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The general feel (grip angle) is the same for both guns. The grip texture on the XDm is different. One feature difference between the two - the XDm allows you to remove the slide without pulling the trigger, while you must pull the trigger on the XD to remove the slide.

Are you looking at the XD-9 or the XDm-9? The XDm-9 is the newer design and has changeable grip backstraps. If it's the XD-9 you looked at, take the time to compare it to the XDm, I think you'll like the difference.

As to malfunctions, I've never had a malfunction in either my XD-45 or my XDm-40 using various types of ammo. They are very reliable firearms.