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This is in no way a CHL story, and perhaps not even a self-defense story, but certainly along the same lines.

I used to work night shift at a prison out in the boonies. When I say boonies, I mean it. My neighbors had chickens. Jbirds knows the place. He and I used to be roommates there, but this was after he moved out.

So about 3pm I get rattled awake by a VERY loud booming sound. Scared me senseless in one of those “jumped out of bed landing feet first ready for a fight� kind of situations. I heard it boom 3 times. I thought maybe at first someone had hit the trailer with a car or something.

I grabbed the 380 I had on the side table to the bed and headed toward the front door in about 3 good strides.

I should mention at this point that I sleep in the buff. So there I am, prancing toward the door, completely naked, and not really realizing I'm naked. Gun in hand.

The booming had stopped momentarily, but as soon as I got to the door I jump back as the booming has started again and now I can see that my entire front door is shaking. Not like someone’s knocking on it, but like someone is trying to take it down with a sledge hammer.

There are three more hits to the door and then I hear someone yell, HEY! ANYONE HOME?!

About that time a wave of straight up rage washes over me. I'm not an angry person, but who dares wake me up like that. Everyone I know knows that I work the night shift and who the heck is trying to break down the door?

I walk over, fling the door open and squarely point the 380 directly at the nose of a very meaty guy standing on my porch and say very aggressively, “WHAT THE (deleted) DO YOU WANT AND WHAT THE (DELETED) DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING TO MY DOOR?�

I stand there staring him down for a moment and after a few moments of silence I realize he’s just stunned speechless, looking at the gun and then looking me up and down, naked, and then looking back at the gun and then looking me up and down again…. Not sure what to say.

After a moment I realize there’s something odd about this guy. It doesn’t quite fit in. What could it be?

Well, my astute powers of observation kick in and I realize he’s got a big red fireman’s hat on and he’s wearing big yellow fireman’s suspenders and pants.

So I say to him… ummm, what are you doing?

He says… “there’s a brush fire heading this way… we’re warning all the neighbors.�

So I said, “oh, ok… thanks.�

He walked off.

I closed the door.

Then I went outside and watered down my lawn and my neighbor’s lawn. Of course, I put some clothes on first.