anti-gun mother in law just found out I carry!

[NavyVet1959]

I'm all for helping people if they ask nicely, whether it is from relatives or just friends. If you don't like the fact that I'm armed, then don't expect me to provide free labor. I've got better things to do anyway. I could be at home with a tennis ball, drinking a beer and wondering if my dog will ever get tired of retrieving the ball when I throw it.

Oh, and even if you don't drink beer, if you are getting free labor, it's the polite thing to do to provide beer for your free labor. <burrrrpppp>

[VMI77]

I'd just tell her, "You want me to come over and do stuff around your house? Fine. The gun comes with me. You don't like that? Then get somebody else to be your field hand. And if you don't like my state, then get the heck out. We'll both be happier."

Yes, you marry the whole package, but that doesn't mean you need to A) submit to manipulation, and B) subject yourself to someone's beck and call, especially if they are a hysterical fool.

I was blessed with delightful in-laws, but I had to take the above approach with my own mother some years ago. Here is an important principle in family relationships: you will NEVER get someone to respect your boundaries unless you A) set them, and B) enforce them. The fact is that, until you set and enforce boundaries, your MIL will continue to try and manipulate you, berate you, and offend you. Like froggie said above, grandkids make a great motivator for good behavior.

Here are some good rules to set boundaries:

1. I don't go anywhere unarmed, including your house. You want me to come over, I come over armed. That is not negotiable.
2. I can't help you if I can't come over, and I won't come over unarmed. You want help from me, get used to it. You're the one asking. Beggars can't be choosers, and I am not inclined to help people who do not respect me. That is not negotiable.
3. I WON'T drop my kids off where they are not properly protected, and I WON'T take them where I can't protect them, if such protection is not provided for by the home-owner. That is non negotiable.
4. I WON'T have you in my home if you are disrespectful in my presence of my beliefs, or the way I live my life. Say what you want in your own house or away from my presence, but in MY house, MY rules. This is non negotiable.
5. If you EVER criticize me or disrespect me to my children in front of me, or if you ever criticize my beliefs or the way I live my life to them in front of me, you will not see them again until you formally apologize and promise not to do it again. I won't forgive it more than a couple of times. If you ever do it behind my back, you will never see them again, as long as you live. This is non negotiable.

These rules sound harsh, but they are intended to modify the other person's behavior with regard to you. Believe me, it will only take one or two confrontations over the rule violations for her to begin to change. Alternatively, you can accommodate yourself to your MIL's insanity, but that simply enables her insanity, it is called "co-dependence", and I don't think you'll be too happy with your life; because if you surrender in one area, you'll soon be surrendering in others. Such is the nature of manipulative people. They need boundaries...............so that we don't kill 'em all. LOL.

I completely agree and have basically lived by those rules all my life....though in my case guns have never been a problem with my family or my inlaws. Still, I had to set similar boundaries early on, and these boundaries actually improved relationships and reduced misunderstandings.

[TexasGal]

Just tell me she does not vote in Texas elections

[nightmare]

Just tell me she does not vote in Texas elections

Somebody votes for Straus.

[Reds45ACP]

I'm grateful for my wife and in-laws. Her Dad actually found out that I shot and took me to a range. He said, "You need to show me that you can shoot well enough to protect my daughter." I took my 1911 and put 20 rounds through the same jagged 2-inch hole. He laughed and said, "Welcome to the family!" He and I spent the next two hours at the range having a good time.

[misterlarry]

I'd just tell her, "You want me to come over and do stuff around your house? Fine. The gun comes with me. You don't like that? Then get somebody else to be your field hand. And if you don't like my state, then get the heck out. We'll both be happier."

Yes, you marry the whole package, but that doesn't mean you need to A) submit to manipulation, and B) subject yourself to someone's beck and call, especially if they are a hysterical fool.

I was blessed with delightful in-laws, but I had to take the above approach with my own mother some years ago. Here is an important principle in family relationships: you will NEVER get someone to respect your boundaries unless you A) set them, and B) enforce them. The fact is that, until you set and enforce boundaries, your MIL will continue to try and manipulate you, berate you, and offend you. Like froggie said above, grandkids make a great motivator for good behavior.

