TexasCHLforum.com

Update: It has been a while since this thread was active. I don't know about Bald Eagle but my situation has changed dramatically.

- as a result of my starting to carry without my wife knowing it, she lost her fear that I would be discovered and arrested. I really feel like this was one of the major drivers behind her initial resistance. Now, even when she knows that I'm carrying and exactly where it is, she says that she cannot detect anything. I've carefully built my clothing choices so that this would be the case.

- I've mentioned in passing some of the situations that have been presented here on this forum. I had more than just getting her comfortable with my carrying in mind as a part of these discussions. I need to get her out of condition white. We have a long ways to go but she is making progress and because she wants to now. Initially, I just wanted her to understand that I wasn't seeing a boogey man behind every tree - that there were BGs out there and that someday, someplace we might have to deal with one.

- she often prompts me now to make sure that I'm carrying. I've been slowly getting her to understand that it isn't always possible because of schools (I've had to pick our granddaughter up), 30.06 signs, etc. She's beginning to understand that there is more to it than just walking out the door with the holster strapped on.

- she tells me that she is more secure knowing that I have the gun with us. On our recent trip, we hit a couple of rest areas and a truck stop that really made her uneasy. Knowing that we can defend ourselves if that becomes necessary eased her concern. I'm still working with her to understand that we need to make sure that we exercise caution and stay alert.

My message in this post? We all learn differently. I'm an "immersion" learner. I dive in to something new and try to absorb everything I can as fast as I can. I'm always pushing the limits in that new area. She is more the slow, steady assimilation type. She builds her comfort over time. When my boundry testing is outside her comfort zone, she lets me know. Just because we aren't in lock step all along the way doesn't mean that we a loggerheads with one another. We both understand that sometimes, we will not agree about something. These situations have never been a source of on-going conflict. We both understand that we need to work back towards one another, not try to make the differences worse.

When we started racing sailboats, we both recognized that there could be injury and death involved. Initially, she didn't want our kids on board. Over time, we learned to race as a family under some very wild and dangerous conditions. Our kids literally grew up as we raced our boat around the country. Boy do we have stories! The decision to carry a gun a significant part of the time also carries with it danger in many forms. Understanding those dangers and dealing with them mentally can take time. We are both still learning but we've come a long way together on the subject - as I knew that we would.

[quote="baldeagle"
I thought that was what reciprocity was for.[/quote]

Somehow, I don't think that you are both on the same point. Baldeagle, as far a I read, NC does have reciprocity with a Texas CHL. We are planning a visit there very soon and that is what my research tells me, too. I expect to legally carry there.

I think that the divergence of subject happened over the transfer of a handgun. I apologize if my intervention at that point clouded up that part. I suspect that the point is that the transfer cannot happen to someone holding a Texas CHL versus a NC CCW or whatever it is called (please forgive me on the exact terminology - I trying to research a half of dozen States for our next trip.)

I don't mean to add any more mud to this water, I'm just trying to understand it for sure myself. During our visit to NC, we will not be attempting to add or exchange firearms - this time.

bdickens wrote:I shudder to think what kind of marriage some of you people have if you don't keep your spouses in the loop about what you are doing.

It may be far different that your reading of posts on this forum would lead you to believe. Remember, you are only seeing a microcosm of even the dialogue on this matter, let alone everything else that is going on in a relationship. You remember the story about the 8 blind men touching the elephant don't you? Each of them knew that the part they touched was the truth but, in reality, none of them could understand the complete truth because they couldn't see it. It is a big mistake to extrapolate one part across the whole.

As I said in an earlier post, we've been married for 40 years this year. We have a great relationship. There are times when we agree to disagree. Not every point of discussion is resolved over night but we can agree to disagree until we work through the difference of opinion.
Having raised to kids (both are now over 30) we've had ample opportunity to figure these sorts of things out before and we will do it again.

Yankee Girl wrote: Geez ... I'm a continuous improvement project! .

You are better off than I am. I've taken the same Dale Carnegie course three times and received the award for the "most improved student" each time."

hirundo82 wrote: If the firearm being transferred is a handgun, the transfer must be performed by an FFL in the recipient's state of residence.

But doesn't that really say that the transaction must go through 2 FFL's? Unless the seller travels to the buyer's State and works through a local FFL there, it appears that the only way to accomplish it is to have the seller work with his/her local FFL to ship it to an FFL in the buyer's State and remain legal.

Based on your description, my inheritance situation was handled legally, though I came very close to doing something that wouldn't have been legal.

I appreciate your clarification.

Bart wrote: Even with a ccw permit, it's against Federal Law for a Texas resident to get a handgun as a gift in another state.

I don't want to hijack this thread on this comment but would like to explore it further.

- it is my understanding that I break no laws if I buy a gun in Texas from an individual
- it is my understanding that I can drive to OK to buy a gun from an individual. What is about NC that would make that different?

And if selling a gun individual to individual is OK, could his FIL sell it to him for $1 and have that be legal?

I'm just curious. I have a personal situation that is close to this one but this is a public forum and I'm not going to provide those details.

Yankee Girl wrote:Please don't consider her as an "enemy within". That attitude will only calcify whatever unease or fear she has of the concept of you going armed. A year ago, I had not, and would not, touch a handgun of any sort - an irrational fear to be sure, but a strong one, and based (I thought) on sound reasoning from a past experience. Today I am eagerly awaiting my CHL and shopping for holsters; later today my husband and both sons and I are headed to PSC to practice.

