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maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 9:20 am
by Armed-Texan
i love shooting. i love going to the range and blasting away at the paper bad guys. but my wife sees it as a huge waste of money. while i see her point, almost, with the price of ammo these days, i cannot get her to understand that shooting for me is almost therapeutic. i shoot and unwind like she reads or bakes. i can't really argue that those are a waste! in fact i don't want to argue about it. i want her to at least understand where i am coming from, and would really enjoy her going to shoot with me. she is anti-gun :grumble and hates the fact that i got my CHL and thinks its nothing but trouble. i would really like to share my love of shooting with her. i already got her into golf, but she ain't budging on the gun issue, its like :boxing when it comes up. i can't even mention i am going to the range without starting a fight. its not like i am blowing rent money on ammo either. what can i do?



we have been married for seven years so its not like she just found out i was a gun nut!

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 8:03 pm
by Venus Pax
Have you adopted any of her hobbies? If she has adopted golf, one of your hobbies, she may be expecting you to bend a bit.

I think it's wise to encourage her to shoot for her personal protection, but pushing it on her is the best way to push her away. Use t.v. news stories to start a discussion on the appropriate response to attack. (News stories of people being victimized by criminals are ample, so you won't have to wait long.) Ask her what she would do. Get her thinking about it.

As for the complaints about the money you're spending, ask yourself: How much am I spending? Ammo is expensive, and it isn't getting any cheaper. There are several things you can do to save money on ammunition. Buy generic for practice. Blazer Brass is much cheaper than the premium ammo you would carry. You can also reload. After a small initial investment, you can reload your own at 50% to 70% of the cost of factory.

You can also do the bulk of your practicing with a .22. This ammo costs little. You might spend more in gas getting to and from the ammo counter and the gun range. I think I spent $12 on a box of 550 rounds of .22 last time I purchased.

I had my CHL quite awhile before my dh got in on the action. Initially, he didn't really want me to carry. (Imagine the you'll-shoot-your-eye-out-kid slogan from the 1983 Christmas movie involving a Red Rider BB gun.) After a year of showing an increase in knowledge on the subject and displaying responsibility, he warmed up to the idea, and eventually encouraged me to carry more.

I didn't get him there by fighting him. He had to warm-up to the idea. My actions had to facilitate that.

After his accident, he started to feel his own vulnerability. After our peace-loving youth pastor (and dh's close friend) was attacked after back surgery, Mars realized that violence doesn't only happen to people that live questionable lifestyles. He now carries every time we go somewhere.

It doesn't happen overnight. You can't change your spouse, but you can change yourself and your own behaviors. You would be surprised at the impact your own changes will have on her thoughts. This will require change, time, and patience on your part. Are you up to it?

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 6:36 am
by CompVest
Excellent advise Venus! Not much for anyone to add. My husband (SRVA) and I shoot together and we have a real blast (lol). I can understand your wanting to share your interest with her. If it is in her mind that shooting is not womanly, I shoot a lot, I sew, I ride horses, bake all our bread, can veggies from our garden - well you get the picture. Shooting is not just for men or tom boy ladies. There is the fun aspect of it and the personal defense aspect of it. Promote the fun theraputic aspect and hope for the best.

If you are in the Houston area and would like to go to dinner or something you and SRVA can talk guns and your lady and I can talk food with some gun stuff thrown in.

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Tue May 13, 2008 11:41 pm
by Armed-Texan
i have tried to get involved in things she loves. she is a coach and i helped her out as much as i could this past year, helping at track meets, helping her get a parade float going, all kinds of stuff. she knew nothing about basketball and i taught her everything i could and she seemed to enjoy that? she loves to cook, so i encourage her as much as i can, though it is sort of ridiculous because i benefit from her cooking. i buy her the big expensive cooking things she wants, nice cutlery, big mixers, whatever she wants. i try not to spend all the money just on myself. as far as reloading, i have laid out the cost versus savings, and it didn't go well. i haven't brought it up in a long time and probably won't for awhile, as i just got my chl and she thinks me carrying is ridiculous and asking for trouble. something else she really enjoys is going out to dinner as a family. i HATE eating out, but put on a smile and enjoy the evening. and as much as i hate gambling, i have gone on the texas treasure and to vegas to see her smile.

