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My best advice is to shoot and handle as many guns as you can, even the ones you don't think you're going to like at first glance. Go to a well-stocked gun shop and handle every gun they have. The ones that flat won't work will present themselves as soon as you grab hold of them!

Then see if you can find a range that rents guns. Shoot the ones you like (or even the ones you "don't hate") and see what happens.

And don't let anyone talk you into or out of any calibers because of your size, stature, or sex. Within reason, everything's controllable and effective--at least within the common defense rounds.

As far as the old "which gun is right for me?" question...well, I say it's like a fine guitar. Play as many as you can, and then buy the one you fall in love with.

Of course that advice has cost me a lot of money over the years...I tend to fall in love with guns and guitars easily