Visiting friends' homes

[joe817]

Hammer, excellent post! Thanks for sharing your beliefs. I cannot find one point where I can disagree with you. I share those beliefs, needless to say.

And by the way, welcome to the forum. It's good to have you with us, and look forward to your future posts.

[seamusTX]

Respect works two ways.

The gentleman in the original post, who is cohabiting with the poster's adult daughter, is essentially telling the poster that he does not trust the man.

Is anyone's home somehow immune from home invasion robbery? (The White House, maybe. Somebody managed to set fire to the Texas governor's mansion, and the state police have no clue.)

All the laws that prohibit license concealed carry from various places are about not trusting people to act responsibly.

- Jim

[Hammer]

Jim, thanks for the reply. I do agree that things to happen and our differing experiences and life histories guide us in our philosphies of how we approach life.

I come from a marriage/family where the in-laws did not support the marriage. The rift tore us all apart. It took YEARS for the ENTIRE family to recover: Christmas, 4th of July, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day...etc....and men don't want to give away their daughters anyway which is already enough stress. The grandfather (the patriarch) of the family told me..."don't take it personally...she is the only daughter and oldest child...they have never dealt with this before..it would not have mattered who you were...don't do anything you will regret"

Good words. Hard words. For 17 years I have had to swallow my pride and for the sake of my wife and kids and the other family members make the relationship work. What is the name of this forum..."The High Road"...well we have to take it.
...all I can say to BOTH parties is this...Don't let carrying a weapon (on principle) destroy a relationship OR WORSE YET create so much uncomfortable tension for any family activity.

Don't force it DAD....she will choose him EVERYTIME. It sucks...but you know it is true. They forced my wife to choose....and she chose. And the wedding, which should have been a great and beautiful occasion sucked and she remembers it to this day. Please, don't go there. It is not worth it. There are so many things in life that challenge relationships...please don't let a matter of principle (on something like this) be one of them.

Jim, the chances of someone invading a home when you are all together is nil. The chances of you screwing up a relationship for something that will never happen but being hard-headed is HIGH !!


O.k. so enough of my baggage. It hurts when people don't trust and respect us. But let's take the 'higher ground.'

Because....we really don't need the respect and trust of others...

If...we respect (and trust) ourselves. I will NOT let an important relationship die because they don't respect them...well..big deal...I respect myself and I don't need it from them.

It is nice to have...and those are usually the people I spend my time with...my friends...but you can't demand it. Does it affect the closeness of a relationship...sure...but you don't have to end it.

I don't require respect to be two ways...I respect myself...and that is good enough for me.

Thoughts?

Not trying to get into a pissing match...promise.

~ H

[Kevinf2349]

Just tell the future SIL that he had better be carrying when he comes to your house or he doesn't get in!

It is a difficult situation for sure, maybe just leave the gun in the vehicle when you visit until you have a chance to convince him that you are not some gun-toting crazy and actually have a valid reason for carrying.

I wonder how he intends to protect you while you visit.

I also think I would have a word with my daughter about his seeming lack of respect for you and her. He sounds totally selfish to me but that is just me on the outside looking in.

Good luck

[seamusTX]

I'm just going to add one thing: We all can compromise up to a point, and we all have to stop at some point.

How's that for the vague generality of the day?

I have never asked anyone entering my home if they were armed, and they have never asked me.

- Jim

[Hammer]

Hey Jim, I appreciate where you are coming from. I really do. I hope I have communicated that...if not I apologize. Sometimes forums sound like arguments...I hope I am not coming across that way. I see this more like a us at a table with beers. You are making me think (re-think) and I like that. Part of the reason why I joined. My posts are usually long because I like to get (constructive) feedback on what I am thinking...ya know...

I don't have it all figured out and I have only been carrying for a year...so I am def. open to guidance.

~ Hhttp://www.texasshooting.com/TexasCHL_Forum/po ... 53&t=28422#" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

[seamusTX]

Thanks for understanding.

I also understand these family conflicts. My family was strict Catholic and thought marrying a non-Catholic was social death.

Funny, when one of my cousins married an Italian woman, some of her family thought marrying a non-Italian was social death. They wouldn't talk to her for years.

Tempers cooled in the end. The younger generation even tolerates mixed-race grandkids.

- Jim

[randomoutburst]

The younger generation even tolerates mixed-race grandkids.

I just married a great guy who is 1/2 Filipino and 1/2 caucasian...and both my parents and grandparents about lost it. He's so whitewashed it's ridiculous (how often do you see a large asian wearing cowboy boots, a duster, and packing heat?), but they're only concerned with his eyes and skin. And oh, what will the grandchildren look like??
Some of the family is coming around, but it sure is taking a lot of work. I can't say how much it's affected relationships since all this happened at the same time as my parent's divorce which strained everything enough as it is. I can say, however, that family connections are extremely important and when they are severed it can be extremely painful. I suggest having your daughter speak to her fiance about it because I don't know how much a father-in-law can influence a hard-headed young man...but a woman has a certain sway over her significant other. If he refuses to budge, I wish you the best in persuading him otherwise but would personally begrudgingly honor his wishes if you hope to see your daughter more often than Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Directed at Hammer, I understand the idea of honoring the law and wishes of others in regards to carrying because as a CHL holder, we have a higher level of responsibility to be upstanding citizens...but as an old friend once said, "I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by six." I cannot imagine a situation as of now where I would carry even if it's posted as illegal, but I know that if my gut told me I should keep my firearm on me, and I had no other option but to proceed, I wouldn't leave my gun behind.

