Where will John Woods move to next?
Upon receiving his Ph.D in Microbiology, Dr. John O. Woods III will receive a prestigious research position at the National Cancer Institute in Bethesda, Maryland and will earn a six-figure salary. He will simultaneously accept an offer for a legislative or director position at the Washington D.C office of the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence, joining fellow colleague Collin Goddard at profiteering from tragedies. For the next couple of years, Dr. Woods will gain recognition as an accomplished cancer drug researcher while spending his free time lobbying at Capitol Hill. Using his generous amount of income, paid by both the Brady Campaign and the NIH, Dr. Woods will hire two full-time armed bodyguards to escort him 24/7, even in his three-story gated mansion.
Upon accepting an offer to replace Brian Malte as the Mobilization Director for the Brady Campaign, Dr. Woods will resign his position at the NCI and instead take a less-stressful but equally-rewarding position as a hospital administrator. At this point, he will be able to send out Brady spam mail and sign his name at the end along with a mugshot of him with his trademark douchey grin. His colleague, Dr. Collin Goddard, Ph.D at this point, has been appointed the next President of the Brady Center, replacing Paul Helmke, who quietly retired after being found guilty of embezzlement of funds, which partially explained the organization's continuous lack of money. Realizing the personnel assets the Brady Campaign has at this point, Dr. Woods and Goddard remounts an aggressive campaign to re-establish "common sense" gun laws. Efforts to ban "Loughner-style assault clips" and "assault weapons" will resurface. Dr. Goddard will utilize his experience as a Virginia Tech survivor as testimony, and Dr. Woods will use his professional history as a hospital administrator to demonstrate expert knowledge in ballistics and firearms operation. Initial attempts to pass such legislation will fail due to the notorious history of the Brady Campaign during Helmke's administration, as well as sharp counter-efforts by the NRA-ILA.
Realizing that this war cannot be fought in a fair manner, Dr. Woods et. al resorts to subtle tactics. Dr. Woods' former colleagues from the shadow organization "Eyes of Texas", at this point, have held key positions within the government infrastructure, giving him powerful assets. This secretive network will influence passage of the "Keep America's Internet Safe Act of 2025" and "Real Internet Identification Act of 2026", as well as the "Patriot Act Reauthorization Act of 2025". For the next 4 years, pro-2nd Amendment Internet videos and websites will either be forcibly shut down or blocked by the national Internet firewall, having been classified by the BATFE and the SPLC as "hate speech", until virtually none remain, cutting off any effort to disseminate educational information from pro-gun individuals and organizations. Wikipedia articles are censored. The NRA-ILA will attempt to fight such legislation and challenge their constitutionality. The Supreme Court rules in favor of the federal government by a 7-2 vote, as the 7 judges who offered majority opinion are Zesty former colleagues of Dr. Woods et al.
The Brady Campaign mounts an aggressive psychological and propaganda campaign at this point. Internet videos advocating for strict gun control are mass-distributed. Comments to such videos are censored, and any dissenting opinion is reported to the Department of Homeland Security for investigation. Dr. Woods personally authors his own Wikipedia article, which details his life accomplishments in a positive light.
A lawsuit (Barrish v. NRA) is ruled in favor of the plaintiff at the Supreme Court. The NRA is fined an exorbitant amount of money to pay for compensation for Mr. Barrish's physical and psychological trauma when he "accidentally" self-inflicted a gunshot wound at an NRA-sponsored public shooting event, which ended up paralyzing him from the neck down. The NRA files for bankruptcy.
Without the NRA to resist draconian gun measures, a flurry of severe gun control legislation passes. Private transfers are completely prohibited, universal licensing is introduced, and most semi-automatic firearms are banned.
Much is very hazy from this point onwards. Official records recovered indicates that Dr. Goddard is awarded the Nobel Peace Prize and is elected President in 2032. Dr. Woods retired from his position in the Brady Campaign and resumed medical duties working as research director for a pharmaceutical company specializing in contraceptive methods. Archival fragments show passage of "Executive Order 16485", which mandates that all firearm owners register themselves in a Federal database. The database is believed to contain around 93 million entries. Years later (exact date unknown), mass sterilization of around 100 million U.S civilians is conducted as a measure to prevent population overgrowth. It is unknown whether or not the two numbers are related...
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- by TemporalAgentDaniels
- Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:52 pm
- Forum: Concealed Carry on College Campuses
- Topic: Where will John Woods move to next?
- Replies: 11
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