she has hunted, gutted animals, slaughtered pigs, grew up on a farm, its not that she is prissy or whatever you want to call it. she just sees no use for handguns. though after our discussion at dinner tonight about the future of the country, she may be seeing the light. deer rifles and shotguns are a-ok, just not handguns or target practice. i just wish she would feel comfortable enough to carry and be able to use one in self defense to protect herself and our babies. its a sick world. i gave her some pepper spray and she wouldn't practice by spraying me, or a tree or anything, and that scares me. but she has her beliefs and feelings so i don't push the issue. i'm at a loss for now...

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 1:04 am
by Sarah81
You might consider "matching" the budget.

For example: if you spend $30 on ammo, you spend $30 on your wife as well. I have no idea of what you should do with the thirty bucks. She might enjoy going to the bookstore...or getting new cookware...or...something. Whatever makes her happy, really. :) That gives her a direct, tangible benefit from your range trips. It also gives you the chance to reinforce that the money isn't *all* going to the range/guns/et cetera.

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Tue Jun 10, 2008 12:33 am
by Armed-Texan
well some progress has been made i feel. when i first got my CHL and started carrying, she would bump my gun and roll her eyes and say 'i can't believe you brought that'. now if she hugs me or puts her arm around my waist and bumps it, she won't even move her hand. sometimes she even rests her arm on it :thumbs2: which is not the best thing for concealment, but i ain't gonna tell her to stop touching the gun. with all the crime in our town all of a sudden, and numerous break ins on our street, she has expressed to me she is actually scared. maybe the time is drawing near to get her shooting. :anamatedbanana i have also not spent any money on shooting in some time and plan to keep it that way, i will just shoot my stocked ammo.

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 4:32 pm
by kappatiff
Hi there,

I'm brand new to the gun/shooting world (last couple of months), and was admittedly hesitant when the hubby started in on the hobby. I don't have a single problem with guns in the house, on him, or whatever, but was always just skittish around loaded guns - it came from fear ... I was just afraid of accidents and the unknown.

Then a couple months ago our neighbor (who's in the Air Force) started getting his wife into things so he'd feel better about her and the kids being home when he's deployed. So I started thinking about it ... and then wondered why in the world I was ever hesitant. We all took the CHL class (mailed in our apps a few weeks ago) and I'm the proud owner of a Glock 27 now. :)

Not sure what to tell you exactly on getting her to come over to the dark side ... if my husband did all of that for me, I'd already be there (!) but maybe take it from the angle that you're worried about her safety, versus YOU like it as a hobby. If she feels empowered by it (vs. threatened or annoyed maybe?), that may make a difference.

Our CHL intructor put it to us this way: "A lot of women tell me that they could NEVER do this class b/c they're too afraid of guns. I then ask them what their life is worth. What are their children's lives worth? Spouse? Parents? Siblings? ... general citizens on the street? I never know if you're going to be the person who saves the life of my grandson while he's at McDonald's, so it's my passion to get as many people safely educated as possible."

When I tell that to many of my girl friends, there seems to be a little light that clicks. I will tell you that I already feel much more empowered and knowledge is never a bad thing. As someone else said in one of the earlier responses, violence doesn't just happen to people with questionable lifestyles ... and you can't be with her all the time to protect her. Making the choice to NOT be a victim is totally cool. :txflag:

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 8:37 pm
by vscott
kappatiff wrote:Making the choice to NOT be a victim is totally cool. :txflag:

Right on sister :iagree:

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 9:02 pm
by quidni
About 3 years ago, I was talking with a young lady who worked with my son. She told me she could understand how Thane could be interested in guns, since he was a guy, but she wanted to know why I, as a woman, was so interested/passionate as well. (She was from a very sheltered, traditional background... girls did NOT get into "guy things." They were supposed to depend completely on the men for protection.)

