For those that may have teenage daughters

[rgraham541]

Showed this to my daughter and she just rolled her eyes!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxGKeCZGFXQ

[lawrnk]

Hah, I like it!

[Texasdoc]

This is what every dad needs before letting your daughters on a DATE with any boy

Application to Date My Daughter

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement job history, lineage, and
current medical report from your doctor.

1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH ________________
2. HEIGHT ____________________ WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______
G.P.A.______
3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE # __________________

4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________________________
5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE ___________ ZIP _________
6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE
parent?___________________________
If No., EXPLAIN ___________________________________________________

7. Number of years your parents have been married
____________________________
8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A
waterbed? _______ Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly
button ring? A tattoo_________________
(If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises )
9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to
you?____________________
_______________________________________________________________________
10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to
you?

_________________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________
11. In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE" mean to you?
_____________________________________________________________________
12. Church you attend _____________ How often do you attend
__________________
13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and
priest/rabbi/minister? __________
14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers
are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone-ever-I promise.)
a) If I were shot the last place on my body I would want wounded is
________
b) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my
________________
c) A woman's place is in the
________________________________________

d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is
_____________
e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her Is
( NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave
premises keeping your head low and running in a serpentine
fashion is advised.)
15. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
__________________________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT
TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE,
RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.
________________________________________
Signature( That means your name, moron)

Thank you for your interest Please allow four to six years for
processing. You will be notified in writing you are approved. Please do
not try to call or write (since you probably can't and it would cause
you injury.) if your application is rejected, you will be notified by
two gentlemen weaning white ties and carrying violin cases (You might
want to watch your back)

[lawrnk]

erm...I am confused by 14(c)
What is the proper answer?

[srothstein]

erm...I am confused by 14(c)
What is the proper answer?

Well, from the t-shirt:

A woman's place is in the house...

And the Senate.

[flintknapper]

erm...I am confused by 14(c)
What is the proper answer?

) A woman's place is in the

"middle of your business" is the real life answer.

[nedmoore]

I was traveling a few months ago for work where the auto dealership that makes those commercials is based. I saw several of the "Trunk Monkey" commercials and they were all funny. They had one where a car thief was trying to break into a car, the trunk monkey crawled out of the trunk and started beating the hell out of the thief with a bat!

[lrb111]

erm...I am confused by 14(c)
What is the proper answer?

) A woman's place is in the

"middle of your business" is the real life answer.

"Yes, I remember Flint well. He was a brave man...."

[Kalrog]

My daughter is 2... I wonder what chaperon version will be available then.

[tboesche]

Dad’s rules for dating my daughter:

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a pizza, because you're, Darn sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.
Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a
"Barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.








Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my Mustang?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folk’s homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a sand dune near Baghdad. When my Gulf War Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password; announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early. Then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[mgood]

I've been lead to believe that daughters are God's punishment on men for having been boys.

Your biggest fear is that she will date someone who is interested in her for precisely the same reasons you were interested in the girls you dated.

This is not directed at anyone in particular.

Disclaimer:
I do not have children - possibly because my mother warned me that they would be just like me.

[tboesche]

I've been lead to believe that daughters are God's punishment on men for having been boys.

Your biggest fear is that she will date someone who is interested in her for precisely the same reasons you were interested in the girls you dated.

This is not directed at anyone in particular.

Disclaimer:
I do not have children - possibly because my mother warned me that they would be just like me.

That is one of my biggets fears!

Funny story, I actually scared of one boy that was interested in my oldest. He came to pick her up, I was in the garage cleaning my AK-47. As she brought him out to meet me, I had just finished reassembling it, and had just pulled the charging handle back. He walked in as it slammed home. After their date he never called back.

Couple years later, my youngest is 16 and this boy took her out on a date and when they got home the garage door was open. Hanging on teh wall are two silouhette targets with the center chest blown out and several holes in the head region. He asks my baby, "Did your dad hang those up to scare me?" She replied, "does it?" He says"yes".

Thankfully I have been blessed with good girls.

[KC5AV]

When you have a boy, you have to worry about 1 boy.
When you have a girl, you have to worry about every boy in town.

**Disclaimer: I have no children.

[mgood]

From my memories of high school, the parents who were strictest with their girls were mothers who had been "wild girls" in their day.
They KNEW what was out there.

There was a girl who was quite a bit younger than me. She was in junior high when I was an upperclassman in high school. She, I guess you would say "admired" me. I don't know if you would really call it a crush, but something like that. (This was not a common experience for me. Girls generally paid very little attention to me, lol.) She and I would sit together at football games and band contests (we were both in band) and talk. That was it, really. There had never been contact outside of that other than just to say "hi" when we saw each other around town.
When I was in college and she was in high school, this continued. I'd be home for the weekend and go to the game, or I'd show up at band contests, and we would sit together and talk.
One time we decided we should continue our conversation the following evening. I would pick her up at her house.
I was in college and associated mostly with people who did not live with their parents.
When I arrived, she was still getting ready and I got to sit down and talk with her dad, the Deputy Sheriff. (He's now the Sheriff, and has been for many years.)
I'm thinking,"WHOA! How did I get into this?"
I was not thinking and was completely blindsided.
From him I'm getting, "You know this is my baby girl," and "where are you going? what are you going to do? how late do you expect to be out?" etc. We really were just friends, and were just going to get a coke and ride around and shoot the breeze. But dad saw it as his little girl being picked up for a "date" by someone older than her who had been known to be a little on the wild side.
Anyway, it was a little tense, but no one got shot.

[aardwolf]

10. In 50 words or lest, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to
you?

Based on my experience, it usually meant she would do enough touching for the both of us.