The enemy within

[baldeagle]

I got my CHL license in the mail today. So I asked my wife, "Should I carry to Sams tomorrow?" (We had already planned a trip there.)

Her response was, "Why would you?"

Sigh...we have a long way to go....

[psijac]

lol

[Warhammer]

Why would you ask her if you should carry? Just make carrying a matter-of-fact part of your everyday life.

[baldeagle]

Why would you ask her if you should carry? Just make carrying a matter-of-fact part of your everyday life.

Because I'm working on her mindset. Initially, the reason for getting my CHL was because we're going (her family's) home to North Carolina in September, and she thought her father might give her one of his many guns. In North Carolina, we couldn't even carry the gun from his house to our car without a license. Since she didn't want to get a CHL, we decided that I would get one. Now the next step is to change her (and my) mindset so that carrying becomes a way of life.

[Texas Dan Mosby]

So I asked my wife...

There's your problem right there friend.



Seriously, you don't ask her if you should wear pants, or bring money, or get gas in the car, you just do it.

[baldeagle]

So I asked my wife...

There's your problem right there friend.



Seriously, you don't ask her if you should wear pants, or bring money, or get gas in the car, you just do it.

Well, I wasn't asking for permission, if that's what you think. I was asking to help her adjust to the idea.

[NOS]

I got my CHL license in the mail today. So I asked my wife, "Should I carry to Sams tomorrow?" (We had already planned a trip there.)

Her response was, "Why would you?"

Sigh...we have a long way to go....

I understand how hard it is to change your way of thinking, as an individual and as a couple. My wife had a hard time understanding why I should always carry, even when I explained it to her. I honestly didn't even think I "should" carry all the time back then either, I just wanted her to understand about having the option. I've been working on getting her to accept me getting my CHL for about the past 8 years of our marriage (only been married almost 9). It wasn't until we (me, wife, and our daughter) were all in a really bad situation at a motel while on vacation last year, that we both changed our mindset. I came home and scheduled my class immediately, and we both spent a lot of time at the range. We got some new more concealable pistols for both of us. I took the class and here I am, just waiting for my CHL to come in the mail this next week. She's planning on taking the class this fall when things start cooling off a bit. I can't complain too much because she's at least taking the class.
Long story short, we have both had to change our way of thinking and awareness about carrying a handgun. It takes some getting used to, and our journey has just begun. If it weren't for that incident at the motel that night, I might still be begging her to understand my viewpoint on carrying.
Every person has a different view on this subject, but I think if you carry all the time she will get used to the idea. I just hope nothing has to happen to you, like our night in that motel, before it changes her way of thinking. But if it does, at least you have your CHL and will be carrying.
Good luck to you both, and Congrats on getting your CHL

[Seabear]

One out of every 256 homes had a house fire last year, one in 50 people was a victim of violent crime. You insure your house every day, you can't just insure it for certain days. The only way to get the right mindset is to carry every day, before you know it, it will seem weird when you can't carry.

[texas1234]

Dont try and sell your wife on this. Your like me and every other man on this planet. Some chicks get it, some dont. Just do it. Eventually they will come around and if they dont concealed is concealed.

[chasfm11]

I got my CHL license in the mail today. So I asked my wife, "Should I carry to Sams tomorrow?" (We had already planned a trip there.)

Her response was, "Why would you?"

Sigh...we have a long way to go....

I'm in about the same stage as you, having just received my plastic. Like you, I was getting push back.

I decided on a completely different approach.
1. I simply put my holster and gun on when I leave the house, without saying a word. To me, that accomplishes two things a) it verifies my concealment and b) it establishes a pattern of carry that I'll use in discussions later. More on that in a moment.
2. I got accused of being "obsessed" with carrying a gun. Like everything else that I do, I attack a new area with a thirst for knowledge and the obsession label is probably not far from the truth. When I started racing model sail boats, I was accused of obsessing there, too. In a new area, I research and want to talk about what I'm learning. I've discovered in this area, I cannot talk about it with her. Thank goodness for this forum.
3. When there are events in the news papers or TV, my wife will remark often remark about how the victim wasn't protected from the BG. I always find into the conversation "but they would have been protected ONLY IF THEY WERE CARRYING. I stop there. I've found in nearly 40 years of marriage that I "win" this topics by planting lots of little seeds, not trying to grow the crop in a hurry.

Personally, I'll acknowledge that I can ponder a subject or question and see both sides of it for a while. When I make a decision, it usually comes after a lot of thought. I don't normally vocalize my pondering. My wife does. I've come to recognize that is what she is doing. She really isn't changing her mind as much as she is considering different points in the argument. If I simply let her go, nudging her occasionally in the direction that I'd prefer her to go, I can generally get her thinking to where I'd like it to be. I've decided that this is one of those topics. It is not a battle but a war of attrition .

