Tumbleweeds

[chuck j]

They finished the cooking and she really liked the fried Polk , she told Zeke she wanted to get more of it . After they had eaten Zeke said ...Let me make some coffee and we will talk . He was making the coffee and she got up with her crutches and got them a cup . She was shaky but moving much better ,


The coffee was on the coals and they were sitting down and Zeke said ...Now ma'am you haven't known me long I understand that but something is troubling you in a powerful way . You and Nate are here in the middle of no where without a man around and I spect that's ta do with your trouble . Where is your husband ma'am ?


Zeke said...Now before you share that with me I'm goin to share something with you . I was born on a farm bout five mile east of Atlanta Georgia . I never knew my father . My mother told me she had made a bad choice , she wanted to marry him but when he found she was carrying me he just moved out and found another woman . The folks that owned us let us live our lives pretty much as we pleased and provided well for us . They treated us like their children , when they found out my father wouldn't be responsible for my mother and me they sold him , I never knew my father . My mother never married and she raised me by herself , when I told you there was two people I never thought I would hear say.. 'I can't'..she was that other person . She was a strong woman ma'am , she raised me right and she loved me . I was born and spent fifty one years hardly ever leaving that two hundred and twenty acre farm , I spent fifty one years as a slave on that farm , over a half a century .

[chuck j]

Ma'am by the time I was fourteen or fifteen I knew I'd never marry or have children . I would not have any say in my own born into slavery ma'am ...it just weren't right ma'am . It tormented me to think I would be a slave till I died and could never have a family . My mother tried to give me hope saying that there were white folks trying to free us but that looked like a long shot to me .


I told you I understood why you were working so hard ma'am , it's because you use work to push back your worry and fear . It's because you can't fix it so you work harder to hide from your trouble but it's still there so you work even harder . But it will overtake you ma'am . It will not go away and you can't work hard enough to stop it .

When I was twenty two years old I was mad , I was frustrated that I had no say in my life so I worked like a crazy person and what happened to you happened to me .
My mother made me come back when I wanted to die . She saved me by making me try and by GOD's word ...The sword of GOD . My Lord Jesus Christ gave me hope ma'am and here I am now .

[chuck j]

I'll skip a lot of stuff ma'am but by the end of the war all the black folks on the farm were scared . We didn't know what was going to happen to us . Even if we were free how would we live ? We had been taken care of and had no place to go .
At the end when the family that owned us left with what they could carry and told us we were free. We all just stayed there for several days not knowing what to do . My mother was old and had been taken from field work to do light work and sewing . She was a good seamstress , our owners sent her into Atlanta to do sewing on confederate uniforms and such for the war . They said she would be well treated . It was the last time I saw her .


I left walking with my clothes and a small cooking pot to Atlanta to find her . When I got there I couldn't believe it . White and black people begging for food , during the siege the white folks had no food , they were eating horses or whatever they could get . The union army declared martial law and it was crazy ma'am , it was madness . I couldn't find my mother NO one would talk to me or help me . After three days I gave up trying ...it was impossible to find out anything .


I started walking west just trying to get out of the city and a white man told me it wasn't as bad in Louisiana . I found a dead black man on the side of the road stabbed to death and his pants and shoes taken . I started staying off the road walking in the dry creeks headed west . I got to Louisiana .

[chuck j]

I nearly starved to death ma'am , I stayed away from houses and towns . The world I knew had gone insane . I made it to Louisiana and worked for an old man that raised horses . I needed a horse so I worked three months for ol Pie , food and a wore out saddle . He was a mean old man but he honored our deal and he gave me this hat telling me I needed one . Then I rode to Texas .

[chuck j]

I crossed into Texas in the south , and Texas was another world ma'am . The Texans were jumping mad , they hadn't had much fighting there . They were mad as heck the Federal folks and union army was there taking everything over . The carpetbaggers were pouring in looking to make money , get land or get in government jobs . Texans were looking to take it out on somebody ...I had to be careful .

They didn't obey the new laws that they could get away with in defiance ! The places out where there wasn't many people were just trying to live . They were far away from all the mess and hate so I stayed away from settled places when I could . I worked and traded and got horses . I bought packs and what I needed then crossed into Mexico down south through Matamoras and found a man that would sell me dry goods and staples . I stayed on the outside of settlements selling and trading , those folks were glad to see me even if I was black and had things they needed . Zeke laughed and said ...I sell 'sin' items ma'am ! Like sugar , pepper , spices , tobacco , lucifers , bacon , coffee and tea . Things people want ...not need . I do sell black powder , flour and a few necessities but folks pay more for the 'sin' items . And that's how I came here looking for people settling but there are not many here , too many renegades and Comanche here . I have made a living at it ma'am .