Here are some good rules to set boundaries:

1. I don't go anywhere unarmed, including your house. You want me to come over, I come over armed. That is not negotiable.
2. I can't help you if I can't come over, and I won't come over unarmed. You want help from me, get used to it. You're the one asking. Beggars can't be choosers, and I am not inclined to help people who do not respect me. That is not negotiable.
3. I WON'T drop my kids off where they are not properly protected, and I WON'T take them where I can't protect them, if such protection is not provided for by the home-owner. That is non negotiable.
4. I WON'T have you in my home if you are disrespectful in my presence of my beliefs, or the way I live my life. Say what you want in your own house or away from my presence, but in MY house, MY rules. This is non negotiable.
5. If you EVER criticize me or disrespect me to my children in front of me, or if you ever criticize my beliefs or the way I live my life to them in front of me, you will not see them again until you formally apologize and promise not to do it again. I won't forgive it more than a couple of times. If you ever do it behind my back, you will never see them again, as long as you live. This is non negotiable.

These rules sound harsh, but they are intended to modify the other person's behavior with regard to you. Believe me, it will only take one or two confrontations over the rule violations for her to begin to change. Alternatively, you can accommodate yourself to your MIL's insanity, but that simply enables her insanity, it is called "co-dependence", and I don't think you'll be too happy with your life; because if you surrender in one area, you'll soon be surrendering in others. Such is the nature of manipulative people. They need boundaries...............so that we don't kill 'em all. LOL.

Rules to live by! Thanks.

[jmra]

I'd just tell her, "You want me to come over and do stuff around your house? Fine. The gun comes with me. You don't like that? Then get somebody else to be your field hand. And if you don't like my state, then get the heck out. We'll both be happier."

Yes, you marry the whole package, but that doesn't mean you need to A) submit to manipulation, and B) subject yourself to someone's beck and call, especially if they are a hysterical fool.

I was blessed with delightful in-laws, but I had to take the above approach with my own mother some years ago. Here is an important principle in family relationships: you will NEVER get someone to respect your boundaries unless you A) set them, and B) enforce them. The fact is that, until you set and enforce boundaries, your MIL will continue to try and manipulate you, berate you, and offend you. Like froggie said above, grandkids make a great motivator for good behavior.

Here are some good rules to set boundaries:

1. I don't go anywhere unarmed, including your house. You want me to come over, I come over armed. That is not negotiable.
2. I can't help you if I can't come over, and I won't come over unarmed. You want help from me, get used to it. You're the one asking. Beggars can't be choosers, and I am not inclined to help people who do not respect me. That is not negotiable.
3. I WON'T drop my kids off where they are not properly protected, and I WON'T take them where I can't protect them, if such protection is not provided for by the home-owner. That is non negotiable.
4. I WON'T have you in my home if you are disrespectful in my presence of my beliefs, or the way I live my life. Say what you want in your own house or away from my presence, but in MY house, MY rules. This is non negotiable.
5. If you EVER criticize me or disrespect me to my children in front of me, or if you ever criticize my beliefs or the way I live my life to them in front of me, you will not see them again until you formally apologize and promise not to do it again. I won't forgive it more than a couple of times. If you ever do it behind my back, you will never see them again, as long as you live. This is non negotiable.

These rules sound harsh, but they are intended to modify the other person's behavior with regard to you. Believe me, it will only take one or two confrontations over the rule violations for her to begin to change. Alternatively, you can accommodate yourself to your MIL's insanity, but that simply enables her insanity, it is called "co-dependence", and I don't think you'll be too happy with your life; because if you surrender in one area, you'll soon be surrendering in others. Such is the nature of manipulative people. They need boundaries...............so that we don't kill 'em all. LOL.

This should be required reading for every groom to be.

