Advice: Wife won't carry

[Oldgringo]

Other than the not carrying thing, is she okay?

[Charles L. Cotton]

I've talked to my wife many times about self defense and trying to learn to shoot and carry a CHL. She was traumatized by her first experience at a gun range and never wants to go back. Although she's actually been involved in a bank robbery where she was on the floor while robbers took money, she doesn't seem to be as paranoid as me when it comes to these type of events happening. I realized awhile ago that forcing the issue might not be the best idea if she's not motivated and will just result in her forgetting how to use it when/if the time comes. So I bought her pepper spray to carry around, after a few months she misplaced it and it never came up again until I asked her where she keeps it. So I got her another pepper spray and again, it was misplaced and she never carried it nor was bothered by the fact it was missing.

So my question is, what should I do? Should I just keep re-enforcing the important of self defense and keep buying her pepper spray bottles only for her to forget about it and lose it time and time again? She's not completely oblivious to the dangers out there, she is aware of her surroundings and doesn't go to high risk places at high risk time of day, but carrying any kind of self defense seems to be something she is not motivated to do.

As others have said, you can't force her to carry and if you could, she likely wouldn't spend the time necessary to be physically and mentally ready to use deadly force. If she won't train (not the same as practice), then she wouldn't be mentally ready for a fight. Through practice one learns how to shoot a gun, while training teaches how to fight with a gun. I personally wouldn't give up, but I also wouldn't continue making a high pressure sales pitch either. For over 30 years I had been losing the fight to get my wife to carry her handgun on her person rather than in her purse. (I know, CHL passed in 1995.) All the logic, TV news reports and preaching on my part fell on deaf ears, and this is with a woman who has had to use her handgun twice in self-defense. (No shots were fired. Everything looks like a 105 howitzer when you're looking at the business end and the "thugs" ran off both times.) Only now is she beginning to carry her gun on her person and that's because arthritis in her hand is forcing her to carry a smaller, lighter purse. I'm glad she wearing a holster now, but I hate the reason for doing so.

I don't know where you are located, but if you are within reasonable driving distance of Friendswood, you may want to come to the free Ladies Self-Defense Information Seminar I put on at PSC Shooting Club a couple of times a year. It is designed for women who know little or nothing about guns and self-defense and it's always very well received. There's something about being in a group of women who are pretty much on the same footing in terms of not knowing anything about self-defense and fighting. It's a survey seminar meaning I cover what they need to learn and options for doing so. I often refer to it as "the seminar that won't teach you anything, but that will show you what you need to learn and how to go about it." The seminar also contains two 911 calls made by women who were home alone and were attached by a violent intruder. One had a gun, one didn't. One has an interview with the pregnant woman who survived, but only after being raped. With a room full of people you can hear a pin drop. If you are interested in this seminar or any we offer at PSC, just go to http://www.PSC-Range.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; and sign up for eNewsletters (bottom of page) and you will get information about all of our activities. All of these events are open to PSC Members and non-members.

Chas.

[TomsTXCHL]

My wife thought carry was a good idea, we got her a gun and she liked shooting it so we took the CHL course and are waiting on plastic, but in the meantime she's done nothing other than to have gotten a holster or two to try. I mean, she's done nothing at all, doesn't handle the thing, practice loading the snap caps I got for it, tried-on a holster or carried around the house for example; she hasn't looked at the Flashbang videos I downloaded for one of her holsters, nor has she done any surfing or looking at corneredcat.com which I too recommend.

Hopefully when the plastic arrives she'll start thinking about whether she's gonna carry or not. But so far it seems she only thinks of her LCP as a cool fashion accessory!

[Sport Coach]

My wife is not comfortable with guns yet. She is fine with me having them. I tell her that because they are in the house I need her to be able to handle them safely. I've found that she is happy to go to an outdoor range rather than an indoor range due to the bang noise. So, I choose to 1) not bother her about the fact that I'd like her to get her CHL and 2) continue to give her the occasional experience that she doesn't mind (outdoors range). I've tried to get her to read Paxton Quigley's book but she falls asleep. Best of luck and realize you can't win all battles.

[suthdj]

But so far it seems she only thinks of her LCP as a cool fashion accessory!

She is female.

[The_Busy_Mom]

Your wife's situation is the same as mine, but a different medium. My husband and I ride motorcycles. But before I got mine, I tried to ride his. It was too big, too heavy, and I kept laying the bike over every time I came to a stop. So I just stopped trying. I would rather have stopped trying than to have the feeling of being unsuccessful. But I eventually got tired of not being at the helm, and I bought my own bike. When she makes up her mind for herself, then she might just surprise you. Until then, surround yourself with as many like-minded (gun carrying) people you can, and just drop it. If you can, get her to take a Refuse to be a Victim NRA class, and find mutual enjoyment in the things that you do. But the more pressure you put on her, and the lees control she feels she has, the more she will say no.

TBM

[g31357]

Alot of good ideas here, thanks everyone.

[Kensterfly]

Going through something similar with my bride of almost 40 years. We have always had a few guns in the house. I took her to the range many years ago when I bought my first gun: SW Model 10 .38. She moves it to her night stand when I'm out of town. She knows how to use the double barrel 16 gauge shotgun.
And she has kept a little .22 auto in her car for a couple of years. But she was not interested in taking the CHL class until a couple of her friends told me they wanted to take the class with me. My bride reluctantly agreed to take the class. She made 100 on the written and shot 226/250 on the range test. I was quite proud of her. She opted to use my four inch Model 10 instead of my Model 10 snub. I think she was secretly pleased with herself but won't admit it.
That night I told her how proud I was of her success in the class. She replied that it won't change anything, that doesn't want to start carrying but will continue to keep a gun in her car.

The .22 auto car gun is a cheap Jennings. I tested it a couple of days ago and it jammed three times in the first clip. It now has a date with a sledge hammer. I told her that I would get her an Airweight snub for her car gun. (Just like her friend's) She also agreed to take my NAA Mini .22 Magnum (hollowpoints) which she could easily keep in her purse or tote in her pocket. She is agreeable to that. Between the .38 snub and the .22 Mini I feel pretty good about things.

She is never going to be a gung-ho carrier but she told me that she would go with me out into our woods and do some practice shooting once a month or so.
That works for me. I will never push her to do anything she's not comfortable with. I didn't last 40 years with her by being TOO stupid.