She nodded a little when I discussed the right and ability to be able to defend one's self against an attacker, especially if one's husband/father/boyfriend wasn't there. But then I nodded toward my son and said, "God willing, some day he'll marry and give me grandkids. Grandkids means trips with the grandparents, and sleepovers at the grandparents' house. And if someone ever threatens to hurt my grandbabies, they'll have to go through me -as well as my husband- to do it!" It was like a light bulb went off. She understood "protecting the children."

We introduced her to both pistols and rifles in different calibers, and she shot like she'd been shooting for years. Not like someone who'd only just been introduced to the sport. Incredible what the right motivation can do!

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Wed Jun 11, 2008 9:16 pm
by longtooth
Good job young lady. :thumbs2:

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 6:45 am
by CompVest
kappatiff welcome to the Forum and the dark - enlightened - side!

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:28 am
by OverEasy
My $.02,
http://www.corneredcat.com by Kathy Jackson is a very good site.
I think men as well as women should read what Kathy has to say.

If you can't get your wife to sit down and read the site. Print off one topic from time to time and give it to her to read. My wife will read stuff I print off, while she is eating breakfast, even if she doesn't have time to go sit at the computer.
Regards,OE

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Thu Jun 12, 2008 9:38 am
by anygunanywhere
Not a woman's view, but it fits the trend here.
"Why do you carry a gun?"
American Handgunner, July-August, 2005 by John Connor


If I had a nickel for every time I've been asked that question, I'd have, uh ... as many guns as his firearm-festooned Editorial Immenseness, Roy-Boy. It's been asked of me by all flavors of folks in all slices of society, with attitudes and expressions ranging from angry-arrogant to curtly-contemptuous, to brainless an' befuddled. My answers to it have sorta formed three phases in my professional gun-carrying life. During that first and longest phase, I answered all of 'era sincerely and articulately, often following up with stacks of historic and legal documents. After many years, I concluded only a semi-significant sliver of people even heard what I was sayin'. The rest had already made up their muddled minds.
Finally, I just got sick of it, and moved on to Phase 2. If those asking seemed to have teensy open spaces in their minds, I gave 'em S & A: "Sincere & Articulate." The more harshly-bleating sheep, however, often got exchanges like this:
"So," queried Snidely Snotworth III, lookin' down his unbusted but needed-bustin' nose, "Why do you think you have to carry a gun?"

"Well," bellowed the Brutish Neanderthal (that would be me): "Because you're not QUALIFIED to carry one. You haven't got the skills, the judgment, the sense of responsibility, or the courage for it."

This answer often popped out after I'd just returned from some Heart-Of-Darkness where every living soul knew that the difference between slaves and free people is having the means and determination to defend their lives, property and liberties. That meant having guns and guts and God-given rights. Most of those people would quite literally die fighting for the freedoms so many Americans casually give away, and proudly bear social responsibilities those sheeple * won't even recognize.

* Sheeple: Sheep-like people, many of whom deny the existence of wolves, and vote to pull the teeth of the sheepdogs who protect the flock.

The Voices

Then I matriculated to Phase 3, where I started having some fun with the Snidely Snotworth types. When they asked the Big Question, I'd go all hunchy-shouldered an' secretive, then lean in close and mutter, "Because of the voices, ya know?" "The VOICES?" sniveled the Snidelies, suddenly scaredy-cattish. "Oh, yeah, the voices ... They told me to be, you know, prepared for when the killer clowns come ... " I'd furtively goggle around. "The voices say the killer clowns are comin' ... They're cannibals, some of 'era, and ..."

About that time the Snidelies would be skitterin' away like mice on polished marble.

Yeah, I know, the "killer clowns" answer might not have been "helpful," but it did just as much good as giving S&A answers to the sheeple, and it was a lot more fun for me. I know you already know why we carry these cannons. But sometimes, just sometimes, we all need a little reminder. That includes me, and I've got one to share with you. One that got me where I live.

The Connor Clan has been nomadic, and we've lived in a number of places. In one of 'era, we shared a side yard and friendship with a young woman we'll call Miss Maine, and her knee-high daughter, Little Lizzie. Miss Maine quickly bonded with the Memsaab Helena. Clearly, Helena's Amazon-warrior spirit and skill with arms impressed Miss Maine mightily, and much of their time and talk revolved around that fierce self-confidence--and guns.

