
We rented our XD's before we bought. Like I said earlier, my wife can handle a 45 (XD45 4"), but did not like it after a few shots, recoil was just a hair too much for her. I imagine the smaller XDs in 45 would feel a bit worse for recoil than the full size, which would put you back to square one like you are in now with the LC9. The XDs9 felt much better for my wife, and she has no problems with it.
The Arms Room is a nice shop. What I liked is that they didn't try to push a mouse gun or small caliber on my wife at all, they showed her exactly what she asked to see. Nice range too.