[chuck j]

Ma'am I'm fifty nine years old now . I have mainly lived on horseback , riding trails , swimming rivers , sleeping on the ground with few possessions of my own but my horses and gear for eight years . Pie was the first thing I bought and paid for using my labor on my own . He has been faithful and dependable , he has never let me down that's why I was willin to stay here in the beginnin to help him . I have roamed much of Texas alone , I just keep movin never stayin in a place long and it is a lonely life ma'am . I still wish I had a family and that is a great sadness for me . It torments me ma'am but I just keep throwin the rigs on my horses every mornin and movin on .

[chuck j]

Now ma'am I have told my story best I can and I have never told it to a soul . I just keep movin and strugglin to push back knowin I'll die on the trail or somewhere and have no one that loves me and I will have no one to love . My Lord Jesus Christ sustains me . I don't know what my future is in this fallen world ma'am but I know he has prepared a place for me in paradise .

Now ma'am I have been honest in tellin my past and sharin my trouble . It's time for you to share your burden with me ma'am . You have things gnawin at your heart . What troubles you ma'am ?

Your coffee is cold ma'am ...let me get you a fresh cup before you begin .

[chuck j]

She sat there looking at her hands on the table as Zeke sat her coffee down and sat himself down . She continued to stare at her hands a while then slowly raised her head like it was an effort . She said …


My husbands name is Hosea . We lived about a mile apart near outside Muscatine Iowa , we knew each other as children . We went to the same Methodist church and saw each other often . He was two years older than me and very nice . His mother had died giving birth to him and his father raised him . He told me after we were married that he had always felt guilty that his mother died giving him life . His father was a good man but not to bright , he never sent Hosea to school . They had a small poor farm and struggled to live .


We had a better farm but it was small , we had to work hard to live . My mother and father loved me . Hosea and I were married in 1862 , He was eighteen and I was sixteen . We lived with his father because he was sick a lot and couldn't always work . We also helped my parents , we stayed so busy . The war came and him and my father thought it was their duty to join the army , they signed up in the 2nd Iowa infantry . They left home in 1863 . My mother tried to talk my father out of joining but he thought he had to go . My mother and I were so scared and sad . I helped my mother and Hosea's father and it was hard . His father got sick in the winter of 1863 , he had pneumonia and he died after Christmas . We buried him on his farm and I had to write Hosea , I felt so terrible having to send that letter .

[chuck j]

She looked at her hands again and continued …

Hosea has never mentioned his father very much , I know that he now feels like he should have not enlisted and cared for him . After Hosea and my father had left I found I was carrying a baby . I wrote the good news to Hosea and I know he worried about me , the baby and my mother and I having to work the farm by ourselves . It was a very bad winter that year .

I had my baby in early spring , she was beautiful and I named her Jenny . I wrote to Hosea and I know it relived him that the baby and I were alright .

Things seemed better though my mother and I struggled to keep the farm going . Later we received news that my father had been killed at Vicksburg . Shortly thereafter we received news that Hosea had been wounded there . My mother was never the same and she died the next winter . I was alone with Jenny and so worried about Hosea . I had no money but sold a cow and some things and bought him a Remington 1858 pistol having it sent to him hoping it would give him more protection . There was so little I could do .

[chuck j]

Hosea came home in 1866 . We were so glad to see each other and he loved Jenny , he was so proud of her . Both his father's and my parents farms were in bad shape and my mother and I had to sell things to live . Hosea and I tried hard to work my parents farm , his father's farm had never been very productive .

Hosea was not the same when he came home . He worried so much and he worked . He was always working and moving , he didn't want to sleep . He didn't talk about the war very much but he said that he saw hundreds of men killed in a single day . He said when he was wounded in the leg on the field he had to lay there thinking he would bleed to death till dark to crawl back to his lines . He told me that he walked the field after my father was killed to find his body and made sure he was buried quickly . I know there is much he has not told me .


He heard about Texas and we talked . We saw no future for us or our daughter where we were so we started planning . It took us a year to sell the farms and get ready . Hosea bought everything in Iowa that he thought we might have trouble finding later . We had the wagon and that small trailer behind the shed . He bought the two mules and the cow . He would sit up at night looking at maps and having me write letters seeking information . He bought this land and we set off , I was scared .


