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The malfunction you described is called a "stovepipe" It IS caused by limp wristing. One of the reasons for +P and +P+ 9mm ammo is to increase recoil impulse and overcome the effect of a less than proper grip. The cheap ammo you were using may not be very consistent in it's velocities/recoil impulse and if you don't have a firm grip that weak round may stovepipe.

I have no experience with the XDm pistol but I have extensive experience with the XD. I've put several thousand rounds through an XD9 service model (to the point of having to replace the barrel last year) the gun has never stovepiped with quality ammo and a firm grip. Check your grip keep the gun clean and lubricated and good luck!

Winchester, Remington, Federal, and Speer/CCI all make a full line of ammo that should run just fine in your XDm. Field strip the gun and clean it thoroughly and lubricate it with a good quality oil. It should run AOK after that.

For personal protection I like the Speer 124 gr JHP +P, and the Cor Bon 115 gr +P DPX. Any offerings from the "Big Four" will serve you adequately for personal protection.