Introduction of firearms to less than "ideal" children

[Liberty]

The reason he only shot the teacher with a BB gun is because something more powerful just wasn't available to him. T

To be fair unless you actually know the child, we really don't know that this is true.

I must confess that I have shot people with an air gun, I was never tempted to do so with a more powerful gun.

Then you too, sir, had issues..

I suppose I did, One of the times it was because my drill sergeant insisted that we all do it. As I wrote before, sometimes we don't have all the information.

[03Lightningrocks]

Taking a BB gun to school and blasting the teacher is not some harmless child acting out. It is a very disturbed youngster with some serious issues. That process took thought and planning. It is not the same thing as one youngster acting in the spur of the moment and shooting a fellow youngster with a BB gun.

Good luck to you and your children. I would keep all firearms locked away for several years. Heck...I would probably start storing the sharp knives in the safe too. If you do take on this challenge, maybe get some video monitors for around the house so you can see the first signs of this young tyke abusing the other children. Before he really hurts one of them. if you have any pets, keep an eye on them too. Animal abuse is possible also.

[CrimsonSoul]

Taking a BB gun to school and blasting the teacher is not some harmless child acting out. It is a very disturbed youngster with some serious issues. That process took thought and planning. It is not the same thing as one youngster acting in the spur of the moment and shooting a fellow youngster with a BB gun.

Good luck to you and your children. I would keep all firearms locked away for several years. Heck...I would probably start storing the sharp knives in the safe too. If you do take on this challenge, maybe get some video monitors for around the house so you can see the first signs of this young tyke abusing the other children. Before he really hurts one of them. if you have any pets, keep an eye on them too. Animal abuse is possible also.

I've thought about him abusing the other kids but haven't thought about him abusing the animals, thanks for bringing that up btw. and I never thought of video monitors if we do get custody, thanks again.

[CompVest]

You have my prayers. I think it speaks well of you that you are willing to give a good home and a chance to this child. I hope this turns out well for him, you and your family.

[joe817]

You have my prayers. I think it speaks well of you that you are willing to give a good home and a chance to this child. I hope this turns out well for him, you and your family.

And me as well. God bless.

[srothstein]

Well, I really think you can make a difference int his young man's life. Children of divorces can have problems caused by the divorce, by the parent they live with, by the situation that caused the divorce, or other reasons. Getting him into a two parent home with two caring parents can be significant in and of itself.

I noticed quite a few people (including the original poster) have mentioned the discipline necessary in raising the child. Discipline is very necessary but I found that a reward component is just as necessary. I have found, through my experience raising seven kids, that raising a child has to be based on a reward and punishment system. You must punish them when they did wrong (the means of punishment depends on what they do and your personal system) but you must also reward them when they do right. In the specific case, you might let the child know that you will take him shooting and teach him the skills as a reward when he shows good behavior. This might be the incentive he needs, combined with the rest of the changes, to become the person we would all lik ehim to be.

I have found, also, that showing your love for the child is critical. This is most critical when you have finished disciplining him. it helps him to set the discipline in his mind as solely related to his behavior and not related to your feelings about him. It will make the discipline more effective to do this. One of my biggest regrets is that I learned this the hard way with my oldest and it took us a long time with him as an adult to get over some of the problems.

I noticed several people referred to how they were raised. I did this also. I took the best of how my parents treated me, made sure not to do the things I thought they did wrong, and then tried to learn from the new mistakes I made. this is probably good advice for you also. Take the good, forget the bad, and learn from your mistakes.

Since you already have some kids, you probably already know most of what I said, but I thought it should be included in the thread.

[bryang]

Crimson, I admire your desire to be a part of this child's life. What ever you do...do it in LOVE and be quick to forgive. He needs to know he is loved and a part of a loving family. He needs a mans influence in his life, by that I mean a real man that loves his wife and children, he provides for their needs and he takes part in the family activities. He teaches by example and he will learn from the way you handle trials and afflictions in your own life.

