cbunt1 wrote:
Last time I checked on it, at least with a contact in CPS, if your 17 year old daughter walks out the door of her own volition, you're free to change the locks. Not so with your 17 year old son.
Be very careful about what CPS people tell you, especially when it's not in a formal, recorded situation. Sometimes, they're winging it (to put it nicely).
Good point. And, like the open carry crowd, I would seriously consider having a digital audio recording gizmo on my person at all times until he turns 18 and is safely offsite (and the locks changed) - or whatever you elect to do at that point.
Best of luck to you!
I'll quit carrying a gun when they make murder and armed robbery illegal
Houston Technology Consulting
soup-to-nuts IT infrastructure design, deployment, and support for SMBs
Dave2 wrote:
At least you'll be able to kick him out again in a month. And you might want to talk the police into have a few officers hanging out if your son really is as belligerent as you've made him sound.
Actually it is not as easy as most of you seem to think. If your son or anyone stays at your house for a given length of time (don't remember 60 days maybe), your house then becomes their established residence and they have to be formally evicted if you decide you no longer want them there. The good thing is, most kids and freeloaders don't know this, so there is seldom a fight. I had to pick my jaw up off the floor when our family counselor told us that.
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.."
-- Ronald Reagan
Dave2 wrote:
At least you'll be able to kick him out again in a month. And you might want to talk the police into have a few officers hanging out if your son really is as belligerent as you've made him sound.
<Snip> If your son or anyone stays at your house for a given length of time (don't remember 60 days maybe), your house then becomes their established residence and they have to be formally evicted if you decide you no longer want them there. <Snip>
The "given length of time" seems to be a state secret or something. I've been googling for a while, but everything seems to be geared towards the tenant's rights rather than the landlord's, and Google seems to assume that "established residence" refers only to taxes and voting.
I am not a lawyer, nor have I played one on TV, nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, nor should anything I say be taken as legal advice. If it is important that any information be accurate, do not use me as the only source.
i have thought about setting him up in a hotel room when he is 18 just to get him out and to put him close to many jobs might cost a few hundred but worth it.
suthdj wrote:i have thought about setting him up in a hotel room when he is 18 just to get him out and to put him close to many jobs might cost a few hundred but worth it.
It appears to this curmudgeon that it is past time to be thinking about putting him up anywhere and time to think about your wife, who has apparently been driven abroad by your son and your refusal/inability to deal with the situation.
It's ball check and choice time. Nobody can do it but you, just do it - one way or the other!
Ha! I thought it would a mixed-martial art camp or something, but I like your idea better
I am not a lawyer, nor have I played one on TV, nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night, nor should anything I say be taken as legal advice. If it is important that any information be accurate, do not use me as the only source.
A friend gave their son that was loafing, leeching and refusing to be a contributing member of the family a large pack of paper plates saying "These are what you will use for anything you eat here. When these are gone, so are you!"
Kid thought they were kidding till the next meal and everyone else had stoneware and he had paper.... He got a job, submitted to drug testing , and generally became a nicer person to deal with. He had to know where the line in the sand was....
Will keep you all in our prayers during this tough time!
Blessed be the LORD, my rock, who trains my hands for war, and my fingers for battle; Psalm 144:1-2
CHL - 2010; NRA RSO - 2011, NRA Chief RSO - 2014
NRA Pistol Instructor -2013, NRA Refuse To Be A Victim Instructor - 2015
Lifetime NRA Member - 2013
suthdj wrote:i have thought about setting him up in a hotel room when he is 18 just to get him out and to put him close to many jobs might cost a few hundred but worth it.
It appears to this curmudgeon that it is past time to be thinking about putting him up anywhere and time to think about your wife, who has apparently been driven abroad by your son and your refusal/inability to deal with the situation.
It's ball check and choice time. Nobody can do it but you, just do it - one way or the other!
You asked...
You can not "deal" with a situation you can not control, he has no regard for anyone or himself. I am not going to let myself be drug down to a level that ends up with me in jail or a hospital and trust me those are the options when dealing with him. The law is no help at all since he has been on probation he has been to jail 2 times and the system won't do anything but put him on electronic monitoring which locks him up at home that is just punishment for me. The judge says don't do X,Y,Z and he does that and more. I could get him locked up in a drug rehab until he is 18 but then when he is done in less then a month, I still have to let him back in my house and I will still have to evict him and deal with whatever revenge he decides to extract during that time. Walk in my shoes for awhile then come back and talk about refusal/inability and ball checks. Bottom Line is I am doing what I can to keep my sanity until he is out of my house so I can move on with my life. Despite what parents think a child allows you control over their life, as he likes to point out "what are you going to do" Stop and think about those words the reality is you have no real control unless you want to get physical which will lead to you going to jail. Just not worth it!
suthdj wrote:i have thought about setting him up in a hotel room when he is 18 just to get him out and to put him close to many jobs might cost a few hundred but worth it.
