Federal Tactical and HST are the better defensive rounds *(as long as they run in your gun)
Some recommendations here:
http://www.ar15.com/content/page.html?id=2379mm
Barnes XPB 115gr HP (35515) loaded by:
Cor-Bon (DPX09115)
Winchester Partition Gold 124gr JHP (RA91P)
Winchester Ranger-T 124 gr +P JHP (RA9124TP)
Winchester Ranger-T 127gr JHP +P+ (RA9TA)
Winchester Ranger-T 147gr JHP (RA9T)
Speer Gold Dot 124gr JHP +P (53617)
Speer Gold Dot 147gr JHP (53619)
Remington Golden Saber 147gr JHP (GS9MMC)
Federal Tactical 124gr JHP (LE9T1)
Federal Tactical 135gr JHP +P (LE9T5)
Federal HST 147gr JHP (P9HST2)
.38spl/.357mag
Speer Gold Dot 135gr +P (53921) - .38spl, specially designed for snubnose guns. Here is an excellent article from Federal's website which gives you more information than you'd ever want to know about this round, as well as effective ranges and performance evaluation using the FBI test protocol for that round.
A good performer may also be found in 148gr WC-type bullets. It's important to use soft lead, as this will cause a flattening/mushrooming of the bullet and still penetrate deeply enough (under review). The original "FBI" load was a 158 gr +P LSWCHP. In .357mag, the 180gr Partition Gold may be an excellent bullet choice giving perfect penetration and reliable expansion.
There are no other recommendations due to the lack of testing, so make sure you test these if you plan to use them in your gun.
Also look at loads using the Barnes DPX bullet as loaded by Cor-Bon and now Federal. Please be aware that Federal lists the "Barnes expander" under their "Vital-Shok" handgun hunting section, while the inferior Hydra-Shok is listed for personal defense.
.357SIG
Federal Tactical and HST loads.
Speer Gold Dot 125gr JHP
.40 S&W
Barnes all-copper bullets (140 & 155gr) loaded by:
Cor-Bon (DPX40140)
Winchester Ranger 180gr JHP (RA40T)
Winchester Ranger 165gr JHP (RA40TA)
Winchester Partition Gold 165gr JHP (RA401P)
Speer Gold Dot 155gr JHP (53961)
Speer Gold Dot 180gr JHP (53966)
Federal Tactical 165gr JHP (LE40T3)
Federal Tactical 180gr JHP (LE40T1)
Federal HST 180gr JHP (P40HST1)
Remington Golden Saber 180 gr JHP (GS40SWB)
.45ACP
Barnes XPB 185gr HP (45185) loaded by:
Cor-Bon (DPX45160)
Taurus (TCB45ACP185HP)
Winchester Ranger 230gr JHP (RA45T)
Winchester Ranger 230gr JHP +P (RA45TP)
Federal Tactical 230gr JHP (LE45T1)
Federal HST 230gr +P JHP (P45HST1)
Speer Gold Dot 230 gr JHP (23966)