Things were going well and we were in southern Missouri when Jenny caught a fever . We thought it would pass and tended her but she got worse . We stopped on the trail and camped trying to keep her warm and care for her but she died . My beautiful little girl died with me holding her , I could not stop death from taking her .


It was raining , we buried her by the trail in a muddy grave . Hosea built a cross , we cried for days . I don't understand why my baby girl died . She was so smart and pretty , she had brown hair like me .


She laid her face on her arms and wept . Zeke looked down and stared at the table

[chuck j]

Zeke let her grieve , he let her cry . She finally bolted upright and pushed hard with the heals of her hands wiping the tears away . Zeke said …

I want to hear more about Jenny , I see her lookin like you ma'am. But finish your story . She cleared her throat and kept wiping her eyes and she said … We went through Arkansas and through Louisiana about a hundred miles then went west into Texas . We found our land finally after another three hundred and fifty miles .

Hosea started cutting and dragging logs with the team and built the livestock shed . We lived in it till he built the cabin , I helped him all I could . He would work into the night , I begged him to slow down . I thought he would kill himself but he just kept working . I told him I was carrying Nate and we were happy , Nate came and Hosea was better . He still works a lot but is more calm .


He left nearly two months ago to go to Eliasville to get supplys and information on the country he said he would be back in four days . I have not seen him since . He did not leave us...That I know! He would never leave us here , something has happened .

[chuck j]

Zeke said ...We need to contact the Rangers , if anyone can find out what is goin on they are the ones to do it . We will have to figer it out ma'am . She said ...Wouldn't it be better to tell the army ? Zeke said ...The army don't give a dang about nothin ma'am ! They are too busy chasin Indians who just have em chasin their tails . The army does best tormentin town folks tryin to make them obey stupid laws . The Texans love to torment THEM . The Rangers get things done .

[chuck j]

Zeke said ...We are surly goin to find your husband ma'am , we will start figerin out what to do . Eliasville is farther south than he thought by what I understand . It would have took more like eight days to get there and back travlin deer trails and breakin trail . There are no roads from here to there . I can't leave you here alone ma'am there's too much could happen to you and lil' Nate but we are goin get it done ! I got ta finish the hay tomorrow then we'll plan . Is there a place to ford the river upstream ma'am ? I came from downstream and closest ford would be bout twelve mile down .

She said ...Hosea scouted up and down the river a days ride each way when we got here . He said you could ford it two miles upstream from here . He said there was a good sand rock bottom and the water was no more than stirrup high , I know he went there to cross the river .

[chuck j]

Lets get some work done up ma'am . I don't know but we might have to do some travlin . I got to figue what to do with the stock while we are gone . If we turn em out they will all drift off and we cain't afford for that to happen . We got to think on this hard ma'am !


I'm gonna leave Nate with you and take the black mule to the hay field .It's too hot for him there , I'll finish mowing and be done with it . She said quick … No you not ! Your not killing yourself in the heat of the day ! There's plenty to be done here and your already worn out ! She stood there on her crutches glaring at him with her head up and eyes full of fire .


He slowly said … Yes..ma'am . You are right …………..I spect I ought to practice what I been preachin to you bout the work . More thinkin makes less work . I got plenty to do here and we still got a catfish at the river and plenty of corn ta eat .

[chuck j]

Zeke went and trimmed the horses hoofs that needed trimming and took care little things that needed doing . She couldn't really do any hard work so she started cutting matching flour sacks out to make a new dress . She had been meaning to do it for a long time .

Zeke took his bed back to the shed , she was able to take care of Nate if she moved slow and she needed to move as much as she could .

Next morning Zeke rolled out of his bed with Pie standing several feet away and got dressed . He walked out and the door of the cabin was open and the dim glow of the oil lamp shown through the doorway . He milked the cow and put the stock on grass , he saddled the black mule and lead him to the mesquite tree tying him . He stepped in the cabin and she was making breakfast , he got a cup of coffee and sat down . He said ...I put Pie out on grass this morning , he is doing a lot better and the swelling is down a lot ma'am . He's bearing a little weight on it .

She said ...That's good news , it will take him a while to heal well . We will have mush with dried plums in it this morning ...I think it will be good ! Zeke agreed and they just talked . Zeke was thinking that sharing their trouble with each other had made her more relaxed . And then he thought ...I feel more at ease too !