave him and my parents the name I now know to be correct. I have not seen him again since the grocery store on Thursday but now that I know what to say I feel better for some reason. I don't know where things will go from there hopefully he will be one to drop it if from that point forward I continue to not engage him.

I sincerely believe, based on the last encounter that you described, that armed with his name/photo/description you should now notify the police. His behavior has gone from akward encounters in one store to following to a second location.

Also, keep your sense of empowerment; let it fuel your actions as you know 'its not you being rude', rather 'its his actions' that are consistent with a potential targeting cycle.

Praying for you & your family, and a peaceful resolution.

[RoyGBiv]

Next time you find him following you, call 911 immediately, then hang around and pretend to be shopping until LE arrives.
You might want to go to the PD that's local to the places you normally encounter him and ask to speak to an officer to explain the situation.
If you live in a small town, I would be astounded if LE was anything less than happy to help you.
Prepare what to say to 911 in advance, based on your conversation with the local PD.

"This is______, I spoke with officer ________ about being followed by a man and he is following me currently. I am located at _________ and plan to remain inside until the police arrive.".... Or something like that.

Identify the man to LE. Make certain you take a clear photograph of him.
In the presence of LE inform the man that his following you is unwelcome and must stop immediately.
At minimum, you will have a police record on file that can be the basis for a restraining order.

As I'm certain you already know, restraining orders do not stop attacks, so continued diligence is required.

The fact that he followed you to another store and hung around watching you is a HUGE red flag.
You have absolutely NO obligation to remain polite.

[CHLLady]

You are fighting your instincts. You are being nice and denying your alarms in order to rationalize this into some kind of normal explanation. Your friend asked you if you were in danger and you said no! She could see it in your eyes and demeanor. You really need to stop the denial and trust yourself! I know where you are coming from, so don't take it personally. I'm too nice myself and long fight these bad habits! Please document date & times every incident, keep receipts to show you were at the particular store, write a full description of the event and any witnesses. Although he may not have committed a crime, it seems as if he is using predator tactics with you. Trust yourself!

You do NOT have to be nice to him, even if he knows your parents! It's OK to put your B face on and show him you're no easy target. Don't ignore him when you catch him looking at you or getting out of line to follow you. Grab your friend and tell her you feel as if you're being followed and turn so both of you can stare at him! Pull out your cell and take a picture of him in his face. Put HIM on notice! It's time to make him uncomfortable. Let him see you looking at the mace on your keychain, make it obvious it's in your hand as you leave the store. You may even have to confront him, but only do so inside the store with witnesses! Tell him straight up to leave you alone. Train yourself to not be too friendly. Ask a bagger or store clerk to walk you to your car! I've never heard of a large store denying a customer.

Please read this book I highly recommended in this thread: viewtopic.php?f=58&t=71662

Keep us updated! Stay safe and keep your mace and CH ready. You got this!

[Javier730]

You are fighting your instincts. You are being nice and denying your alarms in order to rationalize this into some kind of normal explanation. Your friend asked you if you were in danger and you said no! She could see it in your eyes and demeanor. You really need to stop the denial and trust yourself! I know where you are coming from, so don't take it personally. I'm too nice myself and long fight these bad habits! Please document date & times every incident, keep receipts to show you were at the particular store, write a full description of the event and any witnesses. Although he may not have committed a crime, it seems as if he is using predator tactics with you. Trust yourself!

You do NOT have to be nice to him, even if he knows your parents! It's OK to put your B face on and show him you're no easy target. Don't ignore him when you catch him looking at you or getting out of line to follow you. Grab your friend and tell her you feel as if you're being followed and turn so both of you can stare at him! Pull out your cell and take a picture of him in his face. Put HIM on notice! It's time to make him uncomfortable. Let him see you looking at the mace on your keychain, make it obvious it's in your hand as you leave the store. You may even have to confront him, but only do so inside the store with witnesses! Tell him straight up to leave you alone. Train yourself to not be too friendly. Ask a bagger or store clerk to walk you to your car! I've never heard of a large store denying a customer.

Please read this book I highly recommended in this thread: viewtopic.php?f=58&t=71662

Keep us updated! Stay safe and keep your mace and CH ready. You got this!

Well said. Great advice.

[Jim Beaux]

Without question this guy's behavior is not normal. The question is, just how far out there is he?

I would first try a non confrontational approach. Some fixated guys react badly when "rejected" & become vengeful & vindictive. Next time he crosses your path make a light but edgy comment along the lines of, "wow, we seem to be running into each other all over town. You wouldnt be stalking me would you? What would my husband think?" Then continue on your way.

If this fails get the police involved. Explain the situation & arrange for them to show up next time. They can question him under the pretext that there have been concerns about a suspicious man & if he knows or has seen anything that could help them.

This removes you from being the "antagonist". Keep in mind that some of these guys are delusional & they react as if they are the wronged party & the victim is a cruel and heartless person.

Good luck

[JALLEN]

Neither texasgirl nor sweetmelissa have been active here since early October.

Just sayin'.

[Excaliber]

This guy isn't overly friendly - he's overly fixated and that type of behavior tends to progress downhill.

It's definitely time to get the police involved and to keep your guard up at all times.

If you make things difficult enough for him, he probably won't stop the behavior but he'll find another target. That solves your problem, at least for a while.

[texasgirl]

Hi every one. Sorry I have not updated this. My mom was sick so that has kept me busy then Thanksgiving got here and the holiday rush began. I just wanted to update you and thank you for all your input. Since the last incident I've seen this man two times. Once in the grocery store,just as some one suggested I put it used my "B face" looked right at him, didn't say hi or otherwise engage him and kept on moving. He didn't follow me around or attempt to come say hello. About a week later I was turning in to the post office and he was pulling out. He waved and was obviously trying to get my attention. I just looked at him but didn't wave and went about my business. He didn't pull back in (which I half expected) so I'm hoping just not engaging him has shown I'm just not interested in speaking with him and he has moved on. I haven't see him since and that has been a few weeks.