CC and dating

[sixline]

This may be a weird topic with no definite answers but I have to ask:

I have been "dating" a girl for a little while (so I know her moderately well) and I was curious how you would approach the fact that you conceal carry a gun all of the time, including all of the times you've spent together out a restaurants, hanging around the apartment, walking around downtown, driving in the car, etc.?

I know it will come up at some point and I'd rather it not be when I bend over and my shirt rides up and reveals a big 'ol .45 in the waistband, or even the little .380 I carry in more group social situations that require a lot of hugging and greeting old friends.

I've thought about trying to work it into a conversation but it's not something that ever comes up and I'd rather not force the topic.

I can't say that this relationship is to that point of "serious" yet, far from it, so I'm not in any rush to divulge this info. But I do think she should know, and deserves to know, when the time is right, that I choose to do this.

Any thoughts/experiences?

Thanks in advance!

[Zee]

You have to call it. It might be a little easier if you brought up the conversation in general. At least you might know where she stands before you lay your cards on the table. Break the ice by talking about sex. Sometimes its less threatening. wink.

[seamusTX]

I have been "dating" a girl for a little while (so I know her moderately well) ...

You haven't taken her shooting yet?

The offer to go to the range is either going to end the relationship or lead down the primrose path to ownership of pink AR-15s, etc.

- Jim

[Keith B]

I have been "dating" a girl for a little while (so I know her moderately well) ...

You haven't taken her shooting yet?

The offer to go to the range is either going to end the relationship or lead down the primrose path to ownership of pink AR-15s, etc.

- Jim

This is very sound advice. It allows you to see what her feeling about guns in general is. If she is immediately put off by the mention of guns, then you may be destined for a unhappy ending. However, if she is semi warm or even open to the idea, then you can start working toward letting her know you carry.

[Oldgringo]

I think that I had a date once. It was a long time ago and I just don't remember if we talked about guns or football or what.

[seamusTX]

This is very sound advice.

Thank you.

I should have added (here I go again with direct advice) do not hand her a .357 Magnum revolver or .40 S&W pistol for the first time. Use a .22 handgun or rifle. I am very fond of the rifle as a starter. It is much easier to shoot, quiet (for a firearm), and more difficult to get into an unsafe situation.

I think that I had a date once. It was a long time ago and I just don't remember if we talked about guns or football or what.

Ask Mrs. Old Gringo. She probably remembers. Unless the date was with someone else and you had an arranged marriage.

- Jim

[The Annoyed Man]

I have been "dating" a girl for a little while (so I know her moderately well) ...

You haven't taken her shooting yet?

The offer to go to the range is either going to end the relationship or lead down the primrose path to ownership of pink AR-15s, etc.

- Jim

You could try letting it drop into a conversation that you were at the range yesterday and yada yada yada, to kind of see what her reaction is; and depending on that, you could invite her to shoot your pistols. If she accepts the offer, then when you are actually shooting, you could mention that "this is the one I carry." If you can get that far without a "KABOOM," so to speak, then you'll be able to get around to telling her that you've been carrying the whole time you've been together.

[sixline]

Thanks all, some good ideas here.

I should've added to the OP that I am planning a range trip with her sometime soon. We'll see how that goes.

And yes, I have a .22lr revolver that I generally start friends out on when we go to the range. It's nice to ease in to a larger gun if they want. My mom loved shooting the .22 and was excited to shoot the 9mm and .45, and was fully prepared for the recoil increase. Good way to build up to that.

[C-dub]

I don't know. I think I might not want this woman to know I have a CHL. If I thought I knew her well enough I might let her know I own a gun, but I'm not sure I would let her in on the CHL until we were married or at least engaged. I don't want to be a pessimist, but what if this woman is not the ONE? Then you have an EX that knows you have a gun and a CHL.

[sixline]

the primrose path to ownership of pink AR-15s, etc.

HAHA! I love it!

[seamusTX]

I don't want to be a pessimist, but what if this woman is not the ONE? Then you have an EX that knows you have a gun and a CHL.

You may not want to be a pessimist, but it seems that you are.

I had a number of dates with women that turned out not be "the one," and I mostly never heard from them again. One dated another friend of mine. (That didn't work out either. Her parents were picky.)

Since courtship is pretty much up to the individual in 21st century America, it is essential to determine early on that you are not associating with a nut case, criminal, drama queen (emo , as they call it nowadays), alcoholic, drug addict, etc.

I thank my lucky stars that all that business is decades in the past for me.

- Jim

[Oldgringo]

seamusTX wrote:

I thank my lucky stars that all that business is decades in the past for me.

, that And trying to bring up young 'uns in these troubled and trap filled times. I'm enjoying my dotage.

[Frost]

A guy whose podcasts I listen to had some good advice in this area. It is not specifically about CC but about politics.

mp3 link

[joe817]

I agree with Seamus. Or prior to that during an evening or on the phone start a conversation about hobbies. During the course of it she'll ask you what your hobby is, and you can tell her target shooting and invite her then.

That's how Mrs. joe817 learned about the hobby, and I took her to "target practice" when we were dating in 1968. Little did she know that my pistols at the time were a Colt 1911, a Remington 1890 single action in .44-40(grandaddy to a .44 magnum), and a Colt 1873 SAA in .32-20. She shot them all, but didn't enjoy the the Remington or the 1911.

[Shorts]

I echo the suggestions about bringing up hobbies and then pursuing a date at the range. When my husband and I were first dating I didn't know if he had guns but I figured he was friendly to them since he was military. I ended up catching a glimpse of the pistol he ket on an end table and asked if he liked to shoot. He said yes which was great for me so we decided to hit up the range for an outing.

Anyway, make it casual and go from there. Feel her out and get an idea of how you need to approach it. Should be able to tell you whether this is going to be an issue.