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Everybody's a critic, and I'm no different.

I think your ending is too soft..."what do you think about..." , "look forward to a discussion.."

I think you should come right out and ask for permission to carry on campus. I would include with the letter a very concise statement that you are permitted to carry on campus and a place for him to sign. Insert a return envelope with postage. In the letter, you could add that you would enjoy discussing this matter with him in person, but if he did not feel that was necessary, he could sign the attach permission slip and return via mail.