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Blindref757 wrote:I've had my plastic for a couple of months now and the wife has not really cared too much either way. She supported me getting it, she doesn't think that money spent on guns and ammo are really in the budget, but she isn't anti-gun. She's made a few little jabs at me when I've put on my holster to go to eat or to wally world--but I thought it was just in fun.

Today we hit a wall when I started to head out to church with my gun in my holster. She really threw a fit...she didn't see any need to be armed in the house of the Lord. I didn't have the time or energy to argue...so I left it on the dresser.

Any tips on trying to get her to understand? I get it...I know we could have car trouble on the way, we could be in an accident with an enraged driver, and while highly unlikely, an active shooter could bust through the doors of the sanctuary. She is viewing my carrying as a "little man syndrome" (I'm 6-3/290) instead of preparedness for disaster.

My, my, my how things have changed! Here is another update...and it is a good one!
This post 3 years ago was one of my first on this forum. Since this time, my wife has really gone through a big change in her mindset...so much so that we went to the local gun show last weekend and bought her a brand new Glock 42...and she is getting her fingerprints done today and taking her class tomorrow! She is taking the class without me...and her instructor is a former firearms instructor for BATFE. I know she will be properly instructed and will probably come out shooting better than me!

Oh...and I don't weigh 290...down to 250!

Update...just a little bit over 2 yrs ago, I posted this within a couple of weeks of getting my plastic. Fast forward to current date. She has been with me to the range, she has started shopping for a gun, she is waiting on the new rules to kick in for getting her CHL, and she no longer protests, objects, or asks about if I'm carrying--she expects it. It took her some getting used to, and it didn't hurt that I got a Kahr CM9 that fits perfectly into a DeSantis pocket holster and conceals without printing and has no outward hardware.

Didn't have to trade her in! I appreciate everyone who opined along the way! Many of you are great mentors to new CHL holders like myself. Thank You!

Look What I Found!

http://www.biblecovers.com/ProductInfo. ... THER%20MP2" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Maybe this will help!!!

hangfour wrote:

Get braced, it may be new wife time?

Yes ... I know that this is insensitive but: "Who is head of this house when it comes to very serious matters like the lives of the family". There I said it.

The Scripture states that I'm to be the Spiritual head of my household. If you want to go technical on Luke 22 and say..."It's in the Bible, so it's spiritual and I'm in charge", you can win the argument and lose the war. If we think of the husband/wife relationship in parallel context to the Christ/church relationship as the scriptures teach, Christ didn't divorce the church over a disagreement...he educated...peacefully! My wife is my equal as it relates to making decisions about our daily lives together. I WANT to carry my gun out of love for my family. I don't NEED to carry a gun to church. I'm not ALLOWED to carry a gun at work. My daily happiness isn't dependent on having a gun on my hip. I draw much more happiness out of having a partner through this journey. f it takes her some time to get her head around that, it will be fine. If we never agree, I'm certain that we can work a compromise. She will have a better understanding of my motive this week. She will have the opportunity to get out and handle a weapon this month, and we will begin to have more conversations about "what-if" situations.

I appreciate the responses...some have made me think really deeply about the situation...and others have just made me laugh. But both were necessary for me to begin to deal with the situation!

I asked for advice...I got it!!! No disrespect intended, but I asked for compelling arguments to help sway her position...not marital advice. I appreciate those who might suggest that there are issues behind her protest, but I think after 21 years together, I know her pretty well. I'm convinced that this is more about image and her feelings of safety than it is about a deficiency in our relationship. My wife is my most prized possession...and I say that with utmost respect (she isn't my property). I'm not going to get a divorce over this. We were married 20 years without a CHL. If not carrying at church is a big deal, I'll adapt. Being the spiritual leader of my household involves listening, compromising, and not always being heavy handed. To me, that's a prescription for many wives!

I appreciate all of your responses. I'm going to try a couple of these out when the time is right. She has talked about going to the range with me. As I stated earlier, she isn't anti-gun. She has no opposition to me carrying daily. I think she just needs to warm up to the idea that bad things can happen anywhere and everywhere. The world won't end if it takes a little time for this transition.

Thanks again to everyone who has replied.

I think she is in denial that there are real threats to her personal safety. Furthermore, I think that she is a typical sheep. She doesn't want to think of her husband as the type of person who would take the life of another person. Either that, or she doesn't want me engaged in a firefight because she doesn't want me dead. She hasn't gotten her head around the fact that a person carrying concealed is doing it out of utmost love.

I'm not going to throw a fit about it, not gonna get a 2nd wife over it, and I'm going to try to educate her further. I might be in denial, but I really don't see this as a marital issue. It's a gun/carrying issue.

Hoi Polloi wrote:Is your relationship solid outside this issue? Is the conflict limited only to guns? If not, fix the underlying relationship issue and this will disappear.

Yes...married 21 years. Our relationship is better than it ever has been. No other real conflicts outside of the normal everyday stuff.

Hoi Polloi wrote:Do you have a history of getting really into interests or hobbies? Is your wife reacting to a pattern of behavior, making the gun itself irrelevant? If so, ratchet back and settle in for the long haul, showing interest in her life (enough so that she feels validated and that you're involved), and choosing carefully when and where you're going to introduce this interest into the rest of your life.

I do get into my hobbies, and she has never had one. I've encouraged her to get one/some, offered to pay, supported with kids/dishes/laundry, etc. I don't think it's about the guns...I think it is about image of some sort. I think she's scared that someone might find out what those clips on my belt are for (my tuckable holster) and think less of us for having a gun at church. My gun is always well concealed...I wouldn't have it any other way.

Hoi Polloi wrote:Does your wife have a particular issue with firearms? Did you rush into carrying (on her timescale, not yours) so that she's been simmering for months and it is starting to come out because she's reaching the boiling point? If so, gain lots of brownie points by working backwards to the day it started, then start moving forward together, giving it the time and attention the issue needs to be resolved.

I didn't rush into it. I talked about it for a couple of years. I've had handguns and hunting guns in the house all 21 years we've been married. I've taught my kids about guns, let them shoot them, drilled safety into their heads, and been a good manager of this aspect. When I decided to get my CHL, she never said a negative word.
I believe this issue is pretty much isolated to church.

I've had my plastic for a couple of months now and the wife has not really cared too much either way. She supported me getting it, she doesn't think that money spent on guns and ammo are really in the budget, but she isn't anti-gun. She's made a few little jabs at me when I've put on my holster to go to eat or to wally world--but I thought it was just in fun.

Today we hit a wall when I started to head out to church with my gun in my holster. She really threw a fit...she didn't see any need to be armed in the house of the Lord. I didn't have the time or energy to argue...so I left it on the dresser.

Any tips on trying to get her to understand? I get it...I know we could have car trouble on the way, we could be in an accident with an enraged driver, and while highly unlikely, an active shooter could bust through the doors of the sanctuary. She is viewing my carrying as a "little man syndrome" (I'm 6-3/290) instead of preparedness for disaster.