Any favorite quotes?

[The Annoyed Man]

Here are a few of mine:

"Never tell people how to do things. Just tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity" - GEN. George S. Patton Jr.

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me." - Noel Coward

"Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles." - Frank Lloyd Wright

"Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard." - H. L. Mencken

"Your manuscript is both good and original, but the part that is good is not original and the part that is original is not good." - Samuel Johnson

"Never eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy

"If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm." - Vince Lombardi

"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." - Will Rogers

"I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth, and they thought it was hell." - Harry S. Truman

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. " - G. K. Chesterton

"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. " - Voltaire

"Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. " - Mark Twain

"To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am." - Bernard M. Baruch

"When I was born I was so surprised, I didn’t talk for a year and a half." - Gracie Allen

"The purpose of life is to fight maturity." - Dick Werthimer

"I was born not knowing, and have had only a little time to change that here and there." - Richard Feynman

"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there." - Herb Caen

"The future will be better tomorrow. " - Dan Quayle

"I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." - Will Rogers

"What’s another word for “thesaurus?”" - Steven Wright

"When I die, I’m going to leave my body to science fiction." - Steven Wright

"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breath through their noses when they’re eating sandwiches." - Jim Carrey

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that’s how dogs spend their lives." - Sue Murphy

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time." - Steven Wright

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes. " - Oscar Wilde

"I drink to make other people interesting. " - George Jean Nathan

"I drive way to fast to worry about cholesterol." - Steven Wright

"I’ve got all the money I need if I die by 4 o’clock this afternoon." - Henny Youngman

"Having a family is like having a bowling ball installed in your head." - Martin Mull

"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass. " - Martin Mull

"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy." - H.L. Mencken

"The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence." - H.L. Mencken

"When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick." - George Burns

"You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and you wonder what else you could do while you’re down there." - George Burns

"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death." - Dave Barry

"I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time.” So, I ordered French toast during the renaissance." - Steven Wright

"The best defense against the Atom Bomb is not to be there when it goes off." - Anonymous

"Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one’s own opinion." - Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

"Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to." - Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

"Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another’s resemblance to ourselves." - Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary

"From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." - Sir Winston Churchill

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Sir Winston Churchill

"Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room." - Sir Winston Churchill

"How can you govern a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?" - Charles De Gaulle

"I think; therefore I am." - René Descartes

"If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith." - Albert Einstein

"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy." - W.C. Fields

"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch." - W.C. Fields

"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead." - Samuel Goldwyn

"An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support." - John Buchan

"I wore this frock coat in Washington, before the war. We wore them because we belonged to the Five Civilized Tribes. We dressed ourself up like Abraham Lincoln. You know, we got to see the Secretary of the Interior. He said, "Boy! You boys sure look civilized!" He congratulated us, and he gave us medals for looking so civilized. We told him about how our land had been stolen. Our people were dying. When we finished, he shook our hands and said, "Endeavor to persevere." They stood us in a line--John Jumper, Junior McIntosh, Buffalo Hump, Jim Pockmark, and me. I'm Lone Watie. They took our pictures, and the newspapers said, "Indians Vow to Endeavor to Persevere." We thought about it for a long time. "Endeavor to persevere". And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union." - Lone Wate, The Outlaw Jose Wales

[Oldgringo]

TAM, did you puposefully leave out Pogo's immortal observation of, "We have met the enemy... and he is us"?

It's as true today as it was in the Okefenokee Swamp of yesteryear...I think.

[The Annoyed Man]

TAM, did you puposefully leave out Pogo's immortal observation of, "We have met the enemy... and he is us"?

It's as true today as it was in the Okefenokee Swamp of yesteryear...I think.

Not purposefully, no. I had forgotten that one.

[speedsix]

..."...Don't Start None and There Won't BE None..."-----Beaudreauxe Thibideauxe II

[Thomas]

I'm sorry I don't have the attributions with these:

King Saul thought Goliath was too big to fight - David thought he was too big to miss.

Life is like a mirror - if we frown at it, it frowns back at us; if we smile, it returns the greeting.

Scars are tattoos with better stories.

The greatest reward for serving others is the satisfaction found in your own heart.

A river is powerful because many drops of water have learned the secret of cooperation.

An angry man is seldom reasonable; a reasonable man is seldom angry.

An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.

Anger is only one letter from danger.

Be the change you want to see in the world.

Discipline yourself so others won't have to.

Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; argument is an exchange of ignorance.