Yours is a point well taken. One accomplishes nothing by the implied confrontation that the term "enemy" implies. I suspect, however, that Baldeagle and I share being placed in a quasi-adversarial role and this is underscored by his wife's comment about "did you shot anybody?" I can assure that I'm not seeking conflict on this or any other matter. Left to my own devices, I'm simply going to do what I'm going to do. It is "other side of the discussion" who is trying to dictate my actions (i.e. forcing me not to carry) against my own will. I hope that you can understand that that leaves me in a conflicted situation. I don't have to say anything at all to perpetuate it. Having been admonished once, I'm not going to make the mistake of zealously talking on the subject again.

We often use the term "enemy" in rather loose context. One of my favorite phrases is "Perfect is the enemy of good" The implication is that some folks try to do something perfectly the first time rather than accomplishing something good and improving on it over time. It is the heart of the Kaizen method
In this context, the term enemy doesn't come close to suggesting the annihilation of an opponent.

I agree with your reconciliation suggestions. I know for sure that a slow, sure, steady approach is best. We've gotten past her repugnance to the idea of my even owning a holster. Time and patience are my friends. I continue to respond to her comments positively as she mentally works through the whole gun idea. I hope that some day, like you, she will want to take her CHL. Right now, however, I'd settle for just her passive acceptance of frequent carry.

Max wrote:This isn't a question of if you should carry, it's a matter of responsibility to carry. Remember as a licensed CHL holder you also represent all CHL holders. What good is a license in your pocket if that once in a lifetime need to defend yourself arises. It's not where your going, it's what's along the way you should worry about. If you stop for gas at a stop and rob you really increase the need to carry IMHO. With rights come responsibilities.

Sorry, but I don't accept that it is my "responsibility" to carry. As the phrase goes "Carry 24x7 or GUESS RIGHT." There are going to be times when I choose the latter. It is still a choice.

By having my CHL, I've confirmed that I support the RKBA under the 2nd amendment. I don't have to prove it to my fellow CHL holders. I'm a moderate political activist (now, never was before) and am a strong proponent of active support of all of the Bill of Rights, not just the 2nd Amendment. I'm not a one issue kind of a guy. I expect my fellow CHL holders to accept my personal decisions.

You are absolutely right. If I elect to go out of the house without my gun and I find myself in a position to be robbed, I'm going to regret it. I might even die because of my decision. I will tell you, however that that possibility is in a category that I call HBL (hit by lightning). On the average, a person has a better chance of being hit by lightning than being a store where a robbery goes down. Don't get me wrong, however. I HAVE BEEN hit by lightning twice (once in Hershey Park, PA personally and another time inside of our house in Chalfont, PA). It can and does happen. If I had to rate my risks where having a gun might help me, home invasions and problems while we are out in our RV are far above being in a store robbery.

I will also tell you that I think there are a lot of situations that I might face where my gun may not help me. Remember that my goal is to protect myself and my family. In the face of overwhelming odds (4+ BGs all with some sort of heavy weapons), I might in not much better position than I was without a gun. I'm certainly not well trained enough to use a hand gun to take on multiple heavy gun toting assailants at the same time. By the same token, I'd put a the chance of my facing a situation like that at near the bottom of my risk scale.

So, I'm sorry, but I don't see this as a completely black and white issue. I'm trying to study and practice tactical use of my hand gun and, in a year, I might feel very differently. In the end, however, I'm still the one who has to make decisions for myself and my family.

baldeagle wrote:I got my CHL license in the mail today. So I asked my wife, "Should I carry to Sams tomorrow?" (We had already planned a trip there.)

Her response was, "Why would you?"

Sigh...we have a long way to go....

I'm in about the same stage as you, having just received my plastic. Like you, I was getting push back.

I decided on a completely different approach.
1. I simply put my holster and gun on when I leave the house, without saying a word. To me, that accomplishes two things a) it verifies my concealment and b) it establishes a pattern of carry that I'll use in discussions later. More on that in a moment.
2. I got accused of being "obsessed" with carrying a gun. Like everything else that I do, I attack a new area with a thirst for knowledge and the obsession label is probably not far from the truth. When I started racing model sail boats, I was accused of obsessing there, too. In a new area, I research and want to talk about what I'm learning. I've discovered in this area, I cannot talk about it with her. Thank goodness for this forum.
3. When there are events in the news papers or TV, my wife will remark often remark about how the victim wasn't protected from the BG. I always find into the conversation "but they would have been protected ONLY IF THEY WERE CARRYING. I stop there. I've found in nearly 40 years of marriage that I "win" this topics by planting lots of little seeds, not trying to grow the crop in a hurry.

Personally, I'll acknowledge that I can ponder a subject or question and see both sides of it for a while. When I make a decision, it usually comes after a lot of thought. I don't normally vocalize my pondering. My wife does. I've come to recognize that is what she is doing. She really isn't changing her mind as much as she is considering different points in the argument. If I simply let her go, nudging her occasionally in the direction that I'd prefer her to go, I can generally get her thinking to where I'd like it to be. I've decided that this is one of those topics. It is not a battle but a war of attrition .