[Max]

This isn't a question of if you should carry, it's a matter of responsibility to carry. Remember as a licensed CHL holder you also represent all CHL holders. What good is a license in your pocket if that once in a lifetime need to defend yourself arises. It's not where your going, it's what's along the way you should worry about. If you stop for gas at a stop and rob you really increase the need to carry IMHO. With rights come responsibilities.

[edmart001]

When she can't even tell when you are wearing it, you've got the concealed part down pretty well. When you've been wearing it for weeks and months without her even knowing she's been next to it the entire time, she'll have no argument for not wanting to be around it because she already has been. Treat it like it's not a big deal and it won't be. That's been my experience.

And then, there's been the few times when we've been in a situation that got our short hairs standing up and she's leaned over and whispered, "Are you armed?"

To which I've replied, "As always."

Last month she started asking about having another handgun around for her to use if needed and about her getting a CHL. It's been a long process, but slowly letting her get used to the idea at her own pace and not forcing the issue seems like we may almost have her there.

[terryg]

Don't let these guys give you a hard time. I know exactly the tact you are trying to take and I think it is just a valid as the hard line ones they propose. I am also 'working' on my wife using these same conversation starters. In fact, I think my response to the same reply was "Well, why wouldn't I?" That got us talking about the fact that it is legal now, so what is the harm in carrying. It began the transition from it being something 'sneaky' and 'bad' to being legal and prepared.

I also finally got my CHL with the justification that it would make it easier to travel with a weapon - specifically for a vacation we had coming up. The irony is the plastic arrived in the mail the Saturday we left for the trip - a few hours after we had to leave. But since then, the transition has begun. I still have a 'very' long way to go with both me and, especially, my wife. Keep plugging away at it though.

One of the most rewarding moments was a comment she made one time. She had teased me a little when she saw me gear up when we were leaving for Home Depot and Walmart. After the trip, on the way home, I asked her if she remembered that I was armed while we were in both of the stores - if she had thought about it again at all in the stores. She replied something like: "No. I still don't really like guns - in fact they still scare me a lot. But I like the fact that you are thinking about them and are taking care of things." We are making progress.

[baldeagle]

I've enjoyed reading all the replies. Some of you seem to have misunderstood my approach. I'm not asking my wife for permission to carry, I'm trying to get her into the thinking mode of carrying. Her response indicates that she sees no danger in me going to Sams armed, which is a typical mindset for many Americans (including myself at one time.) Secondly, I'm not questioning if I should carry. I have my license now. There is no question I will carry. I can't carry at work though (unless they pass campus carry), so I have to adjust to arming when I leave the house on short trips rather than getting used to carrying all the time.

terryg and chasfm11 seem to "get it". Like chasfm11, I get accused of being obsessed because once I decide I want to understand something I dig into it 150%, reading prodigiously, until I feel I understand the subject well enough to be confident in my opinions. Like terryg, my wife mentally acknowledges the fact that a CHL is a good thing but hasn't yet connected that to our daily lives. We are a very blessed family. We've never been in a serious accident, never had a life-threatening disease, never had a child on drugs and, most importantly, never had a bad experience where a gun might have changed the circumstances. We live in a quiet neighborhood in a low crime area, and we don't frequent places that we consider dangerous.

Yes, I know crime can happen anywhere. That's why I got my CHL. But my wife's mindset (and now to a lesser degree, mine) is why would you need a gun in Costco? No one's going to threaten you there. Besides, they have armed guards.

Changing these things takes time and patience. Trust me, I will be carrying when I go to Sams today. And my wife won't know it. But we're making progress. She's agreed to go with me to the range when the P239 comes in. That's a giant leap forward. And I've spent time explaining to her that she needs to understand how to operate my guns and be confident in her handling of them.

[RPB]

"We live in a quiet neighborhood in a low crime area, and we don't frequent places that we consider dangerous."

First:
Sounds like the best area for burglars, robbers etc. You find very little of value to steal, no Rolexes etc in the slum areas.
I wouldn't consider a McKinney, Texas police stations dangerous, probably the safest part of town with all those police there to protect everyone.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/38738974/ns ... nd_courts/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;


Why would you?
Because dear, it's owned by those same people who own Walmarts
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&clie ... =&gs_rfai=" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Why carry my pistol? because Gatlin guns are too heavy, and people get too excited when I open carry a shotgun.(Just joking, but I understand you need to break-in your holster and wife both.