To the second part, Speer Gold Dots seem to be a quite the safe bet across most calibers. Federal HST seem to be all the rage. To me, you really just need to make sure you are buying quality stuff. I shot a Remington 115 grain HP into a bucket of dirt and a Speer 147 grain in the same bucket. The Speer opened up quite well considering the harsh medium and the Reminton...well...all I found was a shredded jacket. So while not all HPs are made equal, I think if you buy quality stuff made and marked for "personal protection" or "self defense" then make sure it feeds in what you shoot and go with it.
Let the disagreements begin
