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That my young friend, is the eternal question. You may have opened Pandora's Box with the caliber vs capacity question. I won't weigh into that other than to say that shot placement trumps caliber. I'd rather hit my threat center mass with a 9mm than wing him with a .45. Ammo improvements have largely negated the knock on 9mm from years ago. It goes back to training and regular practice. I suggest you and your wife look into one of the action pistol sports. PSC in Friendswood runs one of the best IDPA matches anywhere on 4th Saturday of every month. Don't confuse IDPA (or USPSA) with tactical training, but it does teach tactical skills. You are manipulating the gun on the clock but with heavy emphasis on accuracy. I have never shot an IDPA match anywhere that did not welcome new shooters with open arms.

I have several that I carry depending on the circumstances. Among those is the Shield (mine w/o safety but available) and Sig 938 (9mm vs 238 in .380). Sig is more expensive but like a mini 1911. Love them both.

A lot of recoil issues can be mitigated by proper grip, stance, etc. You may be proficient, but my analogy of teaching your wife how to shoot is like teaching her to ski. I have a good friend who teaches at several locations in Houston. I have taken competition lessons from him before we moved away. He teaches a lot of women as well. I think he has both the Sig and a Shield and helps shooters (both women and men) make the right choice.

Send me a PM if you want his contact info. Only bad thing is he went to LSU, but sent his daughter to A&M!