TexasCHLforum.com

steveincowtown wrote:If an LEO wants to arrest me for failing to signal, I hope he doesn't mind my laughter on the ride, the Judges laughter in court, or his peer's laughter for the next few days at work.

There's some truth to that.

Protip - If a Federal Protective Service Officer ever writes you a ticket for exceeding the 5 MPH speed limit in a federal building parking garage then the easiest way to handle it is to mail in the $35 fine when you get your follow-up paperwork in the mail.

If, however, you know how the system works and you want to have some fun, go ahead and accept your court date. You'll show up on the miscellaneous docket of one of the nearest Federal District Courts. Some poor schmuck from the U.S. Attorney's office will have to take the case. That guy will chase you down and do everything short of washing your car for the next year to get you to just the pay the fine and make the case go away. If you refuse, they'll most likely drop the charges right before the docket is called.

Why? I've testified in enough Federal District Courts to know that there's a very high probability that anyone from the U.S. Attorney's office who actually dares to waste the courts time on a $35 speeding ticket will earn a serious reaming from the judge and, worse, that judge will forever remember that attorney as "that idiot who wasted my time on a speeding ticket". No USA or SAUSA is willing to put themselves in that position; they're going to have to go back into that court in the future.

Worst case - you wind up spending $35 to get a priceless few minutes of entertainment. I speak from personal experience.

Protip 2 - The previous advice does not apply to other venues and roads where you can get federal speeding tickets. It especially does not apply to Forest Service tickets for riding your bike too fast on a trail.

I know it's a little crazy to join a forum just to post to a particular thread...but I might as well since I'm getting my CHL soon, anyway.

Given a "fishing expedition" during a traffic stop (and making no judgements about whether any has occurred during any of the many examples provided in this thread), I've generally found them easy to deal with. Keep in mind that I once spent a while trying to make a living as a standup comic so I can keep a straight face and never break character during these encounters.

When the irrelevant questions start coming ("Where do you work? What are you doing driving at this time of night? Where have you been this evening?"), I smile and blush and say "Thank you so much; that is sooooo flattering." If they don't respond immediately, I lay it on thicker with "it's been a while since anyone has shown such sincere interest and I'm really flattered by the small talk but I'm already in a relationship."

"Besides, I'm not really sure if you're my type. Of course, I'm sure that's not a problem for a big strong officer like you who's into bears; I'm sure you can find lots of guys ready to have some fun."

For those who need an explanation - "Bear" == gay slang for stout, bordering on fat, hairy guys. I'm straight but I can certainly blush like a schoolgirl at the romantic advances of the sexy guy in uniform who's obviously pulled me over just to start a conversation and ask for a date.

At some point, they always get a little confused and probe further and I just continue the spiel. When it finally hits them that I've assumed they're gay and coming on to me, in every case they've concluded the stop as quickly as possible with an absolute minimum of additional interaction.

I've always considered this a non-confrontational way to quickly move through a stressful situation. I always have the option to fully exercise my rights and would have no problem doing so under intimidation/pressure; I've held stages when audience members were actually throwing shoes at me so telling an LEO that "I do not consent to any searches" is no big deal. However, by playing the little scene outlined above, I've never actually had a traffic stop deteriorate to that point.

Surely I'm not the only one to utilize this strategy, am I?