James Dobson has a very good book out about disciplining difficult children and if you haven't read it you might would want to check it out here The New Strong-Willed Child.

Remember in ALL things...do it IN LOVE.

God Bless You and Your Family
-geo

[CrimsonSoul]

Nothing is in concrete as of yet, he's still locked up until at least August. If he gets out in August his grandparents are bringing him down for a visit and my wife is goign to try and talk them into giving her custody since they are getting up there in Age... dang old folks!

[txfireguy2003]

My brother is currently dealing with a similar situation with his stepson. It's a long story, but the boy was living with his father, then father's parents, but is now back with the mother and my brother. He's about 5 YOA right now and is showing disturbing signs such as crushing small animals to death. For THAT child, no amount of spankings has seemed to work. No amount of talking as seemed to work. The boy is so hyperactive that you can't talk to him because he simply ignores you and goes on playing until you yank him up and force him to stop and listen. What first peaked my attention to the boy's problems was when the family dog, normally a very skiddish, docile, loving dog that has never even growled at anybody else, began acting aggressively and even biting the boy. She's not aggressive to anyone else, just him, so I had to wonder what he was doing to make her fear him enough to attack him. Later, he killed a pet bird, and some frogs he found near the storage building. It was at that time that we began to worry about what he might do to his younger sister, so he is being seen by a psychologist now, and treated with some sort of ADHD medication. From what I have seen in the last few days, it has helped, but is still a work in progress.

In your situation, the courts may dictate that he see a psychologist, or may not, but I would certainly recommend that he does. Make sure it's a good doctor as well, he has, no doubt, seen one in the institution he is currently in, but that doc is most likely not the best doctor you can find. Talk to your family doctor and get recommendations for a good psychologist and make every effort to get this boy treated. Above all else though, like everyone else has said, the boy needs attention, love and FAIR discipline. Remember that fair in your eyes may not be fair in his eyes. For me, the best thing that worked was for my parents to treat me with respect, and expect the same from me. I think that if you sit him down and explain to him that you will love him regardless of his actions, you will respect him ACCORDING to his actions (how much he respects you), and that he will reap the rewards of good behavior and suffer the consequences of bad behavior, then follow through with those promises, he will improve. Also, when discipline is needed, anticipation is often worse than the punishment itself, my folks liked to talk about teh infraction, talk about why it was not allowed, and talk about the punishment. They would then carry out the punishment, if I resisted, it got worse. Afterwards, they would explain it again, remind me how much they loved me etc. Worked for me, but it may be a tough battle at first because the boy will have to adjust to someone who is able to discipline him the way he needs.

[surprise_i'm_armed]

CrimsonSoul:
Your pain and concern for this child is palpable. Everyone here has provided
some good opinions for this lad's improvement while under your roof.

My 2 cents would be to include this boy in so many activities of all kinds that
he will have no free time with which to get into mischief. It will involve him with
other people who take pleasure in the good things of life. Shooting should probably
be avoided until he is on a clear-cut path to responsibility in other areas.

My son was ADHD-diagnosed early and is now an ADHD adult. He and I spent a lot
of time together, but I think I lost him to bad behavior during all the times his mother
kept changing her geography. Far enough from me that I could not see him on a regular
basis.

My son was the one I detailed in an earlier thread, about 6/6/09, who disarmed the AK-47
robber. His mother (my ex) and I agonized over whether to provide him with a shotgun,
due to his impulsive nature at times.

But we eventually concluded that we would equip him with her Remington 870 just in case
the AK guy came back for revenge. Talk about a nail-biter!!

I pray that you and Mrs. CrimsonSoul can have a life-changing effect on this boy.

SIA

[AWB09]

I don't want to pile on but I agree that you should deal with the behavior problems first and then maybe teach him to shoot when he shows the emotional maturity to handle a deadly weapon safely. The right home environment goes a long way along with spiritual guidance. I will pray for you and your wife and her son.