Early to bed, early to rise - till you make enough money to do otherwise.

Education requires a lot of books - wisdom requires a lot of time.

Every moment you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.

Forget your mistakes, but remember what they taught you.

If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?

If ignorance is bliss, then why aren't there more happy people?

If you don't climb the mountain, you can't see the view.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.

It certainly pays to advertise - there are twenty-six mountains in Colorado that are higher than Pike's Peak.

It is better to die for something than to live for nothing.

Law-Enforcement Bumper Sticker: "Spend time with your kids so we don't have to."

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.

Losers quit when they are tired. Winners quit when they have won.

Man doesn't plan to fail - he just fails to plan.

Nothing costs as little and goes as far as courtesy.

One of the greatest pleasures in life is doing what people say you can't.

Small matches can light great torches.

Small opportunities are often the beginning of great achievements.

So live that when people speak evil of you, no one will believe it.

The danger is that we don't aim too high and we miss it, but that we aim too low and reach it.

The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping-stone is what you make of it.

The reason most people never reach their goals is that they don't define them, or ever seriously consider them as believable or achievable.

The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.

The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind.

The worst failure is the failure to try.

Thoughts become actions; actions become character; and character determines our destiny.

To find fault is easy; to do better may be difficult.

Tomorrow belongs to the people who prepare for it today.

True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.

We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.

Whatever you dislike in another person, be sure to correct in yourself.

When you are coasting, you are either losing speed or going downhill.

When you open your mind to the impossible, sometimes you find the truth.

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.

Wish not so much to live long as to live well.

You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.

Bonus quote:

"You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til ya understand who's in ruttin' command here." - Jayne in Firefly

[RoyGBiv]

Those who would give up Essential Liberty, to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.... Benjamin Franklin

"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; and that I will obey the orders of the President of the United States and the orders of the officers appointed over me, according to regulations and the Uniform Code of Military Justice. So help me God." ... US Military Oath (Enlistment)

A veteran is a fellow citizen, an ordinary person who at one significant point in his or her life made out a blank check payable to the United States of America for any amount up to and including their life... Anon.

EDIT: Forgot one..

All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing... Attributed to Edmund Burke

[RPB]

"Never bear more than one kind of trouble at a time. Some people bear three kinds; all they have had, all they have now, and all they expect to have."
- Edward Everett Hale

Will Sonnett: No brag... just fact.

I thought I was wrong once, but I found out later I was mistaken. (E. Abbey, The Monkey Wrench Gang)

I Started Out With Nothin And I Still Got Most Of It Left (it's a song by Seasick Steve, but I don't know who said it first)

[talltex]

I have alot of them, but one of my all time favorites is from poker champion, pool shark and golf hustler, Johnny Moss, whom I've had the pleasure of meeting on several occasions. A young player asked him if he had any advice he could give him, and The Ol' Man smiled and said: "Stay away from poolhalls, card tables and golf courses, kid...or else all you'll ever have is fun." At the old Dunes hotel in Las Vegas, 1975.

[Heartland Patriot]

I know that you gentlemen have put quotes up concerning many things. But, since this is a firearms related forum, I'm going to stick to that subject and only put up three (and there are just too many total quotes I have gathered over the years on far too many subjects).

"When you disarm the people, you commence to offend them and show that you distrust them either through cowardice or lack of confidence, and both of these opinions generate hatred."---Niccolo Machiavelli

"The rifle itself has no moral stature, since it has no will of its own. Naturally, it may be used by evil men for evil purposes, but there are more good men than evil, and while the latter cannot be persuaded to the path of righteousness by propaganda, they can certainly be corrected by good men with rifles."---Jeff Cooper

"They might find me lying dead in a ditch someday, but I will be laying in a pile of brass, and I will not be alone"---supposedly attributed to a "Trooper Padgett"

Like I said, I have a lot of other favorite quotes that I have saved over the years, but these are in my "Top Ten".

[Divided Attention]

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

--Robert Heinlein

[Warhammer]

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. - Unknown

The question really isn't whether or not you're a jerk; it's "are you the kind on jerk I get along with?" - Me

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. -Herman Cain

I have gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here. - Unknown

[MoJo]

"It's like deja vu all over again" Yogi Berra

[The Annoyed Man]

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

--Robert Heinlein

Specifically from Lazarus Long, in Heinlein's Time Enough for Love.

[fishman]

A nickle ain't worth a dime anymore. Yogi Berra.

[thatguy]

Git r done...Larry the Cable Guy.