It appears to this curmudgeon that it is past time to be thinking about putting him up anywhere and time to think about your wife, who has apparently been driven abroad by your son and your refusal/inability to deal with the situation.
It's ball check and choice time. Nobody can do it but you, just do it - one way or the other!
You asked...
You can not "deal" with a situation you can not control, he has no regard for anyone or himself. I am not going to let myself be drug down to a level that ends up with me in jail or a hospital and trust me those are the options when dealing with him. The law is no help at all since he has been on probation he has been to jail 2 times and the system won't do anything but put him on electronic monitoring which locks him up at home that is just punishment for me. The judge says don't do X,Y,Z and he does that and more. I could get him locked up in a drug rehab until he is 18 but then when he is done in less then a month, I still have to let him back in my house and I will still have to evict him and deal with whatever revenge he decides to extract during that time. Walk in my shoes for awhile then come back and talk about refusal/inability and ball checks. Bottom Line is I am doing what I can to keep my sanity until he is out of my house so I can move on with my life. Despite what parents think a child allows you control over their life, as he likes to point out "what are you going to do" Stop and think about those words the reality is you have no real control unless you want to get physical which will lead to you going to jail. Just not worth it!
The ball is in your court. You either return serve or you lose by default. Your call.
cbunt1 wrote:
Last time I checked on it, at least with a contact in CPS, if your 17 year old daughter walks out the door of her own volition, you're free to change the locks. Not so with your 17 year old son.
Be very careful about what CPS people tell you, especially when it's not in a formal, recorded situation. Sometimes, they're winging it (to put it nicely).
Good point. And, like the open carry crowd, I would seriously consider having a digital audio recording gizmo on my person at all times until he turns 18 and is safely offsite (and the locks changed) - or whatever you elect to do at that point.
Best of luck to you!
The voice recorder is a must. My father went through a VERY bad situation with his 16 y/o adopted daughter and it ended up costing him about $100k in lawyer fees and court costs to clear his good name. After the dust cleared his lawyer gave him a voice activated recorder and told him to keep it on him any time she was around. When it comes to kids and CPS a parents word isn't worth the hot breath it leaves your mouth on.
RHenriksen wrote:Good point. And, like the open carry crowd, I would seriously consider having a digital audio recording gizmo on my person at all times until he turns 18 and is safely offsite (and the locks changed) - or whatever you elect to do at that point.
Best of luck to you!
The voice recorder is a must. My father went through a VERY bad situation with his 16 y/o adopted daughter and it ended up costing him about $100k in lawyer fees and court costs to clear his good name. After the dust cleared his lawyer gave him a voice activated recorder and told him to keep it on him any time she was around. When it comes to kids and CPS a parents word isn't worth the hot breath it leaves your mouth on.
Wow, very sobering, but thanks for the validation. Yes, accusations from a female can be darn near as damaging as a conviction!
I'll quit carrying a gun when they make murder and armed robbery illegal
Houston Technology Consulting
soup-to-nuts IT infrastructure design, deployment, and support for SMBs
...with the "enlightened" federal family violence laws, it could be really costly to get physical with a family member...I had to once with my then-19-year-old...remembered later what it could have cost me...parenting is tough duty...
speedsix wrote:...with the "enlightened" federal family violence laws, it could be really costly to get physical with a family member...I had to once with my then-19-year-old...remembered later what it could have cost me...parenting is tough duty...
That's a nightmare - when you wind up with a) a kid that out of control, and b) one that knows you're between a rock (the kid) & a hard place (modern, 'common sense' laws).
I'll quit carrying a gun when they make murder and armed robbery illegal
Houston Technology Consulting
soup-to-nuts IT infrastructure design, deployment, and support for SMBs
...this kid of mine once started yelling "911"...call "911" at the top of his lungs when he was about 7 and getting his fanny dusted by old Dad...with my bare, bony hand...I told him" OK...I will...I could use the help holding you!!!!" That put an end to that...he wasn't smart as he thought he was, but he wasn't stupid, either, and he wasn't quite sure if I'd do it...