As for Little Lizzie, the munchkin almost duct-taped herself to the Mem's leg. She followed Helena everywhere, but always, always, kept glancing back to check on her momma, as though she were the worried parent.

There was something guarded, something hurt and defensive about both of them, and that fearfulness extended to me for a while. They got over it, thank God. Then I sorta became a moving bunker for 'em, representing cover and protection. Finally, we learned the story.

Miss Maine had been attacked--brutally and viciously. You don't wanta know the details. As with so many such crimes, it wasn't really about sex. It was about hate and domination, cowardice and cruelty. And an even younger Little Lizzie had witnessed it. I like to think the Memsaab and I helped them to recover emotionally.

Then one day Lizzie came and snuggled into my shadow, visibly disturbed. That morning her kindergarten had put on "Frighten The Munchkins Day." Some schools do a pretty good job of alerting children to predators--don't go with strangers and that kinda thing--but others do more harm than good. All they do is terrify the tots and give 'era no operating options. Lizzie already had twin tears glistening, ready to fall when she grabbed a tiny fistful of my trouser-leg and asked, "Connor-Sir, will you a'ways be here? Wouldja be here ... When the bad mens come?"

My knees cracked on the sidewalk as she slammed into my shoulder, shaking with sobs as the hot tears came, splashing my neck and searing into my soul. "'Cause I'm a-scared!" she choked, and clutched me tighter.

Oh, GOD/Who would not--who could not--fight without fear, suffer without sense of sacrifice, and kill or die deliberately, using the most effective means available--to protect life, liberty and a Little Lizzie? For God's sake, who?

Those who would not are no better than the predators.

Maybe in Phase 4, when somebody pops The Big Question I'll just smile and say, "For life, liberty and Little Lizzie." You guys can fill in the details.

Re: maybe some guidance from a lady will help...

Posted: Sat Jun 14, 2008 3:25 pm
by Hardlyangelschl
I am a "girly-girl", a wife, and mother and I completely understand how she feels. I am also a licensed CHL Instructor. I teach “Lady’s only� classes. I created this class to help women address concerns that “We� have. It’s very common and completely normal for her to be scared, hesitant or simply not interested. I grew up around guns like most people in Texas. I grew up target shooting at cans, and hunting but never thought I would be interested in shooting handguns, and certainly didn’t think I could carry one. Now, I shoot regularly and teach basic handgun training and Texas CHL classes.

My husband and I have “Date Nights�. We make a point to go on dates and spend time together without the kids at least once a month, sometimes more. One night, he asked me to go to the range with him, and I did. I didn’t see the purpose of it and I was NOT excited. Now looking back, I can see that is was his grand master plan “getting me to the range and interested in guns�. In the beginning, I was scared but it didn’t take long for me to feel comfortable. I not only felt safe but I started feeling confident and empowered.

I have learned so much over the last few years. “Self defense is a basic human right� I truly believe that all eligible, law abiding women need to learn how to shoot and carry a gun. Women are with their children more than anyone else. Who is going to protect them? How will you protect them? We are often in situations where we become targets for crime, simply because we are women. Home invasions are happening all the time. There are more car-jackings now than ever before. I meet (too many) women in my classes who are there, because they were victims and were lucky enough to survive. Criminals have guns. That is NOT going to change. Criminals are not only in dark allies or on the bad side of town. The criminals will target women in nice neighborhoods, mall parking lots, gas stations, and where you least expect them.

It’s our responsibility to protect ourselves and our family. The police are more than often not there until “after� the crime has been committed.

Let’s say you are home alone with the kids and your husband is out of town or working late. Your husband has a gun in the house, but you don’t know how to shoot it and may even be scared of it. You hear glass breaking and someone is trying to get in. What do you do? You should have a plan. Women will naturally defend their children (to the death) it’s a God given instinct. Having the training, knowledge and confidence to handle yourself in a situation like this could save your family.

Don’t give up!!!