[No Bama Man]

As far as the future SIL and mine's relationship the damage has been done. I will not accept and be ok with his lack of respect for me and willing to trust/tolerate my judgements. I mean I'm really not a confrontational person and havent been in a fist fight since junior high some 35 years ago, never been in jail although I've been pretty close a time or two. Speaking of tolerating that is just what I am doing with him, just tolerating.

As for hammer's statements, using his rationale of not needing to carry at his home or someone else's home because the "odds" are less at those places for a violent cofrontation with someone and needing a ccw there for self-defense, well most everyone could reason that they dont need a ccw anywhere because however old they are, most people have never been in a situation where they had a need to use deadly force to defend themselves. I'm over 50 and have never needed any level of force (since junior high) to defend myself or anyone else for that matter but have made the decision that I refuse to be a helpless victim to a scumbag BG or deranged individual. My view is that the odds of this situation ever presenting itself to me are quite slim but since I dont know when or where it might happen, if ever, I will carry 24/7. Also reinforcing this view is the fact that the safest and most readily available place to store this gun is in my holster on my belt.

Simply put -
1) is it possible for hammer to never need his ccw outside of his home or a friends home?


2) is it possible for hammer to need his ccw inside his home and not have enough time to unlock his safe lock box?

3) is it possible for hammer to need his ccw at a friends home?

I think the answer to all 3 questions is yes

Isnt this why we cc everywhere, because it is possible - everywhere.

Dean

[nils]

I chose to carry everywhere that is legal...if my friend tells me to not carry in his/her house, I will follow the law and not carry. Outside of that, it'll be strapped to my hip, where it's at home

[Drewthetexan]

As far as the future SIL and mine's relationship the damage has been done. I will not accept and be ok with his lack of respect for me and willing to trust/tolerate my judgements. I mean I'm really not a confrontational person and havent been in a fist fight since junior high some 35 years ago, never been in jail although I've been pretty close a time or two. Speaking of tolerating that is just what I am doing with him, just tolerating.

All due respect, is there is an underlying issue between the two of you that goes beyond this? What I mean is, have you two butted heads on other things, or, aside from asking you to not carry in his/their home, has he done anything you feel is disrespectful?

Right or wrong, it takes guts to stand up to a woman's father if it means standing up for what you believe in - I've been there and it's no fun.

I've also been in the situation where my girlfriend and my mother hated each other and it ate me up. I don't have kids myself, so I can't say I really understand how you feel; but concerning your daughter, I'd caution you to take care that you don't drive this wedge any further, even if you have to swallow your pride a bit because your daughter is the one who will end up getting hurt.

God forbid, but she's far more likely to be a victim of some accident at any given time when you aren't around than to be victimized by some criminal while you are visiting, and if it were me, I'd play those odds if it meant keeping a good relationship. You can work on your SIL later.

Thought I'd offer a different perspective on things. Best of luck.

[No Bama Man]

As far as the future SIL and mine's relationship the damage has been done. I will not accept and be ok with his lack of respect for me and willing to trust/tolerate my judgements. I mean I'm really not a confrontational person and havent been in a fist fight since junior high some 35 years ago, never been in jail although I've been pretty close a time or two. Speaking of tolerating that is just what I am doing with him, just tolerating.

All due respect, is there is an underlying issue between the two of you that goes beyond this? What I mean is, have you two butted heads on other things, or, aside from asking you to not carry in his/their home, has he done anything you feel is disrespectful?

Right or wrong, it takes guts to stand up to a woman's father if it means standing up for what you believe in - I've been there and it's no fun.

I've also been in the situation where my girlfriend and my mother hated each other and it ate me up. I don't have kids myself, so I can't say I really understand how you feel; but concerning your daughter, I'd caution you to take care that you don't drive this wedge any further, even if you have to swallow your pride a bit because your daughter is the one who will end up getting hurt.

God forbid, but she's far more likely to be a victim of some accident at any given time when you aren't around than to be victimized by some criminal while you are visiting, and if it were me, I'd play those odds if it meant keeping a good relationship. You can work on your SIL later.

Thought I'd offer a different perspective on things. Best of luck.

drewthetexan
You are right and thank you for your input. I'm trying to keep the relationship between my daughter's fiance and me as good as possible. We just don't have anything in common except my daughter but she is the most important thing in this situation. So I'm trying. And things will be ok as long as he is good to her because I will do whatever is necessary, for her.

Thanks again,
Dean

[wacc]

I carry EVERYWHERE I go unless 30.06. I have a small handgun safe bolted to the floor of my truck if I need to leave it in the car. I do try to avoid an 30.06 business if at all possible.