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Warning: These are really bad!

Puns for Educated Minds

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

17. A backward poet writes inverse.

18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine .

21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

WildBill wrote:

Excaliber wrote:In 2011 We'll have both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day.

As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which
we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication while the other involves a groundhog."

Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, 'I bet you don't know what day this is?'

'Of course I do,' he answered indignantly, as he slammed the door, and drove to his office.

At 11 o'clock, the doorbell rang. The wife answered, and at her front door was a UPS driver holding a box, containing a dozen red roses.

Later, at 2 pm there was another knock at the door. This time the driver had a box of Belgian chocolates.

Later that evening the husband came home, tired after a hard day's work. His wife greeted him by saying: 'First the flowers, then the chocolates, I've never had such a wonderful Groundhog Day!'

Better safe than sorry!

In 2011 We'll have both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address occur on the same day.

As Air America Radio pointed out, "It is an ironic juxtaposition of events; one involves a meaningless ritual in which
we look to a creature of little intelligence for prognostication while the other involves a groundhog."