We were just chatting while she was fitting the frames on my face, and I asked her if she had seen anyone open-carrying in the store yet. She said no, but that she would be a little freaked out if she did see one. That opened the door for a conversation about her fears, open carry, concealed carry, crime stats for licensed carriers, etc., etc. It was a productive conversation. She wasn't "anti-gun" in the political/legal sense, but she was one of these people who is simply afraid of guns. We talked a bit about gun-tragedy horror stories, and I told her a couple of mine, and reassured her that I get it about people being afraid and understand it. She agreed that, if given an opportunity to learn more about guns in a controlled and safe environment, she would probably get over her fears, that the fear is mostly fear of the unknown. She told me that she didn't have any personal horror story about guns, but just that she was afraid of them, and she agreed that if she had the opportunity to learn more, she would not only feel better about guns, but that she thought it would be empowering for her. (She chose that word "empowerment".)
I immediately played up the empowerment angle.......which isn't really an angle for me as I really believe in it. I preach empowerment to women all the time as a reason for why they should learn to shoot. Earlier in the conversation she had mentioned an "ex" husband, and I asked her if she was still single, which she said she is. I said, hey, you're a young attractive woman, living alone, you should be empowered to protect yourself. We talked about her finding an NRA Basic Pistol instructor in the area (and dropped the hint that I am one) so that she could get more familiar with guns and shooting and be less afraid of it. And she agreed that it would be a good idea for her to do that, and then get a gun for her self-protection.
We talked about living in fear of something, and how a gun is just a tool. I asked her if she had a fire extinguisher in her kitchen, and she said yes. And I said, "but you don't live in fear of a kitchen fire do you?" She said no, and she agreed with me that having a fire extinguisher was simply a precaution, and having taken care of the precaution, she didn't have to worry about it. Then I drew the comparison between the fire extinguisher and carrying a gun, and I could see the lights start to come on. I reiterated that one of the best ways to dispel an unwarranted fear so that you don't have to live with that fear is to familiarize yourself with the object of your fear so that it is no longer an unknown. Every time the subject of fear came up, I brought the conversation back to the idea of taking an NRA Basic Pistol class as the best way to dispel that fear.
We also talked about the kind of people who carry, and whether or not licensing was a good or bad thing. I said that I would eventually like to see licensing go away, but that I could understand the arguments in favor of licensing, and that if that's what it would take for others to be comfortable with the idea of people carrying a firearm, I could be comfortable with it for now. (I told her that Arizona and Vermont don't require a license at all, and yet their streets are not running with blood, and that surprised her.) I told her about how much background checking goes into obtaining the license, and how actually, licensed carriers are the people she should be encouraged to have around her. I told her about the DPS page where she could download the stats for herself to see how much lower crime statistics are for licensed carriers than for the general population. When she asked how that could be, I said, "its simple..... we are the GOOD guys", and told her about all the things that would disqualify someone from being licensed, and when you disqualify people for those reasons, you're left with good guys. I described how licensed carriers are the kind of people who would come to her aid if one of us saw her being harassed in a parking lot by a couple of thugs, or would pull over and help her change a flat tire late at night, etc., etc., and that we are exactly the kind of people she should want to surround herself with. I told her my wife and daughter-in-law both carry, and that a couple of the women in my lifegroup carry. She was surprised at the idea of women who carry, even a little amused by it. I asked her, "when I walked in here before we stated talking, would you have picked me out for someone who carries a gun?" She said no, and I said "well a LOT of us are old-grampa looking guys like me.......just regular folks".
I also said, "think about it this way........ the people you will see open-carrying in the future have been concealed carrying all along. They were there all along, with a gun, and nothing bad happened. The only difference when you see someone open-carrying is that you learned something you previously didn't know about that person. She said, but how do I know if someone open-carrying is licensed? I said, "Lets say I had walked in here open-carrying and sat down at this chair with my back to all the people walking past in the Target, at least some of them would probably notice my gun, right?" She said yes. Then I said "and there's a pretty decent possibility that someone would call the police, they'd show up, and I'd have to show the police my license, right?" Again, she said yes. So I asked her "what criminal is going to draw that kind of attention to the fact that he is carrying a gun?" More lights went on, and she agreed that was pretty unlikely. And the kicker was when I said, "You know...... criminals have been carrying concealed pistols illegally all along, when the rest of us were carrying concealed weapons legally. Criminals are not going to go away. But is a pretty safe bet that the person you see open carrying is not a criminal, right?" More lights went on. At one point, she replied to something I said with "well yeah, I guess that really is the logical way to look at it."
There was a lot more to it than that...... I was there for about 40 minutes so it was a fairly long conversation. But anyway, I think that I helped someone to come around to a change in their thinking about both concealed and open carry and guns in general. The secrets to success were:
- I respectfully acknowledged her fears as real
- I agreed that when people have horror stories, any thinking person would agree that the horror stories are, in fact horrible (in fact, I'm the one who brought this up)
- I was respectful of her opinions so that she would feel safe expressing them
- I used self-deprecating humor to make her more receptive to some of the ideas I brought up
- I didn't talk down to her, instead I listened when she spoke, and I spoke when she listened. Neither tried to talk over the other
When I go back there in the next 10 days or so to get my glasses, if she's there I'll follow up, and tell if she would ever like my wife and I to take her to a range and teach her, she has our number.
