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I had a startling experience at the McDonald's this morning, an encounter with a tough group, and it caused me to rethink any lighthearted aspect to California's secession. I'm afraid California secessionists may be one step ahead of us all.

They were at the next booth. They were that close.

At first I just thought, meh, kids, but then I realized that skinny pants and emo shirts with rainbows and sparkles have become the BDU of a potentially hostile foreign adversary. What I first heard as casual but incomprehensible banter was the patois of patriots, sworn allegiant to otherworldly philosophy antipathetic to my beliefs. What good what was in my Alien Gear against truly alien adversaries bearing pretentious latte?

That's when it hit me. As surely as indigestion follows Quarter Pounders. California can win. Our military - our best, toughest units - will be at California's mercy.

All it takes is for California to fight on their home turf. If they let us come to them the war will end as soon as it starts, not well for us.

Once US Federal law is no longer the native rule in the new Republik, military privilege over local authority will no longer exist for our side. At the border, enforced by signs, our troops won't be allowed high capacity magazines, semiautomatic rifles, anything not on California's nice guns list, and will have to carry what they can to the battle field with ammunition and weapons separated.

We don't stand a chance. How could an assault into their territory work? They might have nothing more than flintlocks, but our troops would be helpless while their firing pins were being microstamped and registered.

And they are infiltrating Austin. I don't know about y'all, but for me it's time to give in. I've always eaten the fish, not the bait, but I think I'll give sushi a try. Just to start getting used to what's coming.

The times, they are a-changing.

I often claim to favor secession. I believe that States unwillingly bound to an unfaithful union is tyranny. For that reason, I think secession must be an option and I have rushed to lampoon California's idiocy by offering support to get them out of our way.

But I am my father's son. He fought and nearly died for this nation. I can't hear The Star Spangled Banner or Lee Greenwood's Proud To Be An American and forget what America stands for.

Secession is justifiable only if America is seceding from political rot, not the other way around. We could secede from California and not risk the wrath of our ancestors. California could only secede from us in shame.

Far better that we conquer and eradicate what amounts to domestic invasion on the Left Coast than California secede. It is past time for America to honor the guarantees in the Constitution, starting with the Second Amendment, on behalf of huddled Californians yearning to breathe free.

That's what really needs to happen. We need to practice a little nation building right here on our soil. Let the Americanization of California begin. Now.

Failing that, good luck to the People's Republic. Y'all write if you get work.