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To frame the discussion in a different fashion, using popular caliber/weight data:

.380 = 95 grains
9mm = 115, 124, 147 grains
.40 = 180 grains
.45 = 230 grains

The above bullet weights aren't all permutations, but represent commonly used ammo.

Now, if you had a .380 @ 95 grains, look at the much smaller fraction of round that
you are going to use against a threat, compared with larger calibers.

To cite the most extreme example, if you compare a .380 to a .45, the .45 will put
242 % more lead into your adversary.

OP: You say you are a small guy, but don't buy the assumption that you must be under-gunned.
As some examples, you could get a Taurus Slim 709, Taurus Slim 740, or Taurus PT-745. These
are single stack firearms in 9MM, .40, and .45, respectively.

The more time that you spend carrying your gun of choice, the smaller it becomes.

SIA

Thinking back to the only story that I can remember about a .380
actually being used on someone (this is discussed at length on an old thread):

Scene: Burger King in south Florida.
BG carried an off brand <Bryco, IIRC> .380 and threatened the BK staff while robbing them.
GG carried a Glock <some model> in 9mm. He was waiting in line when BG
approached the counter and started the robbery.

The GG drew, but made the mistake of speaking to the BG first.
The BG put 3 rounds of .380 in the GG, resulting in severe wounds, but he survived.
The GG put an unknown number of 9's into the BG.
BG died.

That's just one story. It could have gone the other way, but it didn't.

SIA

IMHO, I think part of what this caliber debate boils down to is
related to some people's perceptions that a gun in a larger
caliber is "too big to carry," hence they look to the .380 as being
the answer since it's "more concealable".

Heck, the difference between a smaller gun in smaller caliber
and a larger gun in a larger caliber is in the eye of the beholder.
1911's are "too big" for some, yet many 1911's are carried everyday
without issue, breaking concealment, or being uncomfortable.

I happened to choose my first carry gun in 9mm because I knew
it was a "big enough" caliber, with high fps, and for which it was
easy to find ammo. The pocket carry ability was necessary in
my work world.

As I have carried more and read more on the forum, I see a .45 in
my future. I want to go bigger (at least when I'm off work) and
am not enamored with the .380 cartridge. If someone needs shooting,
they might as well meet a .45.

Sure, a .380 could kill your attacker and I find many .380 pistols
ergonomically appealing, but I think if you are going to go "small gun",
go with a single stack .40 or .45. You will go up minimally in gun
thickness, but have a much stronger round.

By the way, I think that other forum is pretty close-minded to say
"Welcome, but we don't need no stinkin' .380's".

SIA