[1s1k52]

I didnt start carrying till after we got together, but yeah I agree with everything being brought up

[Excaliber]

I'd just tell her, "You want me to come over and do stuff around your house? Fine. The gun comes with me. You don't like that? Then get somebody else to be your field hand. And if you don't like my state, then get the heck out. We'll both be happier."

Yes, you marry the whole package, but that doesn't mean you need to A) submit to manipulation, and B) subject yourself to someone's beck and call, especially if they are a hysterical fool.

I was blessed with delightful in-laws, but I had to take the above approach with my own mother some years ago. Here is an important principle in family relationships: you will NEVER get someone to respect your boundaries unless you A) set them, and B) enforce them. The fact is that, until you set and enforce boundaries, your MIL will continue to try and manipulate you, berate you, and offend you. Like froggie said above, grandkids make a great motivator for good behavior.

Here are some good rules to set boundaries:

1. I don't go anywhere unarmed, including your house. You want me to come over, I come over armed. That is not negotiable.
2. I can't help you if I can't come over, and I won't come over unarmed. You want help from me, get used to it. You're the one asking. Beggars can't be choosers, and I am not inclined to help people who do not respect me. That is not negotiable.
3. I WON'T drop my kids off where they are not properly protected, and I WON'T take them where I can't protect them, if such protection is not provided for by the home-owner. That is non negotiable.
4. I WON'T have you in my home if you are disrespectful in my presence of my beliefs, or the way I live my life. Say what you want in your own house or away from my presence, but in MY house, MY rules. This is non negotiable.
5. If you EVER criticize me or disrespect me to my children in front of me, or if you ever criticize my beliefs or the way I live my life to them in front of me, you will not see them again until you formally apologize and promise not to do it again. I won't forgive it more than a couple of times. If you ever do it behind my back, you will never see them again, as long as you live. This is non negotiable.

These rules sound harsh, but they are intended to modify the other person's behavior with regard to you. Believe me, it will only take one or two confrontations over the rule violations for her to begin to change. Alternatively, you can accommodate yourself to your MIL's insanity, but that simply enables her insanity, it is called "co-dependence", and I don't think you'll be too happy with your life; because if you surrender in one area, you'll soon be surrendering in others. Such is the nature of manipulative people. They need boundaries...............so that we don't kill 'em all. LOL.

Priceless!

[1s1k52]

I thought i responded to these? Yeah i am not worried about it. I can't control really if my kids go over there. That would take legal action that I probably wouldn't win. It may seem as simple as that, but for anyone that understands how dad's "rights" are in Texas it is few and far between.

A turn of events have happened on that side of the family and I have been watching my brother in law who is younger and mentally challenged. Yeah I have a brother in law that is younger.

Her mom has had 9 children. I could go and on and on. I'm not really worried about it. I never have to go over there again for all I care if thats how that feel. The fact it was text to my wife and not me is childish in itself.

[Texas_Blaze]

. I can't control really if my kids go over there. That would take legal action that I probably wouldn't win....

maybe I don't understand the entire situation. As long as your wife is in agreement, your kids don't have to go there.

[1s1k52]

. I can't control really if my kids go over there. That would take legal action that I probably wouldn't win....

maybe I don't understand the entire situation. As long as your wife is in agreement, your kids don't have to go there.

Yeah shouldn't be and hasn't been off and on. Really its the first time it has come up and an emergency happened so haven't had the time to talk about it. Plus pretty sure we are separating. Not as a result of this thought. Although that would be funny.

[Running Arrow Bill]

Ignore the in-laws and others that don't accept your lifestyle. It's your gun, your life. Move on.

[Elza]

I feel for you man...that stinks. I have a fantastic relationship with my in-laws.

I have a great relationship with my MIL. She's dead.

[radiandd]

I'm grateful for my wife and in-laws. Her Dad actually found out that I shot and took me to a range. He said, "You need to show me that you can shoot well enough to protect my daughter." I took my 1911 and put 20 rounds through the same jagged 2-inch hole. He laughed and said, "Welcome to the family!" He and I spent the next two hours at the range having a good time.