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My wife and I standardized on 9mm for defensive pistols for several reasons. We both shoot .45 pistols well and would feel adequately armed with them, but feel no less so with the 9mm guns we have -- and 9mm ball ammo is significantly less expensive than .45 so we can train more, or spend less for the same number of trigger presses.

When choosing defensive arms, lots of factors come into play. In the end, the gun you have on you (assuming you can run it well) when you need it is far better than any gun anywhere else. Find a gun you'll carry that uses a reasonably effective cartridge (all pistol cartridges are marginal) and that you shoot well; then train so that you will shoot well if you need to.